Religion Folder Failure Alert!

Avatar for nosewiper
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Religion Folder Failure Alert!
19
Thu, 04-10-2003 - 10:42am
Avoid the birth-control poll if you want to avoid religious discussion!

(and boy, do we need longer discussion titles!) Anyway, if religion offends you, please avoid that birth-control poll...and if anyone has some ideas as to how to handle such hot topics that arise within a thread, let me know! I really didn't mean to start what I started down there, but didn't want know what else to do with my post!

Why, oh WHY, do we have to have this new format??? Aaaaagh!!!

Apologies...

Jenn.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 04-10-2003 - 10:58am
Wow, if we have lost any posters due to the "changing of the boards," Jenn, you are singlehandedly bringing many of them back, I'm sure. You have managed to keep this board quite lively the past few days!

My only regret is that I don't know you IRL, I really believe it would be awesome to chat with you while hanging out laundry or some such thing, and pick your brain further. I just find you an amazingly interesting person.

BTW, I wish you would stop ridiculing the socks threads...I find them quite amusing personally.

Lisa

Avatar for nosewiper
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-10-2003 - 12:24pm
And here I was quite convinced that if we hadn't lost enough members already, I was scaring the rest of them AWAY! (Still think that, in fact).

AAAAackkk...back to my odd socks and my neglected household, where I belong...

Jenn.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 04-10-2003 - 12:43pm
Jenn,

I know I'm a lurker (so much a lurker that you probably don't even know who I am!), but I just wanted wanted to say thank you!

Thank you that you are strong in your faith and are not afraid to say what you feel and believe. Don't ever let anyone stop you from that!

I think the way you handle your posts are tactful, and just FINE!

You know, people always talk about their right to freedom of speech, but it seems when Christians try to say anything, they get in trouble for trying to "cram religion" down peoples' throats. Drives me nuts!

I'm not as eloquent as you are, but just felt I had to say something!

Hugs,

Diane

(mom to 3, and hoping to be pregnant by summer!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-10-2003 - 2:24pm
Who would have every thought a simple question about birth control could generate so much heat. I actually find the whole thing very disturbing. As I have mentioned before I do believe in God. I pray everyday and attend church and have a certain set of standards I live by.

When I first moved to Delaware, I met a woman. We became friends and we did everything together. She was the closest thing to a sister I have ever had in my life. Our only differences were I believed in God and she didn't. I never pressured her or told her she was going to hell because her beliefs were not the same as mine. We had alot of other things in common and never once argued about religion. But, About 10 years later she met a man who introduced her to his church and in three years she became a Christian. She criticized my religion, her religious way was always the more righteous way. In her eyes I was a horrible wife and Mother because I was not the Christian woman she had now become. We could no longer discuss everday issues because they always became religious issues. Eventually our calls became less frequent and our friendship was lost.

I spend alot of time pondering this and not understanding this because I believe my God is an excepting God who embraces everyone, regardless of race, religion, or other convictions they may have. I have friends of all different religions. I really try and find good in everyone because I believe that is what God wants us to do...I do try to respect other peoples opinions.

Yet, I read these post and its a flashback of that "holier than thou" attitude saying I have the perfect religion, your basically saying "your all less of a person because you do not except Christ as your savior" Does that mean every Jew will go to hell??? I personally don't think so. Grayson has no religion, but that doesn't mean she isn't a good person or that she is a loser parent. That is why I find it hard to understand the Christain religion...because it seems almost like a cult. Where no one is admitted unless you have the exact same way of thinking.

I wanted a board which talked about large families and family life. The first thing I noticed was that alot of people who had large families did so because of their religion. Which is not why I have a large family. But, I stuck around trying to fit in...and was actually glad about one thing on this NEW board and that was having a religious folder which I could tactfully avoid...because regardless of what you think too many times it is rammed down your throat on this board.

I personally do not enjoy coming to a board to see a religious/righteousness war going on here. Our own country is at war and being a Christian I would think a little compassion and respect for our fellow man isn't asking too much. Do you really have to always have the last word??? Thats all I have seen over the last few days. Is sarcasm, or freedom of speech or whatever you want to call it....

I personally will be finding a more friendly board who wants to talk about potty training, breastfeeding and pregnancy. Not whether I am going to hell or not.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 04-10-2003 - 4:50pm
Tact, like most other things, is in the eye of the beholder.

To be tactful is "the ability to appreciate the delicacy of a situation and to do or say the kindest or most fitting thing" (per Am. Heritage Dictionary).

An example of a tactful statement: Jenn's posts are spirited and direct.

IMHO, there is always room for more tact and mercy and kindness, especially when religion is mentioned. I think it would have been appropriate to continue the birth control discussion/debate in the Religion Folder, once it sequed into a religious vein.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 04-10-2003 - 6:27pm
You know, people always talk about their right to freedom of speech, but it seems when Christians try to say anything, they get in trouble for trying to "cram religion" down peoples' throats. Drives me nuts!


Except when that is exactly what they are doing. No "I believe this" or 'in my opinion' or "This is what my religion teaches' Just "you are all wrong and going to Hell." It's not a free speech issue.. it's a tact issue.

It drives ME nuts to be told my religon is wrong and I am going to Hell.

GET IT?

BTW I am also unsubbing from the Yahoo group.

So, go to your nice 'diverse' little community and talk about me all you like.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-10-2003 - 6:41pm
Gosh, Jenn. You just get yourself into trouble ALL the time. I haven't checked the board for a while and when I did today, I see all this mess you've gotten yourself into...again. I guess I'll have to hang around here more and just figure this stupid board out. If nothing else, just to send you some (((hugs))). Now, I'll go to the bottom and finish reading the birth control question/ answer. I won't even add my opinion, you already did. Thanks.

Kathy

Avatar for thekebs
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 04-10-2003 - 7:42pm
You wrote what I have been thinking and didn't think I could put in to words.

Thank you for your post. It's just always been so hard for me to get over

the going to "hell" idea anyway. growing up I had a grandma that I just loved

that would tell me and my sister we were going to hell because we took a ballet class. I was 6 and took one class about 2 months long. I can't tell you what it feels like to be a young child and think you are going to "hell". just last week I was having lunch with her and i it came up that a inlaw had passed away and first thing she says is "was she saved cause if not her sole is lost" I have struggled with this belief all my life and have now found a faith that has helped me understand and seems more real to me. I would never say my way is the only way but it sure feels like the kinder loving God I always knew was there.

I often feel like I don't fit in here because of my own issues and seem to post less than I would like to. Now with the new format its harder. my tok family doesn't seem to fit we are a blended family and at times I feel out of place. I still enjoy coming and reading when I can I just don't feel like I always fit in

anyway just my 2 cents :)





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Avatar for nosewiper
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-10-2003 - 10:12pm
"I won't even add my opinion"??? WHAT????? You're not going to jump into this stewpot with me??? Just WHERE is your sense of fun, of comraderie, of...of...uh, well...ok...I guess I don't blame you...too much...

Well, thanks for the hug anyway. I needed one. Glad to see you back, if only to sigh and shake your head.

Jenn (tail tucked and skulking back under her mountain of odd socks)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 04-11-2003 - 3:30am
First, let me say that I am sorry for the role I've played in generating a situation which is causing members to leave. I gave vent to my feelings, which apparently resonated with those of some others here, and perhaps opened some old, deep wounds.

Second, the "birth control" thread has actually helped me to feel *more* welcome here. I was honest about my feelings / view, and I didn't get stomped on. Rather, I was able to participate in what, to me, seemed like a thoughtful exchange of ideas and viewpoints. I happen to like engaging in philosophical give-and-takes, however. If you do not, it's probably best to leave a thread when it takes that kind of turn.

Third, Jenn may be less-than-ideally-tactful, and she certainly steps on some toes. But we readers must also take responsibility for *our* filters when reading. Jenn points out often enough in her posts that she knows she's expressing unpopular or potentially offensive views, and that they are just that: her views. I don't think we should get too upset about her failure to preface *every* statement with "My personal view, which doesn't apply to anyone else but me, but is just my own, personal idea of how things work, is...." By the same token, no one should get too upset about the expression of ruffled feathers. That kind of feedback is how we learn to express ourselves in ways that another can listen to and thoughtfully consider, instead of just vomiting on our audience and pushing every button they have.

Fourth, Jenn has been, as far as I can tell, the strongest advocate here of the put-threads-in-the-right-folder movement. I agree, the birth control post probably should have been in the Religion folder from the get-go, because it is a question whose answer is heavily tied to one's belief system. But it wasn't. To suddenly jump halfway through the thread and start up in a new folder would have been confusing. (It would be nice, oh iVillage, if you are listening, for CLs to be able to *move* entire threads to a different folder.)

Fifth, these boards are public, and as such, they contain a mix of people and ideas. In any group in which you might discuss family issues, be it online or in your neighbor's living room, there will be differing viewpoints. Such is life, thank goodness. And just as with IRL conversations, conversations here sometimes wander from their original topic and meander through all kinds of conversational territory, some parts more pleasant, some less. That is not a problem; it's *life*.

Sixth, these boards *are* public. TOKers, do remember that any non-posting and remaining-in-one's-designated-folder that we lurkers do is out of consideration for your wishes, not because we *must*.

--Grayson

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