Dad is ignoring grandson

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2009
Dad is ignoring grandson
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 12:19am

Hello....I have posted here before. My grandfather died in January and my grandmother died in April. These were the two people who (helped) raised me and my brother. My mother was a single mom who was struggling and they really pitched in.

Of course, we were devestated when they died. They were the glue who held the family together.

Here is my question: My children and I ate lunch every Tuesday with my grandparents, dad, stepmother, and other family members. My son is 4 and my daughter is really too old to remember. She isn't who I am worried about....My grandfather died suddenly in January. My grandmother basically gave up the day he died. The issue I have is that my father and stepmother have not seen my son (or daughter) since January. I have asked them to come by and see my son but they just blow me off. I have really given up....I feel like my son has lost his great- grandparents, his grandfather, and grandmother. Of course, I no longer mention them but sometimes he wonders where they are. Afterall, it has been almost 8 months.

Am I being selfish to think they should understand that my son has lost part of his family? Of course, my son is fine but it really shocks me that they were soo close to him and now they just ignore him.

Or is it too soon after their deaths? Perhaps my dad is still in shock from loosing his parents?









iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2009
Sun, 07-11-2010 - 5:56pm

Hi Sarah,
bereavement affects people in different ways and there may be several reasons that are making them 'ignore' your son.

Firstly eight months is not that long in the grieving process so they may still be struggling to come to terms with it all. Another thing that crossed my mind reading your post was that, due to the number of bereavements recently, they may feel cutting themselves off from your son now would protect him from suffering when they pass away.
Also some folks just shut down emotionally for quite a time to try and protect themselves from the pain. Sadly they don't notice how this can cause pain to other around they who value their love and support.

I think all you can do is go with the flow of things for the time being and, hard though it will be, painful too, wait for them to make the first move.

In gentleness,

siggy by hubbswifey...Katie

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 11:54am
My dad did this, he kind od shut himself off...he really doesn't have a close relationship with ANY of his six's sad.
Maybe your dad will come around after a little while.
Maybe sending little cards or pictures for you and your kids will remind him he is not ALONE that he has his daughter and her two children.
My dad has started to, it's probably too late for my ds but he has seen my dd recently, she is his oldest grand-child and grand-daughter.
I think my sister and I remind my dad of our Mom, that to might be painful.
Sometimes we just need some time and space ALONE.
I am sure HE loves ALL of you.