when does the pain end

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2003
when does the pain end
4
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 6:29pm
Hi there... I lost my mom to cancer almost 4 years ago, but it feels like yesterday. We were very close and had a great relationship. Our whole family was that way. My mom and dad were married 56 years and he talks of her as she was his life, even to this day. He still goes to the graveyard and knees down and prays...usually 2-3 times a day. I am close to my father and I am a carbon copy of my mother, right down to her mannerisms, she was always a peacemaker and didn't like conflict of any kind. My mom and dad sang together, my dad played guitar...all our lives and i have several cd's and tapes of the two of them together and it's wonderful. However... I am wondering why it hurts me to much to hear it, whereas my sister, can play the cd's and look back and enjoy it...where as I look back and wish it was still that way? I also suffer depression/anxiety and possible bioplar disorder, although I have yet to have a manic period. I just miss her sooo much :( Any comments would be helpful. Thank you for listening
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 8:17pm

Hi


Welcome to the board! Are you getting therapy for the possible bipolar and the depression/anxiety? If you are, you might want to ask the therapist if they know of a good grief counselor. If not, Hospice would know.


The pain fades, but doesn't necessarily go away. My cousin, my sister's best friend. and I were talking Wednesday about my late sister. My cousin can''t go to the cemetary. Just can't bare the thought of it, can't even go to our grandparent's graves because they are across the road from Geri's.


I have gone, but infrequently.


Time takes time.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2003
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 8:44pm
Thank you for your reply. Yes I am in therapy and we have talked alot and it's been helpful. It's funny...at the beginning...I had no problem going to the graveyard for at least a year or so...but as time goes on..it's getting harder. I am sooo soft..and soo emotional. Now at family gatherings...I can't help but feel that mom should be here, etc. But, for my dad, I try to be strong. If he could do it all over again...he always said he would have married mom when she was 15 lol. It makes my heart ache. I can see such a difference in him. He's now 80. He's out and about...but his thoughts are never far from mom. They were so in love right up to the very end...she would flirt with her eyes at him..days before she passed. He did everything for her during the last months. It was really amazing to see. Again, thank you for your reply. I think I've posted on all the boards tonight. It has been a great help and I thank you all :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Sat, 08-04-2007 - 8:17am

Your dad and mine sound alike. Daddy swears Mama comes and sits with him at night. The crazy thing is, we keep finding bobby pins, like the ones Mama used, on and in his couch...and HE certainly doesn't put them there.


Mama had Alzheimers...but to the end her eyes lit up when she saw Daddy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Sat, 08-04-2007 - 9:39am

You mention how differently your mother's death has affected

AcornLeaves