Loss of Son

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Loss of Son
55
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 4:58pm
My only child, a 20-year-old son passed away 4th of July. Someone sold him Oxycotin, he fell asleep and never woke up. I went to wake him up on the couch for the 4th of July celebration and he was dead. It has been almost two weeks and I feel numb. All I can do is cry. I feel anger until the police get the two people who sold it to him. I feel anger that he bought something in the first place. He was my life. I hadn't dated in 15 years because all I wanted was to have him get his life together. He was gorgeous, sweet, loved his Mom and now I feel like there is nothing left. My name is Susie. I live in Allen, Texas and am 55 years old in a few days. He didn't do it on purpose. He graduated 5 weeks ago and I buried him in his graduation gown. I guess I am rambling but I look forward to getting and giving support here. Thank you. Susie
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2007
In reply to: suzeeh1952
Sun, 07-29-2007 - 4:06pm

Susie,

I am so sorry.
This is a time for crying, numbness and rambling. I have not lost a child but I work with people who have. Express your emotions and don't question how the pain comes out. Grief is a complex process and there wil be waves of tears and then moments of total numbness, sometimes rage. You might not be ready but generally sharing with people who
have experienced a similar loss can be very helpful.

Above all, keep expressing your feelings on boards, paper, to friends/family that will listen. I will hold you in my heart and pray that some comfort comes to you soon.

Marky.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2007
In reply to: suzeeh1952
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 10:40am
Hi Susie. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I lost my youngest son to cancer three years ago. He was 15 years old. The people here are wonderful, and even though I have just recently found this forum, I have found so much comfort through their messages (to me and to others). I read the messages here almost daily and am amazed at how they always say just the right thing. (I'm not so good at that.) : ) You are in my thoughts.
Avatar for klmuc
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: suzeeh1952
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 5:19pm

Susie, I can not even imagine the feelings you must be having. I have just one son. he is grown now, but I don't know what I would do should anything ever happen to him.

From what you've written, you have been a very involved, loving mother. Your son sounds like a very good young man, close to his mother, he had already accomplished that degree. It is just so sad that this one decision to try something resulted in him paying the ultimate price...just as you are, the loss of your beautiful son.

My heart just aches for you. I am glad you found this board, it is the best place to find compassion, understanding and good old common sense when you just can't get it together to think straight as you go through this terribly difficult time.

Please take care of yourself.

Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
In reply to: suzeeh1952
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 9:58pm

Thank you all so much for writing. I went to the counselor today and she basically said that it was almost as if Jordan and I were one. He was very protective of me. I didn't date. My life evolved totally around him. He went to the counselor last month and he told me she said he was too protective of me. So he said, "Mom, what I'll do is you can get all dressed up and I'll take you out to this club and since I know how to talk to people so good, I'll meet just the right guy and send him over to you to get acquainted. Then when you lose about 10-15 pounds I'll get you a REALLY GOOD ONE." I thought it was so funny. He was only 20 and I just miss him so much and sound like a broken record but I want his hugs, how he rubbed my back and my feet with lotion sometimes, going to the movies. He was my best friend even when we fought. I still loved him no matter what and I will never have that kind of love again. I've had people tell me that I'm lucky I found him dead on my couch at home sleeping peaceful, not even looking dead instead of dying in Iraq or abandoned alongside somewhere where he may never have been found. Yes, I feel more comfort that he was at home but it was terrifying to see him layiing there. I am so glad I found you all and I don't want to burden you all with my sadness. I hope I can do something to help you all out. I am a very strong woman but right now I feel weak as a child.

Thank so much.
Susie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
In reply to: suzeeh1952
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 11:46am

Hi,
I was wondering if you could give me any tips that you have used to help get through the loss of your child. I just feel like I want to cry or sleep, not be an active participant in life. I feel sad looking at all his smiling pictures and wonder if I'll ever feel happy again.

thanks,
Susie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
In reply to: suzeeh1952
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 9:30am
Susie, I think one of the hardest things anyone has to learn in life is to ask for and accept help.
AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2007
In reply to: suzeeh1952
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 1:16pm
Hi Suzie.. I am sooo soo sorry for the loss of your son. My parents too lost their only son in december 2006 and me of course my lil brother. he too died of an overdose but his was methadone, zoloft and xanax. Oxycontin is such a horrible horrible drug and I am still angry at the makers of it Purdue pharma for marketing it to the masses rather than to the patients who are in extreme cancer pain etc. Ticks me off to no end to hear of a 20 year old dying over one of their pills that shouod never have been in the hands of your average joe. Heres a website for you to check out. I remember reading about this woman. Here goes

http://www.oxydeaths.com/

(((HUGS))))) I am so very very sorry for your loss. My mom n my brother were very close as well. Tomorrow is his birthday. :( My mom is finally starting to at least gain a couple pounds. My God she got so dang skinny. Here's a link as well to my brothers website. Read the little Ted story if you can. I read it to my parents at the funeral. I think you will like it. (((HUGS))) Steff

http://christopher-conger.memory-of.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
In reply to: suzeeh1952
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 4:50pm
Yesterday marked the one month anniversary of Jordan's death. I am still a wreck and sitting here crying once again. Everytime I walk into the living room and see the couch where I found his lifeless body, it just makes me sick, all the blood seems to rush out of my body. I do not know what to do. I don't want to go to a movie because that's where we last went and I can just picture me sitting there patting his leg, rubbing his neck and telling him things were going to be okay and then in less than 24 hours he was dead. I go to the track and walk and look down where he used to play basketball. Other kids are playing but Jordan's not there. I don't know when I'm going to start feeling human again. I looked in his medicine cabinet yesterday and there was no hair gel. His hair always was picture perfect. I became hysterical and called my ex-husband and he said Jordan had left some there and I asked if I could have it. It seems so strange that it's not on the counter in his bathroom. How do you all go through this? I feel like I'm going crazy. Any tips would be appreciated. Thanks, Susie
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
In reply to: suzeeh1952
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 7:39am

Hi Susie


It was a long time before I could go into the part of the house my sister lived in. Even now, almost 3 years later, I want to see her stuff here.


I do suggest slightly changing the living room around. Not necessarily the furniture, but maybe the knick-knacks or wall hangings. The changes may help take your eyes off the couch.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
In reply to: suzeeh1952
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 12:04pm


I don't know what anyone could say about your loss.
I know what you are going through, I lost my son 2 years ago in a tragic traffic accident, I received the call 3AM and slammed down the phone and said I can't believe it. The reallization was horrible.
All the past memories flashed before my eyes remembering him in his growing up years. Now 2 years later, I only get flashes of sadness.
I have found that all we can do is go through the pain and if we just allow it to happen, it will subside.
Hanging on to memories and resentment only keeps the pain alive longer.
I admire you for having spent the time with your son rather than as you say dating. I regret that I hadn't. That is more pain to face.

Be at rest knowing he is at peace in another form and although he is not with you, he has found a place near his Father in heaven.

God give you peace.

Louise