Brother being taken advantage of

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2010
Brother being taken advantage of
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 12:00am

Hi, Please tell me that I am not crazy or am I just being nosy and mean? A little back ground. In Jan my sister inlaw passed away suddenly, this has been really hard on my brother and I have been trying to help him. After my sister inlaw died we were very aware of how much she did for my brother, she took care of everything, From bills to mowing the lawn to keeping him in check with his buying habits!

After my sil died, my brother started buying things, going to goodwill, savers and pawn shops. I was in his house a couple of months ago and couldnt walk in the living room. It was really sad, it was never like that before, the saddest thing is that my sil ashes sit on a card/poker table with junk on top! I know he is still grieving and I understand that.

My other siblings are concerned for my brother, we think he is a hoarder that has kicked into overdrive. We also feel that he is a adult that has ADD that has never been diagnoised. He is extremly disorgainized, he reminds us of the absent minded professor. He is very, very smart, seems to know just about every topic of discussion! But on the other hand he dosnt seem smart, he cant use a computer, if he messes up the tv remote he has no channels to watch. He sometimes drives his car in the wrong gear! Since my sil died he has put numerous dings and scratches in the car.

But these things seem small considering what I think is going on know. Before my sil died she had a friend, I will call her nancy. They were friends for maybe 10 years and she is married. Nancy is starting to be friendly with my brother, which is ok if you have the right intentions. This friend is losing her house to forclosure and filed bankruptcy, I feel it is their own fault. Buying two Harlys and having a new house built, plus having to buy all new furniture for the house. Not to mention her husband lost his job because he had too many DWI's

I ran into Nancy the other day and she bragged to me how she has a key to my brothers house and can go in it anytime she wants! My brother gave her his computer the other day, he said it was her idea, but it is still his but she is just using it. She also opened up my deceased sil facebook account, which I find creepy. I am very concerned that my brother has given them thousands of dollars, back in Jan he mentioned to me that he might buy a house for them! I know he is an adult and can make his own decisions, but sometimes I wonder? He even asked me if I knew where is password book was, I think nancy wanted it. I have helped my brother with numerous things and I know he has maybe over $400,000 in 401ks and IRA accounts.

I have kind of mentioned things to my sil family and they seem to want to stay out of it. I think if they are not concerned now they will be later because they decided to give my brother 1/3 of my sil mothers house when she dies. He is on the deed and if Nancy does what I' am thinking she is up to she could get 1/3 of that house too! It just seems like my brother is very gullible and if Nancy says jump he says how high! He wears rose colored glasses when it comes to her.

I just have a very bad feeling about this person and not sure what to do anymore, I let my brother know my concerns but it just seems to go in one ear and out the other. It is just a shame that him and my sil have worked very hard all these years and have the possibility of someone trying to take it all! I know I have no right to any of his possesions or money, but I dont think other people do either! Sorry this is so long, I just needed to vent and get some opinions. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 9:27am

Oh boy, what a predicament.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2009
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 11:21am


I am so sorry for the loss you and your brother are going through. Your brother must feel like he has been cut adrift and that, combined with grief, is having a very profound effect on him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2010
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 11:39am
Thank for your comments. It is nice to just vent about this, my hubby is probably getting tired of me talking about this! Sometimes I wish I could just move far, far away! I will check out the toxic relationship board and see what they suggest. Thanks again for taking the time to read my post.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2010
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 8:48pm
i really would get advice about this and try to act quickly, don't naive and think 'maybe not' these will be her intentions , we just want to see the good in people, this happened to my uncle when my aunt died, he lived miles away from us, some friends down the road from him, ended having a house bought by my uncle, and he was in no fit state to make decisions like this, they robbed him , they had been friends to my aunt and uncle for many years but it is amazing what some people will do, whom you would never think they could. i don't have the answer but you have to care, it will be very hard work, more support of your family and some friends that they had , maybe asking them to visit more often , get him out of the house for a meal , walks, things he may like to do, hopefully see the doctor if he needs more help,
i am a broke person believe me and i don't get into relationships because of it no one knows how broke i am, i can not join in the same , financially as i would want to pay my way more and could not afford to, there is no way i would be taking things off another person, she should be acting more caring, and maybe when all the family and friends see him more, you may see that she is good and not need to be concerned, then you an make a good decision, hope this helps