New to board - Mom's viewing is today

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2010
New to board - Mom's viewing is today
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 9:54am

Hi, I'm new to the board. My mom died Tuesday and her viewing is today and funeral tomorrow. Mom was sick for 14 years with asthma, diabetes and was on oxygen 24/7. Even though she was sick, her death was very unexpected. She was in the hospital and we celebrated her birthday (7/31) on Sunday. She had a great time, laughing and joking. And then Monday she just took a turn for the worse and ended up in critical care at midnight. She never wanted to have any life saving measures, like a ventilator, etc. But, Tuesday morning, she had the nurse call me to come to the hospital and agreed to the ventilator. She told me she didn't want to die (she was only 64) and I told her I didn't want her to either. I needed her. 2 hours after doing the ventilator, she crashed. She had pneumonia, sepsis and her kidneys were failing. They tried CPR for 40 minutes but she was gone.

My family cared for her for 14 years. She was homebound and couldn't take care of herself. She suffered so much. Someone told me my mom said my dad, who died in 1987, had been calling her recently in her dreams. I know they are together again, and she is no longer suffering and is happy and watching over us. It just hurts so much. I would give anything to have one more day with her. I wish I went to the hospital Monday, but she didn't tell me how bad she was. Even my step-dad who was there didn't realize how bad until late Monday night.

Mom was my life. Everything was about her. What do I do now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 3:06pm

I'm so sorry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2009
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 12:14am


I always hate having to welcome people to the board because it means they are in such grief and pain. I am so sorry for your loss, Moms are such special people and no matter how old we are, we always seem to need our moms.

Nothing ever prepares us for loss but even when we know it could be a possibility, the pain is still as great. You are still in the initial stages of bereavement and it will be a roller coaster ride of emotions for you. I wish I could take the pain from you but all I can do is offer you my shoulder to lean on and a listening ear.

I have the belief that when it is our time to pass into spirit, we are met by our loved ones who come to escort us to summerland Heaven. It is my belief that this happened for your mom. I know it is no comfort to you yet but she is flying free. She is still with you but you just can't physically see her.

In gentleness,


siggy by hubbswifey...Katie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Sun, 08-08-2010 - 3:20pm

I am so very sorry that you Mom died.

Take care of yourself, grieve any way you need to in order to heal.

Your Mom will always be with you in your heart.


A hug can turn your day around.

The ultimate freedom we have as human beings is the power to select what we will allow our mind to dwell upon.

I am an unique, beautiful, unrepeatable, miracle of God.