Can anyone relate?
Find a Conversation
Can anyone relate?
| Wed, 08-27-2003 - 6:46pm |
Hi All,
Probably an off topic conversation, but thought I'd vent a little. Does anyone have weight or self esteem problems that were brought on from your parents? My mother, and I love her to death, has judged me my whole life in regards to my weight and overall looks. To this day, and I am 25, makes comments on how I look/dress or my current weight. Thank goodness she lives 2 states away, or I'd go crazy. I always wondered why I was so self concious or why I constantly compared myself to other women. And I have finally realized it's because I was constantly scrutinized all my life by my mother. Yes, I was slightly (15lbs) overweight when I was in high school. I couldn't dare eat a cookie in front of her without getting "the look". Then, between ages of 22 and 24, I dropped down to under 110lbs. (I'm 5'2") Then I was "too skinny". I needed to gain weight. Now at 25, I'm at roughly 117 lbs. My mother comments to me "You must not be walking much, I can see in your thighs." Or "You've filled out a little!". Now I'm too heavy? How about my hair? I can never style it right for her. I always need a haircut when I see her. Or the clothes I wear. They're too drab, I need more color.
I know she thinks she is only looking out for me and cares about me, but sometimes I just wish she'd tell me I'm beautiful no matter what and accept me the way I am. I am not built like her, nor do I have the same tastes in hair styles or clothes, but isnt' that ok???? (My mom is coming to visit this weekend, so I'm getting ready for the "inspection". Which is why I'm venting!)
It's taken a while, but I am slowly learning to accept myself the way I am and be happy with myself. I'm not too thin or too heavy. My body may not be perfect, but whose is? My SO thinks it's pretty close, and his opinion is really all that matters to me. I don't know why I always cared about what everyone else thought of me. Wow, it's taken a long time for me to think this way!
Thanks for reading!
:-)
Probably an off topic conversation, but thought I'd vent a little. Does anyone have weight or self esteem problems that were brought on from your parents? My mother, and I love her to death, has judged me my whole life in regards to my weight and overall looks. To this day, and I am 25, makes comments on how I look/dress or my current weight. Thank goodness she lives 2 states away, or I'd go crazy. I always wondered why I was so self concious or why I constantly compared myself to other women. And I have finally realized it's because I was constantly scrutinized all my life by my mother. Yes, I was slightly (15lbs) overweight when I was in high school. I couldn't dare eat a cookie in front of her without getting "the look". Then, between ages of 22 and 24, I dropped down to under 110lbs. (I'm 5'2") Then I was "too skinny". I needed to gain weight. Now at 25, I'm at roughly 117 lbs. My mother comments to me "You must not be walking much, I can see in your thighs." Or "You've filled out a little!". Now I'm too heavy? How about my hair? I can never style it right for her. I always need a haircut when I see her. Or the clothes I wear. They're too drab, I need more color.
I know she thinks she is only looking out for me and cares about me, but sometimes I just wish she'd tell me I'm beautiful no matter what and accept me the way I am. I am not built like her, nor do I have the same tastes in hair styles or clothes, but isnt' that ok???? (My mom is coming to visit this weekend, so I'm getting ready for the "inspection". Which is why I'm venting!)
It's taken a while, but I am slowly learning to accept myself the way I am and be happy with myself. I'm not too thin or too heavy. My body may not be perfect, but whose is? My SO thinks it's pretty close, and his opinion is really all that matters to me. I don't know why I always cared about what everyone else thought of me. Wow, it's taken a long time for me to think this way!
Thanks for reading!
:-)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hi there, Hillary ~ great vent!
I think the above paragraph is *THE* way to think about this issue with your Mom.
My father was constantly *on* me about my weight, the way I dressed, etc. for as
long as I can remember. And yes, it did 'mess up' my self-esteem for many years.
But you just have to learn to accept that from parents.
I have seen my older sister doing it to her 2 girls (ages 31 & 35), and also to
her 2 granddaughters, age 13. It's SICK, in my opinion. She even does it to me,
inadvertently, telling me about this diet and that diet, and suggesting clothes she
has seen. All it does is 'turn me off'.
Maybe.....just *be prepared*, as I know you are trying to with this 'vent',
and try to ignore, the best you can, any of those *berating* comments. Maybe
try to think ahead of some things to say to change the subject. She does it
because she loves you....only she doesn't realize she is hurting you.
DON'T LET HER *BUG* YOU!!! *Your* self-acceptance is ALL that matters.
* stel *
* Stel *
Have missed you! Aww hon, I don't know why parents do that to their kids and probably they're doing it with the best of intentions.
>>It's taken a while, but I am slowly learning to accept myself the way I am and be happy with myself. I'm not too thin or too heavy. My body may not be perfect, but whose is? My SO thinks it's pretty close, and his opinion is really all that matters to me. I don't know why I always cared about what everyone else thought of me. Wow, it's taken a long time for me to think this way!
**I think you've got the secret right there! Knowing that, repeating it to yourself before she gets here and a good sense of humor while she's here should help you get through. My mom would pick at the strangest little things on my bro who was a respected scientist and on me for being too thin or overweight. Luckily he and I could have a good laugh about it. ;)
I think as long as you're happy with yourself, that's what counts. And you've got your SO to back you up. Hope the vent helped and you can enjoy your mom's visit even if she puts in her 2 cents.
~Golly
Stel, I love you to death, but I have to disagree. There comes a time when we are adults that we finally have the right to say to our parents, "Mom, will you just back off! Haven't you heard the phrase, 'If you haven't got something nice to say don't say anything at all'?"
Hillary, it's obvious this has bothered you for a long time and congratulations on your new found self love, but you owe it to yourself to let her know how much the fact that you are never good enough for her bothers you. Just because she's your mother doesn't mean you have to listen to her constant criticism. Let her know you love her unconditionally, but be sure she knows that you used more energy dreading her criticism rather than looking forward to seeing her.
Hope your vent helped hon ... that's why we're here ..
>>but I am slowly learning to accept myself the way I am and be happy with myself. I'm not too thin or too heavy. My body may not be perfect, but whose is? My SO thinks it's pretty close, and his opinion is really all that matters to me. I don't know why I always cared about what everyone else thought of me. Wow, it's taken a long time for me to think this way!
**That is a major step toward learning to be happy as you are and not worry what others say. So often we do, did care what our parents said ..
At some point we need to realize we are adults and while we may *have* to hear what they say ..we do not have to agree or even like the fact that they always have something to say .. I agree with that *if you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing*
You have come a long way .. You're doing good..
Love you as you are .. be happy for you ..
Remember we can never please all the people all the time and we may not want to anyways
~Hugs~
i'm so sorry hon. my dad always used to give me a hard time. not about my weight but always about my hair and clothes.....:(
it sucks.
cherrie
Thanks Again!!
Hillary
**Absolutely right Hillary ..
Remember you're the adult too
Have a great day hon :)
~Hugs~
"Mel on Wheels"
![]()