Missing Mom a lot today

Avatar for dogandcat99
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2000
Missing Mom a lot today
5
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 11:20pm

My mom's friends are having a memorial service for her, as yesterday was 6 months since her death.

I had told them that I made some layouts (I scrapbook) about her from my wedding and her life. I wanted to try and make some more, but tonight, I just broke down, tears welling up. I miss her terribly and want to hug her so much. I tried working on that scrapbook right after she died and for a few weeks, thinking it would help. It did, but then it got really painful to look at her pictures. The ones from her childhood aren't as painful but the ones of her being so happy, and more recent ones (even where she looks sick) are so hard to look at and so painful.

It's really amazing how grief just overcomes you. It's gonna be a little scary tomorrow, as I haven't really seen many of these people since she died, and the ones that might not know her as well, I think might ask me questions about what happened. Her death was quite traumatic, as well as shocking for me and I don't think I want to live through that day again. So, I wonder what I will say. Can I say that that night was extremely painful and I don't want to talk about that part? I just don't want to seem rude. Even part of me doesn't want to go to it b/c of this very reason--reliving the details, crying all over again, but at the same time, mom deserves me to respect her--like it's my duty b/c other than my stepdad I will be the only family going there!

Just kind of venting, sharing my feelings.

I'll share the links of the LO's I did of her at my wedding.....

http://twopeasinabucket.kaboose.com/album_display.asp?album_id=64039#

http://twopeasinabucket.kaboose.com/album_display.asp?album_id=64039#

http://twopeasinabucket.kaboose.com/pg.asp?cmd=display&layout_id=1097385

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 11:32pm

Those are great photos.


You can say to nosy, well-meaning people anything you want. I think you put it well...I am still not ready to talk about it is another way.



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 11:51am

You do such beautiful work!

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 3:16pm

((((Sweetheart))))

You are doing great. Yes, the grief can be overcoming, but let it come. Tears make way for happy memories. You will do wonderful at the memorial. Hold your head high and stand straight (Yes, all us moms say that "stand up straight). You have made your mom and your family proud.

I love the pictures.

Love ya
Gail
xoxoxoxo

Avatar for dogandcat99
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2000
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 10:59pm
AWWWWWWWWW you guys are the BEST! I ended up telling them the whole story of what happened and I even told them I wasn't going to do that part, but it felt better that they knew. We had some prayers and there was a song from her favorite prayer thing (don't know how to explain it) and we had a picture of her up. I bawled during the whole song....I kept looking at that picture thinking she was there, enjoying that we were celebrating her life and talking about memories. It was a lot of fun, really and they were so generous. I miss her even more but it really was special to me and my stepdad...which reminds me I forgot to call him! I was dreading it, but now that it's the next day I am really glad I went!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 11:13pm

(((((Sweetie))))

I am so glad things turned out so well. I can even hear the relief and happiness in your post. Your mom is so very proud of you. Keep doing what your doing because it is working for you. Please keep posting to let us know how your doing. We all care.

Love ya
Gail
xoxoxoxo