Father's Day - Ouch
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|Mon, 06-14-2010 - 9:07pm|
I often lurk on a lot of message boards and don't really post cause I don't feel like I have much to offer. But I am reaching out because I am feeling especially sad and lonely and vulnerable lately.
I lost my Dad April 2nd of this year to Pancreatic Cancer and I am nothing short of devastated. Although I am almost 30 years old (September!! time goes fast geez)he was a ROCK in my life and I was Daddy's little girl in every way shape and form.
For the first month or so I was ok and was able to move on, I guess I was going through that phase of denial but now I just am so sad all the time. My chest literally hurts with how sad I am and getting through every day is a struggle. I just can't believe he is gone and I will never speak with him again. Every sense of comfort I had in the world is completely shaken and I am so freaked out.
I just want things to go back to how they were before and I don't know how I am ever going to pull myself out of this. The pain is so big.
I am lucky to have a great support system of friends and family and my boyfriend is nothing cut short of amazing but I am so freaked out that this is going to ruin us. How much can someone take of a cranky depressed person?
The worst part is that I am normally a happy person, I always try to go through life with a positive outlook and a smile on my face. This is so hard for me cause I want to be happy, I want to be in a good mood, but my insides literally hurt.
Anyway I needed somewhere to share my feelings and am always thankful for the support I get on these boards when I do reach out. So thanks again for listening :)