Loss of Son
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Loss of Son
| Mon, 07-16-2007 - 4:58pm |
My only child, a 20-year-old son passed away 4th of July. Someone sold him Oxycotin, he fell asleep and never woke up. I went to wake him up on the couch for the 4th of July celebration and he was dead. It has been almost two weeks and I feel numb. All I can do is cry. I feel anger until the police get the two people who sold it to him. I feel anger that he bought something in the first place. He was my life. I hadn't dated in 15 years because all I wanted was to have him get his life together. He was gorgeous, sweet, loved his Mom and now I feel like there is nothing left. My name is Susie. I live in Allen, Texas and am 55 years old in a few days. He didn't do it on purpose. He graduated 5 weeks ago and I buried him in his graduation gown. I guess I am rambling but I look forward to getting and giving support here. Thank you. Susie

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Susie,
I am so sorry.
This is a time for crying, numbness and rambling. I have not lost a child but I work with people who have. Express your emotions and don't question how the pain comes out. Grief is a complex process and there wil be waves of tears and then moments of total numbness, sometimes rage. You might not be ready but generally sharing with people who
have experienced a similar loss can be very helpful.
Above all, keep expressing your feelings on boards, paper, to friends/family that will listen. I will hold you in my heart and pray that some comfort comes to you soon.
Marky.
Susie, I can not even imagine the feelings you must be having. I have just one son. he is grown now, but I don't know what I would do should anything ever happen to him.
From what you've written, you have been a very involved, loving mother. Your son sounds like a very good young man, close to his mother, he had already accomplished that degree. It is just so sad that this one decision to try something resulted in him paying the ultimate price...just as you are, the loss of your beautiful son.
My heart just aches for you. I am glad you found this board, it is the best place to find compassion, understanding and good old common sense when you just can't get it together to think straight as you go through this terribly difficult time.
Please take care of yourself.
Karen
Thank you all so much for writing. I went to the counselor today and she basically said that it was almost as if Jordan and I were one. He was very protective of me. I didn't date. My life evolved totally around him. He went to the counselor last month and he told me she said he was too protective of me. So he said, "Mom, what I'll do is you can get all dressed up and I'll take you out to this club and since I know how to talk to people so good, I'll meet just the right guy and send him over to you to get acquainted. Then when you lose about 10-15 pounds I'll get you a REALLY GOOD ONE." I thought it was so funny. He was only 20 and I just miss him so much and sound like a broken record but I want his hugs, how he rubbed my back and my feet with lotion sometimes, going to the movies. He was my best friend even when we fought. I still loved him no matter what and I will never have that kind of love again. I've had people tell me that I'm lucky I found him dead on my couch at home sleeping peaceful, not even looking dead instead of dying in Iraq or abandoned alongside somewhere where he may never have been found. Yes, I feel more comfort that he was at home but it was terrifying to see him layiing there. I am so glad I found you all and I don't want to burden you all with my sadness. I hope I can do something to help you all out. I am a very strong woman but right now I feel weak as a child.
Thank so much.
Susie
Hi,
I was wondering if you could give me any tips that you have used to help get through the loss of your child. I just feel like I want to cry or sleep, not be an active participant in life. I feel sad looking at all his smiling pictures and wonder if I'll ever feel happy again.
thanks,
Susie
http://www.oxydeaths.com/
(((HUGS))))) I am so very very sorry for your loss. My mom n my brother were very close as well. Tomorrow is his birthday. :( My mom is finally starting to at least gain a couple pounds. My God she got so dang skinny. Here's a link as well to my brothers website. Read the little Ted story if you can. I read it to my parents at the funeral. I think you will like it. (((HUGS))) Steff
http://christopher-conger.memory-of.com/
Hi Susie
It was a long time before I could go into the part of the house my sister lived in. Even now, almost 3 years later, I want to see her stuff here.
I do suggest slightly changing the living room around. Not necessarily the furniture, but maybe the knick-knacks or wall hangings. The changes may help take your eyes off the couch.
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I don't know what anyone could say about your loss.
I know what you are going through, I lost my son 2 years ago in a tragic traffic accident, I received the call 3AM and slammed down the phone and said I can't believe it. The reallization was horrible.
All the past memories flashed before my eyes remembering him in his growing up years. Now 2 years later, I only get flashes of sadness.
I have found that all we can do is go through the pain and if we just allow it to happen, it will subside.
Hanging on to memories and resentment only keeps the pain alive longer.
I admire you for having spent the time with your son rather than as you say dating. I regret that I hadn't. That is more pain to face.
Be at rest knowing he is at peace in another form and although he is not with you, he has found a place near his Father in heaven.
God give you peace.
Louise
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