Ugghh...A rant and need for some advice
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| Tue, 09-09-2003 - 11:51am |
I have never been "skinny" but I've definitely been a hellova lot thinner than I am now...my fear--if you can call it that--in regards to men and finding "the one" has to do with my weight...what if I find "the one" after I've lost the weight I want to lose...and then I have to wonder if he only went out with me because of my losing that weight? I tried so hard to make relationships work at my current weight, but they always fall apart, and it has nothing to do with my weight--it has to do with me. I know that.
Madonna said it best once, in a song called "Secret" when she said: "Until I learn to love myself, I will never learn to love anybody else" and "Happiness lies in your own hands."
Anybody else have the same feelings (if you're young or older than me, just in general). I have found men who have truly loved me for me, and I just don't understand why I couldn't just be happy with that...
I guess this all comes down to what's happened to me recently: A guy I've been almost-in-love-with for 3 years had wanted to be in a relastionship with me during times I was unable to be in one with him, but I always wanted to. So...now I'm single, we're in contact again, and he gave me all these mixed signals...making out with me then telling me he didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone...then he told me that he didn't want to be in a relationship with me because he didn't want to ruin our friendship...go figure...but he likes me for me the way I am now...but I keep thinking in the back of my head that if I lose the weight that I want to/have to lose, that he'll "come to his senses" and want to be with me...that's so sad...and wrong...but it's the way it is...go figure...
Any thoughts or advice would be much appreciated. :) Thanks
~Ri

Ri, I know this is NOT funny to you. But....as I recall, you have a rather serious
health issue concerning your weight ~ isn't that right?
If I AM right, then that issue needs to be addressed FIRST and FOREMOST. The other,
with guys & your self-worth feelings, will all fall into place...I feel certain of
that. But my 2 cents worth is that you can't 'take on the world' right now....
you have to do what the doctor has advised you....and let the rest come later.
If this guy who you've been with for 3 years loves you 'just the way you are', then
chances are he'll still love you AFTER the weight loss. If not, he wasn't worth it
anyway.
As I've said before, if I come across 'stern' here, forgive me. And if I'm way off
base, forgive me for that, also.
* stel *
* Stel *
I just had to get that out there...wanted to know if other females have been in the same spot, having to do with failed relationships due to a lack of self-esteem or something, because of weight problems.
But you are right, and I have decided for a couple of weeks already that I will be concentrating on "me" for now, and not worrying about other things at this time. I have my weight, health and school to think about and concentrate on. Men can wait until I'm better. ;-) Then I'll be beating them off with a baseball bat when I'm all skinny and healthy. LMAO ;-)
Thank you again!
~Ri
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There ya go...now THAT's a *HEALTHY* outlook!!
And hey, a vent like yours is always welcome..and 'GOOD FOR YOU', too:)
* stel *
* Stel *
And they're right--from someone who used to only see "the little fat girl" in the mirror (self-image, not at all the reality), when you really love yourself just the way you are, everything else does come together. Happiness comes from within first, then you can share it with other people, and that unreserved joy is contagious!
Good luck in your journey!!
Judie
Hi Ri,
Good to see you here hon and glad you shared your concerns. :) I see your post brought out 3 heartfelt responses (yours being one-smile) and I definitely concur with all 3. Beauty, wealth, weight, health-all can change. It's your core being that counts and gets you through. Once you know, love and appreciate that lovely person inside that is you, I think the rest will fall into place, especially with finding the right guy. :) Jmho, but the right guy will love you with or without the weight though he may worry about too much excess weight being unhealthy for you. So right now, onward to getting healthier! :)
~Golly
**Very well said Judie and absolutely right.
I would say to you Ri that you have a long, difficult journey ahead of you to lose the weight and having a "friend" along the way if he wants to be there I think would be just wonderful. Honestly true love is about loving a person no matter what they look like so relax and enjoy his company and just let things follow their natural course without worrying too much about the future or taking things too seriously. Good Luck. Hilary
Glad you came here to share what you are feeling :)
My thoughts on this are like others .. You need to do what you need to do for you ..
Men that love you will love you as you are which of course you already know
Some relationships take more *work* than others .. Some are worth it more than others ..
It all depends on the who .. again you already know this
Guess I didn't tell you anything you already didn't know ..
Sorry if I was not much help ..
Just know you are the best person ..and always deserve the best ..
Take care of you and the rest will fall into place :)
~Hugs~