Mom died suddenly...I feel so lost

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2005
Mom died suddenly...I feel so lost
12
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 7:57pm

Hello,

I'm glad I stumbled across this board. On June 23, 2007, I lost my Mom suddenly to what was either a major heart attack or a stroke. She never regained consciousness and never got stabled enough for them to do a CT scan of her brain to confirm stroke or heart attack. It all happened so fast! My mom lived with my hubby and I and my six kids ages 22 yo to 15 months. She was my caregiver to my children, my rock and pilar of strength. I miss her terribly and feel so empty. I am scared and anxious wondering if I can go on without her. And I know I must in order to raise my children, the grandchildren she so loved and adored. I have a twin sister and it is just as devasting for her and her children as well.

Thank you for letting me share my story. I hope to learn from all of you, how to grieve and go on living.

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Avatar for dogandcat99
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2000
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 9:21pm

Aw, I am so sorry for your loss. I too, lost my mom earlier this year. Like many of us have said, you will heal in time. Don't worry. There is no set time for grief, it will subside and then come back and blindside you when you least expect it. Holidays will be hard, but they will get better as time goes on.

Just remember: Time will heal. Don't be afraid to talk about your mom. For me it helps. I am sad, but it still helps.

Feel free to share! I hope you feel better soon! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 11:20am

((((((Sweetie))))))

I am so very sorry for your loss. This is a soft and safe place to land. THe ladies here are wonderful.

I lost my mom in Dec of 2004. It hurt so bad. We were 400 miles away, but we talked everyday. When I got word that she only had a couple of days left....well words can't describe what I felt. We do go on each in our different ways. I would suggest that you and your precious family contact the Hospice unit in your area and have them recommend a grief counselor. Also alot of ladies suggest a daily diary. You may not be ready for that yet, but it does help. You need to grieve the way you want, we are all different and there is no right or wrong way. The sudden loss of a loved one is devastating, but you will be ok. Let the tears flow sweetheart. Tears make room for smiles and happy memories.

When your up to it sweetie, please tell us more about your sweet family. But also remember to take care of yourself. Try to get some sleep and eat right and keep yourself hydrated.

We all care here and will be here for you.

Love ya
Gail
xoxoxoxo

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 2:03pm

Hi


I am Beth, one of the cls here. You have truly found a place that understands and cares. I am sorry I couldn't answer this post yesterday, but, you will understand when I tell you that yesterday was teh anniversary of the death of my mom. It stinks, losing the one person I (and obviously you) could count on for everything.


You know what, though, even though life for me was forever changed July 12, 2001, my life went on. Different, at times painful, but I can now remember Mama without completely breaking down. My 3 year old never knew her Grandma June, so once in a while we trot out the stories for her. And they are wonderful stories.


You are so very welcome here. Please post as often as you need or want to do so.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2005
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 2:13pm
Thank you all for being so welcoming to me. It's been hard. My Mom's death was life-changing not only to me, but to my sister and her family as well as and most esp for my hubby and my children. She lived with us and played such a HUGE role in our lives. I don't understand my emotions at times. I just went back to work for the first time on Tuesday. I couldn't come back on Monday as I was scheduled to because it was only 1 week after my Mom's funeral. Most of the time here at work, I'm numb. There are times when I remember and feel like calling my Mom like I used to (because she took care of my kids so I'd call to check up on them. And she'd tell me all their antics etc.) Or someone will bring her up and tears will fall from my eyes. On Weds after work, I felt so lost and alone and very sad. Oh, and scared too! I was sobbing in the car on the way home. I try not to be too hard on myself here at work. I just can't jump back in. I have no motivation and no mental energy right now. Thank you all for letting me vent and find comfort in those who are going through or have been through what I'm going through right
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 2:55pm

My sister, Geri, lived with my DH, DDs and I. She moved in early in 2001. She was chronically ill, on dialysis and had many life threatening diseases. She also was my DD#1's favorite person on earth. When angry with her dad or I, DD would "run away from home" to Aunt Geri's. The fact that "Aunt Geri's" was right downstairs in our first floor was besides the point. Aunt Geri, when she was ill, would have tea parties on her bed. When she was well, BRE and her aunt would have elaborate dress up parties. Geri often kicked DH and I out of the house for special times with BRE.


Four days after I had my youngest, Geri had a stroke. Later in 2004 her lupus went on a rampage and in December she died.


Sometimes when I go downstairs, I still expect her there.


My DD was 9. She was devastated. Hospice had a great program for kids who were grieving. You might want to check it out for yours. They had kids as young as 4 at the program.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2005
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 4:46pm
Wow, that was a beautiful story about your sister! Thank you for sharing it with me. I do worry about my children and how they are grieving. My 3 eldest are 23, 16 and 14. They are boys and are hesitant to grieve in public. So I did think that we might benefit from grief counseling. We have a program here at work that can refer me. Thanks for the suggestion. I am so glad I have found this site!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 12:59pm

Hi!

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2007
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 4:50pm

I lost my mom 2 1/2 years ago. The first year is still a blurr and I was so lucky to have a wonderful husband to work through it all with. I started seeing the therapist that my mom and dad were going to. They talked a lot of marriage talk, but it was like hearing from her when I talked with him. I still miss her terribly, she was my best friend. Now I feel so incredibly lucky to have had such a wonderful relationship with my mother. It sounds like you had a similar relationship with your mom. I have so many of her things and some of them still have her wonderful smell. It makes me cry still, but I am so happy to have those tears. It keeps my special bond with her alive.

I hope that the coming days and weeks you will find your way again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 4:06pm

Hello, (((((Elknc))))).

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 8:28pm
I am so very sorry for the loss of your Mom. I lost my son 4th of July and I know exactly the things you're talking about as far as the emptiness. My son called me at work all the time. Now how is it going to feel when I go back to work next Monday and I don't get the calls throughout the day telling me dozens of times how much he loves me. I know it is a great loss for your family and kids especially having their Grandma right there with them. We just have to realize we can only do so much and it will be a long process getting back to normal I suppose. Be good to yourself. Take time to walk, read, take bubble baths. I came for a week to my sister's in Oklahoma. We have been walking four miles every day on the country roads. I am crying a good part of that time. I'm sad, angry, hurt, blaming myself for what I might have done differently. I'm lost, scared. These are all emotions I'll have to work through and I'm sure you have some of the same. But the only thing I do know is try to take care of yourself. Eat right. Thankfully you have your family. I am divorced so am alone except for the wonderful group of friends I have. My family is five hours away. So hold tight to your family, love them even more. I look forward to talking to you. Susie

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