Uncle died
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| Wed, 08-01-2007 - 11:19am |
Well, he was actually my husband's uncle. You who know me know my husband died in December. This uncle was like a father to him, and I really loved him. He was a sweet, witty, loving, considerate man.
His death was somewhat of a shock...he went in the hospital for a broken hip while my husband was still alive, then to a rehab/nursing home for therapy. Ended up the stay was quite long because of his age. But my husband was determined to do whatever he had to do to get him back home -- his uncle did not want to be in that nursing home.
My husband had the house remodeled to accomodate his uncle's mobility needs, we had set up a nursing service to help with his care. We brought him home on a Thursday...on Saturday my husband went out to shop & fell in the store & died in the hospital. Our uncle was put right back in the nursing home after his death.
He was never the same. When I went to see him after Jim's death he was so confused about why he was back there...at that time I believed we'd be able to get him back home. But as days passed he became so confused. The dr said it was his age & so many traumas -- the fall, surgery/anesthesia, Jim's death, moving back to the nursing home. I wanted to get him home where he wanted to be, but now the person who had power of attorney kept him in there.
Then when he got very angry and tried to get up & leave on his own he hurt his back so he couldn't even get around in his wheelchair. When I would visit he would perk up but he became more & more despondent about being in there with no way to ever get home. I did everything I could to try to get him back home but finally had to realize that legally I had no standing.
I just believe he lost the will to live...he told me he didn't want to live if it meant staying in there. He started refusing food.
And now he's died. Yes, he was older...Yes, he did many things in this life...people talked about these things at the funeral. But you know what? The end of his life he was treated with such disrespect that it just saddens me so. He was an honorable, good man, a WWII veteran. A man who deserved respect. Deserved to live & die in his home as he wished...he had the money to do so and I live nearby & would have still been a part of his life, so that was not the problem.
Our uncle never thought my husband would die before him and he knew my husband would honor his every wish as his power of attorney. We were still divorced at the time the will, etc. was made out. My husband said no real thought was put into the alternate...no other family lived down here & this other person had been a friend for a number of years so he just put them down. Again, believing my husband was still young & would certainly outlive him.
SO EVERYONE, please be careful who you name power of attorney & alternate power of attorney. We all know you never know what is going to happen.
I'll go now...I'm just so upset. This has me thinking so much about my husband and my mother...even my husband I lost prior to remarrying Jim. Just everyone I've lost in the past several years. They were all people who I could lean on when I needed to. I miss them all.
Karen

(((((Karen, honey))))), I am so sorry to hear about this loss.
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Karen
I am so sorry for your loss. Your message of care for POA and Healthcare proxy is such a good one.
Peace, my friend
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