coming up on 26 months, STILL crying!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
coming up on 26 months, STILL crying!
13
Sun, 06-24-2007 - 11:43pm

Hi everyone. I was here a long time ago (2 years now!), but was unable to post much. I've been reading here again tonight and have already been helped. Thank you again.

I lost my husband to cancer on May 6, 2005, and we have six children. I thought I was doing ok, but the last few months seem to have put me back to the beginning again. I can't stop crying. I can't sleep. Food looks gross. What is happening?

Our oldest recently turned 18 and graduated this month with honors. Both our boys are learning to drive. Our youngest is 3 now. Things seem to be getting worse without Todd. I thought someone said "Time heals." The pain is incredible, and that cloud that had turned to fog is now dark and thick again.

Am I losing my mind? I miss him more now than ever. Thanks for any help/encouragement. Wendy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 1:35am

I lost my husband 18 months ago and things still are not what I thought they would be!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 1:47am

Thank you soooooo much. I'm sorry you are dealing with this stuff too, but it's actually a comfort for me to know I am not alone. I'm having trouble finding sleep tonight. I know you can relate as far as all the kids and all the demands that will be placed on me in a few short hours! Sometimes I feel like I'm just treading water.

Yes, I still see a counselor. She's been wonderful. This past week she said I was "progressing," but mentioned as you did about the "triggers" and the grief waves that seem to send me back into the deep pain and darkness. Hopefully, according to her, these will not last as long nor come as frequently; however, it's been almost 3 months now where I can't seem to pull out of this. My counselor thinks it may be that so much is going on...boys learning to drive, the graduation, Father's Day....just a lot of things happening all at once. I feel like these waves keep knocking me over and I can't seem to find steady ground. The crying she says is "normal," too. Just a long road, I guess, when you love someone as much as we loved our dear ones.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss. I may take you up on the emailing! Feel free to do the same with me. Thanks again, and you hang in there too. Wendy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 1:25pm

Hi, (((((Wendy)))))!

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 3:43pm

Thanks, Barb. I'm glad I met Kim as well! Last night was such an encouragement to me as I read her post. You are right, I am sure she has a lot to share with me.

You are an amazing person, Barb. You have helped hundreds of hurting people and your compassion never seems to end! You greeted me here 26 months ago, and were a tremendous help. I didn't think I was going to be able to breathe, let alone carry on trying to raise six children after Todd's death. I found comfort here and a new hope to keep going, even in the middle of such devastation. Thank you.

You were right, it was the 2 year anniversary that started this downhill motion the last few weeks. My son will be going to Penn State, commuting to a campus near where we live (I wasn't quite ready for him to leave us!).

Thanks again, Barb, for everything. I have found alot of help already in reading others' stories. Keep up the great work! Wendy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 4:28pm

Thank you for those words, (((((Wendy)))))!

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2006
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 9:11pm
Wendy,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 9:37pm

Thank you for your kind words, Mary. I'm sorry to hear about your loss. It's hard for me to imagine getting used to living with this pain. I often wonder if we will ever have as much fun as a family as we did with Todd. Will we ever laugh as hard, play as hard...??? Everything still is so dull around here. I miss the laughter. I miss going places with him as a family (ie vacations). It will never be the same, will it? I almost don't want to get used to living without him. Does that make sense?

Anyway, I'm sorry about your back, too. I'll keep you in my prayers. I hope and pray you will find relief soon. I've been battling the question "Why?" again, and have been reminded to go back to what I/you know is Truth: God is good, even though we don't always understand. Please take care and get better soon. Thanks again for your kind words. Wendy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 9:42pm

You and Beth are doing an amazing job here, Barb. Thank you again. It's neat to read how you helping others has helped you with your own problems. People often tell me that I will one day be able to help others in my situation, but I don't see that happening. Kim is amazing, reaching out already and helping others. wow. Maybe some day...

Keep up the great job!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2006
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 11:17pm
I know what you mean about not wanting to get used to living without your dh.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:24am

I truly believe misery needs company but sorry you have to be the one!

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