Family member was murdered....
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 09-19-2007 - 9:17am |
I feel guilty even posting this but i dont know how to feel right now. My cousin was in medical school with a 4.0 GPA and the BIGGEST HEART EVER. he noticed a homeless guy outside of his condo and the guy told him he was freezing and asked if he could crash the night.
My cousin, being the generous kind soul he was, let him in. A week later the neighbors called and said they hadnt heard from David (my cousin) in a long time. He hadnt showed up to his classes. No one had heard from him. The police found him dead in his condo and his car was stolen.
They are assuming at this point that the homeless guy murdered him and took off with his car. I am in shock. David taught me how to drive a stick shift, was so easy to please and always said how much he loved his family and wanted us to be closer.
I can almost not beleive it. It seems fake, like he will call tomorrow and everything will be fine again. My mom is going to my Aunts today (Davids mom's) and i wanted to go but i think they need sister time where they can just cry and lean on each other. Im scared to call my aunt and talk to her and share my grief with her because i think the more people that call the more "real" the situation becomes.
Im sad and confused and I need advice on how to handle this. Thank you all in advance.
-Leah

Pages
(((((Leah))))), my heart breaks for you and your family in this terrible loss.
thank you for your kind words and support. It still hasnt hit me yet. The autopsy is next week and the wake is after that and i feel so guilty but i am dreading it because i know thats when its all going to seem so real. I dont handle death well. It really shakes me up. especially someone i loved, a family member.
i really hope the homeless man that did this to David gets whats coming to him. i know feelings of revenge and vengance arent healthy, but i cant help it. I want him to pay for what he did....i hope our justice system comes through in the end.
Hi, welcome
Sudden death is so hard to take, and murder is even worse. Please know that we are here for you.
Thank you all for your support. New information was found by the coroner and they found his body on Sept. 18th and put his time of death at Sept 3rd (Labor day) ......he was alone all that time in the apartment before anyone found him. This was because he called his mother on sept 2nd and told her he lost his cell phone so she might not hear from him for awhile.
This is really hard to swallow and Im almost thinking that it was suicide and he didnt want his mother to worry of why she hadnt heard from him and go to his condo and find him dead. Of course that doesnt cover all the bases ...like why was his car stolen then? But what is even weirder was the fact that when they found him his condo was IMMACULATE....dishes were done, bed was made, everything was spotless. no signs of a struggle. there is so much confusion here and i want closure on his situation so we can all be at peace and begin the healing process.
I feel like not knowing FOR SURE isnt letting him rest peacefully. its killing my mother, my aunt and me. its unbearable waiting for the autopsy reports and they told my aunt she doesnt want to see her son in the condition he is in.
they are planning on cremating him and sprinkling his ashes all over the beautiful farm land with the lake that my aunt lives on. Its beautiful there and they feel that is what David would have wanted. Thanks again for all your support. Im sure i will feel alot better in a week when i know what happened to him for sure. You are all so strong.
((((((((Leah))))))) My deepest condolences go out to you and your entire family on this terrible loss.
Leah,
I'm very sorry to say that I was in your shoes about a year ago. My cousin was killed by her ex-boyfriend who then killed himself leaving behind their daughter.
There is no right way to grieve, but I would caution you in the anger phase. It is so easy to get hung up there and let it consume you. i'm not saying that you shouldn't be angryl I'm asking that you make sure it's healthy.
Try to talk this out with your family. Too often we try to protect each other, but family is there to be vulnerable with each other. Who better than the people who contributed to who you are and will become to share your feelings? Sometimes the best way to heal your self is to help another through healing. If your aunt isn't ready, she'll let you know. But I'm sure she loves you deeply and wouldn't want you to be in pain by trying to be strong for her. In my case, my uncle took comfort that he didn't have to act strong around the family because we could cry together.
If there is media attention - do not listen to it. Turn off the tv and set down the paper. I say this because it was a constant opening of the wound for me. I would start to feel good and then i'd have to start all over. Tape it or save the article if you'd like, but don't do it to yourself right now.
If there is anything else you might need from me, please let me know. There is a way to send me a direct e-mail through here, and barb can help you get in touch with me.
I am a divinity student, so I will put you in my prayers during the day, and I will lift your family in my prayer group. I hope that you are able to feel those prayers for peace coming to you.
All my grace and love to you,
Kelly
I dont even know what to say. you are all so compassionate....thank you so much. just being able to talk to women like you is a blessing. im so sorry you all have been through your losses. its tough, but it made us all stronger knowing our loved ones are in better places. i appreciate all your words of kindness.
Leah-
I am truly sorry for your loss.
Pages