in desperate need of advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
in desperate need of advice
2
Thu, 09-18-2003 - 4:32am
Please somebody help me with this. It may get long and could be personal to somebody who's been abused.

I was abused by my cousin when I was 11. Immedietely I started getting discharge and he left me disfigured. I'm very ashamed. I'm married now, and have a son, but only my OB has ever seen me down there. My husband has never been allowed to look or touch. He just thinks I'm modest. The first time I went to the OB I tried to tell him that I was abused. He only asked me if I wanted a nurse in the room. He never commented on the way I looked. He never commented on much of anything. I went to the Dr. visits and never said more that 10 words to him, nor him to me. When my son was born, I heard him comment about me to the nurse as he was stitching me up. He said something about never seeing one as bad. She agree'd. If he can comment to the nurse why wouldn't he ever have brought it up to me? And tried to help me? I was always so terrified and too ashamed to say anything! I still am. I haven't been back to the gyno since I had my son, and he's 7 years old.

The discharge I mentioned earlier? Never went away. Only got worse. When my son was 1 I started using pantyliners daily to help with the wetness/odor. Now the discharge is getting to a point where it's so hard to deal with. The odor is bad and I'm constantly stressing over it every day. Not to mention I haven't had my period in 5 months. I've taken PG tests and all were negative so I don't know why I'm missing. I know I need to see a Dr. I'm still so ashamed. Even more so that I've let it go on for so long. Please, does anybody have any advice on how I can approach a Dr. about this? Has anybody had any similar experiences or conditions?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Thu, 09-18-2003 - 12:24pm
I'm so sorry for what you have been through. Not just the abuse but also the doctor who didn't care enough to comfort you.

As far as the discharge goes, you said it. You need to go the the doctor. This time, find one who's more caring. Maybe try a woman this time. Ask your friends and family if they can recommend a doctor. I think your experience with the doctor was an isolated one. I can't imagine that happening again. If your nervous, take someone whom you trust with you. That could really help you take the next step and see someone.

Again, I'm so sorry for what you've been through. No matter what a doctor has said to you, you need to take care of yourself and stay healthy.

Take care,

Kristin

 


 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-18-2003 - 11:15pm
Hi there.. I am also sorry that you have been through so much. It is time to take care of yourself. You do need to see a Dr especially if you are having a bad discharge. Your Dr doesn't sound like a very caring person.. I would find someone with more of a bedside manner. Make sure you are honest and upfront.. I know it is hard to talk about and you fear that they will judge you, but what happened to you was NOT your fault. Maybe a Dr can guide you to someone that can help you with the self esteem and mental part of it. You could first start by telling your husband.. and maybe he can be there to support you. Please do not put this off any longer, that is a long time to not see a Dr. and believe me GYN's have seen about everything!! Please take care of yourself first...be open, honest and don't let yourself for a minute think that there is something wrong with you.

I hope this helps.... Keep us posted.

Hugs,

Gin :)