Preparing for death - checklist?
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| Mon, 09-03-2007 - 12:32am |
My Ex and I reunited about 2 years ago when he was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer, strictly so I could take care of him and he could spend more of his remaining time with our kids (DS-13, DD-10). It looks like it's coming down to the wire. The cancer is spreading aggressively, it's inoperable, and Chemo doesn't work. A rough guess is 2-3 months, with the last month being pretty sick.
What do I do with those two good(ish) months? I think we've got the paperwork covered with wills, power of attorney, medical power of attorney, living will, advanced directive, etc. I have not planned his cremation yet, so I know that's a huge ToDo. I just haven't wanted to do it. :-( Plus I know there are things I'm just not thinking of, and I'm hoping you folks can help me with these things and checklists.
I'm "it". He's estranged from his family, and my family has scattered. I have 2 or 3 close friends I plan to enlist help from.
I want everything planned out ahead of time, so that all I have to do is 1) help my kids deal with their father's death and 2) deal with my own grief. I'm pretty sure I won't be thinking clearly, and I know I won't have much help, so what do I need to do?
When the moment comes, whom do I call? How do you let everyone know? Should I set up telephone trees?
After the funeral, is an 'after gathering' expected at least for the out-of-state guests? My house is a wreck; am I expected to hold it at my house?
Can someone walk me through what I need to do, from calling the funeral home to what paperwork to file where? What do kids wear? I'll try to buy a black suit/dress. DS-13 should have a suit, and what does DD-10 wear?
There is so much. My head is spinning.
I know you people here are grieving your own losses, so I hope I'm not being insensitive. I just don't know where else to ask. The bookstore and Google failed me. If you'd rather answer offline, you can click on my handle and iVillage will direct you to my eAddress.
I very much appreciate any tips, ideas... anything. I'm lost!
Soonee

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Soonee:
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I am so sorry to hear about your x husband. You come across as a wonderful , loving and caring women. He is very lucky to have you in his life at this time.
Since you have 2-3 good friends who are willingly to help you, may I suggest that you can sit down and make list of all the people you want to contact when he passes and give this list to one of your friends to make all these calls. Once he passes if you have a newspaper company , you can have them put his passing in the newspaper along with when and where the funeral will
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