Update on Mom and more..................
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| Mon, 08-13-2007 - 1:15pm |
I need to give a little bit more background. As I previously stated (or at least think I did) my family and I are dealing with multiple loses, FIL 11/05, Great Grandma 11/05, My Dad 5/06, Hubby's best friend 06/06/06, and a few more peppered in there. For a while it was dangerous to be acquainted with us. Right now I am waiting on pins and needles for my Aunt to surrender to her 6 year battle with Breast Cancer, and it isn't a negative outlook on my part, I have worked in Home health care, and I can't believe that she is still going given the state of her body.
Any way my Mom has been having a really hard time with dealing with my Dad's passing. She moved to a condo, has yet to sell the family home, we are in Michigan so it will be a blessing if it sells for any amount. To add to all of this, my parents kept my son who is now 17 years old, from the time he was 7 because he had a learning disability, and I could not afford private schools. It was the best solution the family could come up with. I still interacted with him DAILY, attended school functions, he came home on weekends, and it did taper off a little bit when he became a teen but there were school dances, plans with friends, etc.
After my FIL died but before my Dad died, we were looking to purchase a new home. Looking for all kids to have their own room. Well Dad died, DS said, can't leave Grandma, don't make yourself crazy looking for a home with a bedroom for me. Right or wrong, that is what we did. However we did get a home with a fully finished basement, and made a bedroom area for him. He is thrilled with it due to the fireplace, kitchen, and livingroom area. He thinks his sisters are NUTS for not claiming it for themselves.
I announced last week, that DS is coming home finally. I knew this would be tough on my mom, but DS wanted to come home, wanted to before Dad died, but was in a whirlwind after the loses. Now my mom is using words like "I am glad he will be reunited with his birth family" WTF? He has NEVER been without me! She has suggested we need family counseling to have a successful "reintergration". We never weren't a family, we were just spread out a little more than usual. I have NEVER negated or played down the help I got from my parents, however my Mom has this fantasy that I was not in the picture at ALL for ALL these years. My sisters and extended family are as horrified as I am at her use of terms. She is calling my son crying asking if he is mad at her. He has tried to reassure her that he just wants to be with his family full time! She has to find a negative in this, there isn't one, and it is making it worse that there isn't one for her to pick into the ground.
Yesterday we finally got mom to agree to call a doctor to get some anti depressants to help her out. She seems to think that if she needs anti depressants (not something new for her, she has been on and off them for YEARS), that it negates anything positive she has done without them! I keep telling her it may make it all much easier to handle. My sisters think that by not having my son to use as an excuse, that she will HAVE to FOCUS on herself and deal with the issues at hand.
I am totally scared I am going to give my mom a nervous breakdown. At the same time, once I knew this wasn't a fly by night request from my son, or done out of anger, I had to do right by my son. His learning disabilities are totally under control, in fact he is an honor roll student. My mom had thought my stance would be, you can't move home until H.S. Graduation, but after consulting experts, I put the fear of change to bed. He will be okay changing H.S. PLUS he has friends at the new school thanks to baby sister being little Ms. Popularity.
If you read all of this GOD BLESS YOU!

Honey, I went back and reviewed your previous posts in addition to your latest one.
I'm glad you have had some counseling to guide you in some of the decisions you have had to make, especially regarding your son.