To my father...
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 06-11-2007 - 9:29pm |
I miss you and yet after almost 12 years I still have anger towards you.
I hate that you made my teenage years so difficult. I hate that you drank and became angry. I hate that you couldn't stop. I hate that you preferred your other daughter to me and I could tell. I hate that she treated you badly, even though you probably deserved it, and yet I still felt less important. I hate that it set the tone for my life for several years eventhough I learned more about myself through the pain. I hate that I had to see you in the hospital looking so weak yet I relished in the fact that I was there and she wasn't. I hate that you had a disease that took you away from me so soon. I hate that our last conversation ended with me being mad at you.
I wish you were here. I wish that you could see me walk down the aisle someday (if that happens). I wish that you were here so I would have another parent to get opinions from because even though I'm older now I still need it. I wish that you could have chosen me over alcohol, though I do understand things much better now. I wish that I could get over this. I wish I had the opportunity to say goodbye.
I miss you more than words can say. It took me years of of soul searching but I finally forgive you.
Your bear,
Julie

Julie
Thank you for sharing that with us. I know that it won't bring back your Dad, but I want you to know that your words are
Hey Beth,
I've done counseling many, many times over the years and I did go to Alanon/Alateen a few times but it really wasn't for me at that point. Again, it's been over 12 years and I'm good with everything. I don't think it will ever completely go away but again it's what makes me the person I am now. I think if I forgot about a lot of stuff it wouldn't remind me to be a better person every day. Thinking of father's day this year just got to me a little bit because I've been missing him a lot lately.
Julie
((((((Julie)))))))
I am so sorry that you had to grow up with an acholic and have such a difficult life. It is not easy to live with some one whether they are an acholic, or a drug attack. It is a disease. It definitely couldn't of been easy for you and hopefully this experience has made you a stronger women. Julie, we have chooses in our lives, we do not have to accept what life throws at us, we have the power to choose the life we want.
I know you feel like your dad didn't love you and he choose your sister over you, but....I think that down deep inside he really did love you and that this disease just took over. I also believe that the day when you walk down the isle, you dad will be looking down at you with a big smile and so very proud.he may not be with you in person, but he will be with you in spirit.
Forgiving your dad was a great accomplishment on your part. You have come along way, and now that you have forgiven him, you can now move on with your life. Close the door behimd you , sweetie and open the door infront of you.
I have a friend whose father drank himself to death and she swore that when she meets a gentleman he must be a man who never drinks and never plans to. She is now married, happliy I must say, and this wonderful man of hers never drank and never will. She choose this life, she choose to be in a relationship that has not achol in it and she choose to go on with her life, forgive her dad aswell and she is very happy.
Here's wishing you all the best, my thoughts are with you.
Miriam
(((((Julie))))), what a strong and beautiful woman you are!
Barb,
Thanks for your words. I hope everything is going well for you. :)
Julie