IT IS SO HARD TO DEAL

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
IT IS SO HARD TO DEAL
5
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 11:13am

It has not been 2 months yet since my husband passed away from colon cancer. I cry all day and night. I just cant believe he is gone forever. I'm left behind to deal with everything. I'm so overwhelmed with the paper work, finances, and everything else in between. I cant even open the his closet and deal with his clothing. I look at his pictures and cry my eyes out. I try not to cry in front of my children so they wont get upset. I'm trying to give them a sense of normalcy througout this nightmare. I'm angry upset, and confused about him passing away. I go out and everytime i go outside i run into someone that knew him and ask me "how is your husband doing" I choke up and tell them that he passed away and its becoming to hard to handle. You see everyone knew that he battleling colon cancer and when he passed I buried him 2 days later. I let everyone that i knew and could get in contact with know but since i did everything very fast a lot of people did know or could not make it. My decision to do things fast was because his passing was so painful plus he suffered for so long that i felt he need to be in peace. I could not do a wake that last for several days, i could not handle it or my children. So I did the wake and the burial the same day. Some days i wake up ok but there are some days that are so rough. I have to take one day at a time.

thank you for listening
Maria

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2007
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 3:33pm

((((Maria)))))

I am so sorry that you are going through this, I am not good with words or advice, but please please take care of yourself. Just take things one day at a time, your children need you and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that you will find peace and comfort through this difficult time. The finances, yes they are difficult to do right now but eventually this will get easier, it just takes time. My mother is having to go through this right now, balancing the checkbook, paying bills and expenses, etc. My father used to take care of all of that and she wonders how in the world he did it.
I know it has got to be difficult. Sorry I can't offer much advice but I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as mentioned.

We all are here for you and care about you.

Hugs,

Sue

Sue the Ho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 11:25pm

(((((Maria))))), unfortunately what you are experiencing is not surprising at this point ... less than two months.

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2007
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 3:56am
OHHHHHHHHHHHH Maria it sounds as if everything was such a whirlwind for you. That's not a lotta time to get all that you did done. Did you have help? Please tell me you had lotsa help. Seems at even the 2 month mark you must look back and wonder how u did all that you did and how u are doing it now? Have you actually had time away from everyone to have peace and if you feel u can't express yourself how you would like at home perhaps have some time away for peace n solace a time to gather your thoughts and at the very least try to make sense of an otherwise nonsensical situation.

At times like these they are agencies which can perhaps provide some respite services to you. so you can get away without kids and have some alone time or just the ability to go to a dr.'s appt.Be kind to yourself. Do you have friends who are still hanging around after the 2 month mark?And I know how you feel about wanting to talk about them and just hoping others do too.I learned an invaluable lesson after my brothers death . It was to keep talking about the person who passed with the ppl closest to them. Listen listen listen to them talk about them without having that uncmfortable tone some get when not too comfy...stay as long as they want you to.make em a wonderful momento of their loved one a photo redone whatever. Just really BEING THERE. Is anyone really there for you? (((HUGS))) if you need anything leave me a message here Steff .
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 4:15pm
Preety much everyone from husband family have deserted me. They were not there when he was going through the chemo and the pain and everything else. When he would call to ask them for help they were to busy or tired or anything else. So basically we got help from his co workers(wonderful people) and his boss. Can you believe it his boss and co-workers were our angels. When we needed help his boss and co-workers were there not his family or mine. The only people i talk to are his co-workers and my neighbor. Everyone else my family and his abandoned me. His mother would not even come to see him before he died I begged her to come to say her goodbyes but she said she couldnt. I told her I would pay for her airline tickets but she said no. He died waiting for his mom and dad. I least i was there from begining to end. I dont expect much from our families so I'm preety much alone coping with this nightmare.
Avatar for dogandcat99
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2000
Sat, 08-04-2007 - 9:19pm

awwwwwwwww I am so sorry you are feeling so abandoned! That must be incredibly hard for you. When my mom died, my sister's coworkers were there for her much more than our family was--they cooked meals and did a lot to help her out.

I agree with the trying not to cry in front of kids. I totally understand, b/c sometimes I have a hard time crying in front of family too (even my dh) but I think it's important for them to understand it's normal to cry and to feel sad. I don't know how old your kids are (I assume from your name that they're 2 and 3.

I just wanted to say that I think you did the right thing to have the wake and burial in the same day. Losing someone you love so deeply is difficult and with my mom we did it that way too, and while I did want a traditional wake, I am glad we did it that way. It's painful enough without rehashing the wounds constantly!

I am not too good with words either, but I really hope you feel better soon, and maybe you can find someone to help you out, or to talk to. Good Luck and feel free to come her anytime to express your feelings!




Edited 8/4/2007 9:22 pm ET by dogandcat99