I Lost My Mom
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| Mon, 01-21-2008 - 1:21am |
My mom had become critically ill in September 2007 with COPD and congestive heart failure. She had many hospitalizations and I cared for her full time at home, with a nurse checking in twice a week. While mom was sick, I had no family support while caring for her and did everything regarding her care all alone (I also have a 7 year old son). Mom became extremely critical and was admitted to the ICU last Friday. She had to be kept under sedation and was placed on a ventilator. Even though her pulmanologist was optimistic, I felt the end was very close for and began spending as much time as possible with her. Last weekend, my mom's family became very critical of the decisions I've made on mom's behalf and criticized me during virtually every phone call I made to them updating them on mom's condition. My brother refused to come in from out of state to say goodbye to my mom because she wasn't leaving him any money (she had none to leave). Mom's family criticized me for this too, even though my brother's actions were not in my control. Mom died on January 15, 2008. Mom had a large circle of friends and they, along with my best friend, were extremely supportive and loving, helping me in ways my mom's family wouldn't. I had no money for flowers and my best friend sent flowers from me and my son, as well as flowers from her and her boyfriend. My mom's friend, as well as my best friend, held my hand and supported me while I was making funeral arrangements and taking care of all the little things that need tending to when someone passes away. They cried with me and shared memories of happier times before mom got so sick. My best friend cared for my son while I called friends and family to let them know mom had died.
Right now, I am so angry with mom's family and how selfishly they are acting. I'm angry for them making me doubt the decisions I made for my mom and the hints that I didn't take care of my mom well enough--my mother's sister even said "I can't believe you've allowed your mother to die this way...". I know she has her own grief she has to deal with, but at a time when I needed comfort this hurt me all the way to my soul. Then she blamed me for my brother's actions.
I need to get over this anger and pain that my mom's family has caused me so I can grieve for my mom and so I can help my son grieve for his grandmom. My dad's family, my mom's brother and his children, and mom's and my friends have been so wonderfully supportive, but the people who were really important in my mom's life had made me feel so guilty and so angry. My mom has always been my number one supporter and cheerleader in my life and now she's gone and I feel so alone. How can I get over this anger and let the real healing begin? I am doubting all the decisions I made now and am questioning if I could have cared for my mom better. I know it's still early days, but I'm finding it harder and harder to cope.








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I am so sorry about your mom's death!
Jenny,
I am so sorry about your Mom's passing.
Do not let the criticism get to you. They maybe suffering tier own guilt for not doing more and say negative things as a result. Even is they are just being nasty what is important is what you feel.
The flowers and the funeral are things for the survivors not the dead. Let me tell you no one has money for them.
Mom died a year ago this March at 63, CHF and Right heart failure Stroke. I was blessed with siblings and a Father that understood the basic need is to remember her love and our love to each other.
I had been let out of my work contract because I had left to go home when mom was first in the hospital. A blessing because I was able to spend almost the last 3 weeks of her life with her when everyone else had to work and take care of the nephews.
(((((Jennie, sweetheart,)))))
I am so sorry for your loss. Mom was very fortuante to hve such a loving, compasionate, caring, daughter and caregiver.Do not waste your good energy on being angry with all these people who have not been supportive of your mom and of you. All these negative comments that are being thrown at you, is most probably the quilt that they feel at this moment for not being there for her or for you. Do not allow
((((Jennie Sweetie,))))
My dad has passed away 28 years ago. He had cancer of the liver, and for 5 1/2 months he was in pain. My dad was at home and on lots of medication, and the last two days of his life, he was in the hospital. His lungs were filling up with water and he was totally aware of his surroundings and his wheres about. The 2nd day I was watching this poor man lying
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