An ex-wife,but still a mom
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| Tue, 07-03-2007 - 3:35pm |
Is it possible to be grieving for your childrens loss? I have been divorced for 7 years,my three twentysomething children witnessed a painful divorce.I did not initiate the divorce and I was faithfull,if unhappy,YET,I feel at this moment,judged,unable to be part of the grieving process for their FAther who died recently from a terminal illness over a period of 1 year.
My daughter went off the rails during the divorce,but more recently seeing both parents finally settled with new partners,she came to be understanding of both her parents reasons for not being able to get along.But since his death has become two-faced towards me saying hateful things about me to her dads new wife,my Mother and her brother.
I have broken contact with my controlling and manipulative mother 3 years ago ,and am a happy wife to be,a loving mum,a person at peace,though recently feeling very unhappy.My daughter did not want me at the funeral,allowed mt Mother and Sister to attend.My mother never had anything good to say about my husband ,and made no contact with my children until they contacted her recemtly.She contacted my son on hearing of his FAthers death,in tears and said she was "disgusted at your Mother".My son was shocked and didnt know what she was talking about-it appears my daughter had told her of my marriage which is due to take place in 4 months,and i believe my daughter has said she is upset about it.I very carefully discussed this with my daughter pteviously and am hurt she has lied.i have built good relationships with both my kids and speak on the phone to my daughter nearly every day,and visit when possible.I adore both my children,and was also upset that she has inferred to lots of people that my son wants nothing to do with the family.THis is far from true,and has caused problems,but can not tell my son she has said this ,it would hurt him more at this time.
So,i am feeling attacked,vilified,trying to bite my tongue and support my grieving kids,my son is upset his granma is been at the funeral, my daughter said i had not been part of his life for years,my son pointed out to me that then why was his granma there but i cannot. I want to be dignified and not go down to the level of other family members,as i believe families are about love,not hate,trying to rise above it.
I also think my daughter has come off anti-depressants very rapidly and is getting out of control.ilove my kids so much,this is painful time for me.

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(((((sweetie))))))
Your mom sounds like a very angry women with alot of issues.If you choose for your family to have a better life filled with positive emotions, and lots of smiles, well good for you. We all have chooses to make therefore if not wanting your family to be around people that are constantly angry,& negative thoughts then this would be a wise choose in my opinon. Perhaps one day your mom will decide to go for some councelling and things will get better. Mean while take one day at a time and you do what you feel is right for your family.
Please let us know how you are doing.
((((((Hugs)))))
Miriam
Your Mom was making the event about her, not about your exhusband's death. That is unfortunate. Miriam was right, your mom is an angry woman who knows what buttons to push on you. As for your daughter, she is releasing emotions inappropriately. Many people, myself included, get irrationally angry when someone dies, and since THEY can't hear or feel my anger, I take it out on someone who can. Not healthy, but it happens.
How are you doing?
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