does it get easier? (newcomer)
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| Tue, 06-19-2007 - 10:56pm |
right now me and my family are dealing with a suicide death of my boyfirend's one and only brother. i am so torn right now because i need to be there for my boyfriend but i have our 2 children to care for too. i had my mom last week when we found out and this week she is on vaction and i dont have anyone i can trust to care for my children that is not working.
let me back up. his brother lived in denver and died in new mexico. their aunt is flying in tommorow afternoon with his remains an i need to be with my boyfirend when she comes home but i need to care for our children too. their aunt missed her flight home tonight and i had my day care provider taking the kids tommorow morning but now it doesnt matter becasue their aunt wont be home till 3:30pm and daycare closes at 4:30pm. i am so torn becasue i need to be there for my boyfriend and i also have be home with the children and i refuse to take them becasue they are only 3 years and almost 1 1/2 years old and they dont understand and i feel they dont need to be there...
this has been the roughest week and half for all involved. this was totally unexpected there has never been a hint that something was wrong or that he might even contemplate suicide. i guess i am at a total loss on everything this is the first time i have ever had to deal with a suicide death... hopefully we will be able to get some closure on thursday at the memorial service and the buiral of his cremains.
i want to scream and cry but i feel like i have ot hold it together for him and our children. i am angry at his brother for doing this to us and for doing it on our oldest daughters birthday. how do you get past the hurt and anger sadness and everythign else we are feeling.
stacey

Welcome Stacey
I am Beth, one of the cls here. In answer to your qiuestion...yes, it gets...uh different. I don't know if it gets easier or we adjust to
{{{Stacey}}}
I'm very sorry to hear of your family's loss.
I wanted to throw out there that, while the situation wasn't exactly the same, my mother recently passed away and my cousin's kids who are all 3 in the under 4 age group were around quite a bit at the family times. They all seemed to do fine and did not seem to be aware of what was going on exactly. They were just doing their kid thing. Now I have to admit that the 2 I don't know very well sort of drove me nutso one day but that wasn't their fault...I was just stressed out. You know your kids and the situation but I wanted to let you know that it might be an option for them to go along. They might even be a comfort to your boyfriend.
Another thought is to maybe contact the day care provider (not sure if this is a center or a private home) and see if they can help you so that you could at least be there with your BF for the first 45-60 min. You don't have to hang out all night.
Finally, has anyone offered some help? Could a friend of the family take the kids to a nearby park or something while you have some time with the family? I know we had a jillion people clammering to help and this would've been a great option for them if you and the kids would be ok with it.
I know these are difficult days and it's hard to balance everyone's needs. Hang in there and try to make sure you find a safe place to scream and cry...you're mourning too.
Peg
(((((Stacey))))), I am glad you found our board.
(((((((stacey2104))))))
Is there any way that you can ask your day care provider that once she closes up to perhaps stay with your children at your home for a couple of hours so that you can be with your boyfriend, or perhaps she knows of some one that is reliable and someone that she feels that you can trust to babysit?
I am sorry for the loss of your boyfirend's brother. I could understand your anger , the sadness, and the hurt, but.....sucide, even though it effects everyone around them, is not done to them but to himself. When some one takes their life they are not in the right state of mind, to reason with themselves and worry what taking their life is going to do to their loved ones. They are not in their right minds when this is done.
Stacey , sweetie, perhaps you can talk to a councellor about how you are feeling. This may help you deal with his death and how it came about.
My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
Miriam