I did not fall off the planet

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
I did not fall off the planet
5
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 1:23pm
I have been busy. Working on dh truck it needed a new motor. big job him with his healing hernia. As usual asked friends for help but none available so it was just me and him working on it. Then the van broke down with all of us in it (all four kids) had to get towed home. We fixed it first thing sun morn. it needed a fuel pump that was fun cuz you must remove the gas tank to get to it. And it costs $100.00 Then his ex flips out when we take his kids home. I swear that woman cant be happy at all. And when she is unhappy she spreads it around really good. Saying he can see the kids anymore cuz she does not like me. Tyring to instigate a fight screaming and thorwing a fit. Some times I feel like this relationship is doomed due to this crap. No matter what I feel like it is my fault. If I leave him he can see his kids but cant be with me = my fault If I stay he cant see them = my fault. I am so confused and he is raging mad and wont talk about it. I think I have alot of thinking to do. I do love him and dont want to leave but want to do the right thing for him. Any thoughts?? I am dumbfounded right now.~Mary~
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 1:46pm
Hi Mary,

Good to see you, you've been missed!

Sounds like a terrible weekend with the car/truck having to be fixed. Hope dh is starting to feel better.

First, it wasn't anyone's fault because the car broke down if his ex yells and screams so don't take it personally. I'm assuming she was mad because you all were late with the kids because of the breakdown. Some people throw in every grievance when they're arguing (which of course doesn't help) and she may have done that.

Only YOU have control over your thoughts hon. You own them and can keep/change them so don't feel guilty.

So while you're thinking, do think about what is the right thing for YOU, k? kmho

HTH :)

~Golly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 2:10pm
Welcome back, Mary. So glad you took a few secs to stop by.

But geez.....sorry the ex is causing such chaos in your life right now.

Hopefully, this latest will all blow over.

Listen to Golly...good advice.

Always know that you are welcome here to vent & such.

Are you still keeping your quit? (the cigs?)

If so, that in itself is something for YOU to feel GOOD about!

* stel *

* Stel *

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2002
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 2:42pm
>> If I leave him he can see his kids but cant be with me = my fault If I stay he cant

**Mary, you know that isn't true and I am sure there are courts that decide that kind of thing. Those are "her" words. It is in no way your "fault", the history was/is there, you were not a part of it, you are just living the consequences of it.

>> I do love him and dont want to leave

**In most cases I would say this has to be the bottom line and absolutely no-one can make this kind of decision for you Mary. It may be time to think of yourself first and how long you want to keep living like this. You have been miserable and stressed for months. Almost as long as I have been here. When you can look into your own heart and truely believe that you do still love this man, then it will time to turn towards him and rationally express your feelings, to draw strength from each other and let your love make the two of you stronger so that you can deal with "now" and move on. Good Luck Mary, my thoughts are with you. Hilary

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 3:33pm
Mary - - my "2cents" - - Do NOT let this woman ruin your marriage. What she is doing by saying he can not see his kids because SHE doesn't like YOU is So immature and childish. Your husband has a right to see his kids whether she likes you or not. Having these temper tantrums in front of your kids is Not healthy for anybody. My best advice when she starts that trying to instigate a fight is to quietly tell her that you will discuss this when she can be adult about the matter and Leave. She is just trying to hurt you two and in the process is creating a big mess for the children who SHOUld be the number one concern....Doesn't she realize what she is doing to them? ugh. I've had to deal with 3, yes THREE ex's, so, I completely understand. You hang in there Mary - - you love him - - find some way to work this all out. That's my 2cents. Stay strong kiddo.

xoxo,

tracy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 4:24pm
Gosh,a woman who can work on cars?You are every mans dream-girl!!Give it some time,dont do anything rash-PLUS - your Dh has his RIGHTS to see his kids.She cant do anything about THAT.She sounds jealous and petty.Dont let that kind of behavior bring YOU down.Stay cool,Mary--OK?? xoxomel

"Mel on Wheels"