I hope you enjoy this as much as I did..

Avatar for kiggidyk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I hope you enjoy this as much as I did..
5
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 10:32am
a friend of mine just forwarded this to me and I was hysterical reading it....

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note

on the door:


1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior

and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh!t out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't

say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and

eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .

12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for

the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a

peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

:)

Avatar for iwantpeace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 11:03am
Oh my goodness!!!! too much!!!
~~~ Mae~~~
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 7:13pm
I have to show my grandmother that! She's Catholic and quite religious, but with a sense of humor!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 7:22pm


This is great Kim!

Thanks so much for sharing it here :)

~Hugs~

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Avatar for bkarkutt
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 9:11pm
ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL I CAN'T STOP ROFL ROFL ROFL
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 11:43pm


Lolol, thanks for the laugh Kim. :) Passing this on to a few I know. ;)