Question for anyone with children

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Question for anyone with children
65
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 11:00am
Starting a family isn't too far off in the distance for me right now. I turned 29 in May and am definitely feeling the itch lately. The BF and I have talked about it and I can see it won't be too long. Obviously our immediate focus is just getting settled somewhere. I just have some questions for everyone here that has children.

1. Were your children planned or surprises?

2. Were you married when you first discovered you were pregnant?

3. At what age did you have your first child? Your last?

4. How many do you have?

5. Looking back, do you wish you waited until you were older or wish you had them younger?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 11:37pm
>>My ,such personal questions!! but I am not shy!!

**Thank goodness you are not

>>..wonder what my parents were doing on Valentine's Day!! EWWWWWW

**Bet our boys say that about us now, LOL

~Hugs~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 11:41pm
Hi Cindi,

Great to see you here :)

2. Were you married when you first discovered you were pregnant?

Yep :) Society is a lot looser now. When my children were born, being unwed and pregnant still made little old ladies scowl and say "tsk,tsk"

------------------------------------------

Society is *very* different now .. not sure if that's a good thing or not

Aren't *boys* the best .

Thanks for stopping by :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 11:43pm


>>3. At what age did you have your first child? Your last? 25 and 28

4. How many do you have? Two terrific sons in all senses of the word!!

**Let's see, and my guys came when I was 26 and 29. :) We're a lot alike there.

>>What a wonderful time it is in your life! and we get to hear about some of it!

**Isn't it great? :)

~Golly


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2003
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 11:56pm
>>>Thanks for stopping by. :)

Welx, Golly :)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2003
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 11:57pm
>>>Aren't *boys* the best .

Yep! You know what I mean :)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 8:40am
sliverpink, for the sake of your future children, (and yourself) please make the ultimate and profound commitment of marriage before you bring forth a new life. I know that some people say that times have changed, but the needs of children haven't changed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 9:30am
Welcome ivdarian,

>>I know that some people say that times have changed, but the needs of children haven't changed.

**Good point in reminding us how important children are as they are our future :)

Thanks for stopping by .. Perhaps we'll see you again :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 9:38am
I'm curious about what you are actually saying here. Are you concerned that I will have multiple daddies for my babies and no constant male role model in the household? I agree that children need a mother and a father in the house, but don't necessarily think they need to "put it in writing" and get married. I'm not in the least bit religious, so that isn't an issue for me. Whether Joe and I get married or not, our plan is to build a life together. I'm committed to him and him to me whether there is a piece of jewelery on my left hand or not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2002
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 1:26pm
I'm sorry to jump into a discussion COMPLETELY unannounced, but....

Even if you're not religious, there are certain societal benefits to being married before having children, the biggest I can think of off the top of my head is for insurance. If you wanted to stay home with your children, you may not be able to be on your SO's insurance because you aren't married. Some insurance companies are still insisting on dependents being married or direct descendents. How will people identify you as a family? I know that seems archaic, but some parts of society still haven't changed.

Even if you did a civil ceremony, there are certain privileges that are extended to married couples that those of us who aren't married don't have access to. With marriage comes certain implied contracts--if I get sick or have to be in the hospital, he can authorize medical treatment. If we're not married (and my SO and I aren't), we have to draw up a power of attorney agreement so that he can, which costs money and gets lawyers involved anyway. If I want to be on the mortgage, same deal. And if something were to happen to him, God forbid, I'd be out on the street unless his family thought of me, because I am not entitled to anything that we currently share, unless we draw up yet another legal document. Marriage offers certain securities that aren't available to singles without a lot of effort.

Honestly, I'm not trying to draw you into an argument, but I was hoping you didn't just see marriage as a government conspiracy to take more taxes from you. You don't have to respond, it's just stuff to consider.

I'm just about your age, possibly in a similar position, but I'm waiting for my career-oriented, well-adjusted, good-futured partner to be ready to get married, so I can relate to some of how you're feeling. I was already going to post about becoming ME in my late 20's, but I guess I got distracted--I'm not who I was five years ago either!

I wish you well!

Judie

Edited to remove stuff that could have been construed as confrontational! I mean no harm! ;)


Edited 8/8/2003 3:44:19 PM ET by judie_rae

Judie Image hosted by Photobucket.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 3:27pm
Hi Judie and welcome to our board ..

>>I'm sorry to jump into a discussion COMPLETELY unannounced, but....

**So glad you did drop by, we love visitors here

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this ..

Everyone does what works best for them and *most* of the time all turns out well.

We as adults ususally *always* try to do what's best for the children

As that is what its all about .. the kids .. as they are our future ..

Thanks again for stopping by .. hope to see you again :)

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