Father's Day - Ouch

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2007
Father's Day - Ouch
8
Mon, 06-14-2010 - 9:07pm

Hi there,

I often lurk on a lot of message boards and don't really post cause I don't feel like I have much to offer. But I am reaching out because I am feeling especially sad and lonely and vulnerable lately.

I lost my Dad April 2nd of this year to Pancreatic Cancer and I am nothing short of devastated. Although I am almost 30 years old (September!! time goes fast geez)he was a ROCK in my life and I was Daddy's little girl in every way shape and form.

For the first month or so I was ok and was able to move on, I guess I was going through that phase of denial but now I just am so sad all the time. My chest literally hurts with how sad I am and getting through every day is a struggle. I just can't believe he is gone and I will never speak with him again. Every sense of comfort I had in the world is completely shaken and I am so freaked out.

I just want things to go back to how they were before and I don't know how I am ever going to pull myself out of this. The pain is so big.

I am lucky to have a great support system of friends and family and my boyfriend is nothing cut short of amazing but I am so freaked out that this is going to ruin us. How much can someone take of a cranky depressed person?

The worst part is that I am normally a happy person, I always try to go through life with a positive outlook and a smile on my face. This is so hard for me cause I want to be happy, I want to be in a good mood, but my insides literally hurt.

Anyway I needed somewhere to share my feelings and am always thankful for the support I get on these boards when I do reach out. So thanks again for listening :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 9:28am

I remember my mom when my grandfather passed away, she was about your age at the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2009
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 3:33pm

Hi,
welcome to the board although I am sad that the reason you are here is because you have suffered loss.

In the initial stages of bereavement we are in shock and that often makes us feel we are actually coping well. This truth is that reality takes a short time to kick in and then we have to face our loss and that is so hard to do.

You are still so early on in the process of mourning for your dad and you and your family are bound to feel devastated by the change in your lives. I always say it isn't only that we lose the ones we love but also many of our dreams of the future pass away with them and that hurts to. We feel like we have been robbed .

Anniversaries, special days like Father's day will hurt and the first of everything hurts the most. I think we gradually end up accepting it. It doesn't mean we have to like it though. Life does move forward, the wounds scab over and life gets better. I don't believe we ever truly heal but we do end up with things being less raw.

Allow yourself time to mourn your loss. It is ok to cry, to scream, to be angry and slowly to heal, in your own time and your own way. I know we can not turn back the clock for you but please don't feel you have to lurk. Post and we will do our very best to support you through this. Also, as Amy has suggested, seek out grief counseling. I have gone that route myself and it does help enormously

Promise



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-1999
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 12:36pm

{{{{Hugs}}} I am sorry for the loss of your Dad.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2009
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 2:52pm

Hi Angie,
I am not sure we ever quite get over it. I think things get better but these special days always will make us feel sad.

Promise



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 5:31am

Hi Ski:

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2009
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 4:27pm

Hi Josie,
welcome to the board. I am so sorry for your losses.

Promise



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 4:32am

Thanks Promise, I have posted on the loss of a parent board, but not much activity over there, so popped over to this one.


My Mom was 87, and there is this picture of her a 2yr old, we had it professionally framed and it is sitting on the other couch,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2009
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 4:07pm

Hi Josie,
we often do transfer our anger to other people or situations. I know I did that myself. It is a very normal reaction to bereavement.

How lovely to have the picture of your mom and so nice that you continue to talk to her. I believe that our loved ones, when they pass into spirit, are still with us, still hear us. It comforts me and I hope will comfort you.

In gentleness,

Promise