New "Widow"

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2006
New "Widow"
33
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 3:32pm

Hello, I am new to this message board.  A friend at the fibro board recommended I check you out.  My husband just passed away 2 weeks ago and I am going crazy without him.  We have been married for 20 years and have a total of 7 kids between us. He is just 57 and I am only 44.  He had been fighting throat cancer and we thought he was starting to do good.  The cancer ate at the wall of the artery running through his throat and it ruptured.  He basically died from blood loss here in our dining room.  Our youngest child(son) was home at the time and we are both having a very difficult time with this.  He graduates from high school in just 3 weeks. I want to be in the casket with my husband but because of the kids I am not.  I can't imagine life without him.  We did everything together.  My family has not ben any type of support.  They didn't even bother to come to his funeral.  But they say they loved him.  We had moved to another state just a yar and a half ago and so we don;t really know anyone yet.  My family being the way they are is making things sooo much worse. I have never felt so alone before.  I always had my husband so I wasn't alone but now he is gone.  Will I ever learn to live again? I need all the help I can get!!


Thank you,

Linda

Linda

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2005
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 9:10pm

(((((Linda))))))

I am so sorry for your loss and the difficulties that you are having with your family. My deepest condolences toyou and your children. Life can be very hard at times and we never know what life is going to thorw at us.

We can choose our friends, but.....we can not choose family. Perhaps you can talk to a councellor concerning your feelings about your family situation. Do you have any friends that perhaps can help you out with your difficult days? Sometimes talking to a good friend can be very comforting.

I am so pleased that you found this board, as you will see that all the women here are very supportive, caring, and understanding. Know that you are not alone and you will always have a soft place to fall and all of us are here for you.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your children.

Miriam

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2006
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 3:06am

Thank you soo much for the message. People have been so encouraging here and it is a help to know that I am not alone and that what I feel is okay. I am obviously still having difficulting dealing everyday and at times just want to give up. My 2 youngest kids still need Mom so for now I have to try to stay here and sane for them. I never thought it would be sooo hard to say goodbye! I am trying to find something to keep myself busy so that I am not just sitting here alone. By the way if anyone wants any Tupperware I decided to start that to get out. My web site is My.Tupperware.com/tupproach. Things keep going from bad to worse though. # days after my husband died I finally got approved for disability. It took over 3 years to get it. I just found out that I am not getting a penny because of a workmans comp settlement 2 years ago. I can't get any SS benefit from my husbands disability until I am 50. So I have to go the next 6 yrs with no income!!! This is just too much thrown on me at one time. Again, THANK YOU to everyone for the support!!

Linda

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:11pm

(((((Linda))))), I am Barb, the other CL on this board.

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2006
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 7:26pm

Thank you very much Barb. I do try to tell myself that I am a good person and that my family is missing out on me and my children. I had a counselor years ago when I was a teen who told me my family was sooo screwed up and that I should try to break away from them or they would try to bring me down. He was right. I have tried for 44 yrs to be accepted by them and it will never happen. I am trying very hard to go on but it is extre,ely difficult. It just seems like everything is hitting me at one time. My husband had no insurance of any kind and so I am left with literally nothing. I am going to do the Tupperware to make money and also check with the welfare dept in my town. It just is sooo unreal!!!Most days I don't even want to get up(thats if I even go to bed)let alone have to try and work. My husband was a Vietnam Vet and so I have filed an app. with the VA for a death pension. The problem is it could take up to 6 months before they decide anything. In the mean time I will lose what little I have!!! I did go to see a pastor and he was supposed to get back in touch with me last week and I haven't heard anything. I guess even he can't be bothered. Tomorrow is my husband's 58th birthday and I have to go to a cemetery to see him. It just seems so onreal at times. Oh well, I have carried on enough. Again, Thank you for your great letter!!

Linda

Linda

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 8:14pm

Don't try to read the pastor's mind.

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2006
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 12:31am

Hello Barb,
Your not going to believ me when I tell you what has happened. Today(or rather yestaerday)was my husbands birthday as I told you. Well, I get a phone call around 8pm from my sister-in-law with some bad news. My brother-in-law had just passed away! This is the brother that my husband was closest too. He lived with us a couple of times during the 20 yrs we were together. I just can't believe it! What else can happen? Somehow we have to try to get to Massachusettes for the funeral and I juat am not sure if I can handle it. Just thought I would let you know. Talk to you again soon.

Linda

Linda

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 3:26pm

Oh, (((((Linda)))))!

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 4:09pm

LINDA


(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))) to you and your sister in law. OH MY HEAVENS!!!


I have said a prayer that what decision you make, you are able to accomplish. I also prayed for strength for you and your extended family.



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2007
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 11:00am
Dear Linda...

I am soo soo sorry for the loss of your husband. can't imagine. Lost my brother in dec 2006 and man that was unbearable for me. I read with interest your post because of my husbands health issues.We just got the call he is in dire need of his 3rd tricuspid valve transplant. last time 5 years ago it took them almost 3 hours to cut the scar tissue from his heart and everywhere else.He's also on the liver transplant list and has had many new diagnosis the last 2 years besides those (a fib). So its scary but when I read your post I guess I needed to hear what it feels like to be widowed. not that I am wanting or gloomy or anything. I am an information junkie and love to learn from others. I have 2 kids too 9 and 10 years old and the youngest was born with downs syndrome. He is such a wonderful dad I don't know what I'd do without him but hes been very sick as of late and your post struck a chord with me. :( Do you have any support besides any family that seems to be nonexistent? You need it desperately. I can feel it in your writing. if you need help looking into ssi laws and such you were speaking of lemme know would be honored to research it for you and send u what I've got.((((HUGS))) e-mail me anytime steff




Edited 7/2/2007 1:07 am ET by steffaroni
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 4:36pm

(((((Linda))))), have you talked to the pastor yet?

AcornLeaves