I SMoked.....
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| Sat, 10-04-2003 - 10:48am |
I smoked. I took 3 puffs.
I had been just going crazy. It has been a constant obsession this thinking about smoking. Nothing would get it out of my mind. . . even when I was working out all I wanted was a cig.
So, this morning, I just decided to try a cigarette in the hopes that it would make me remember WHY I quit. That is so stupid and Really Risky, , but it worked. I do NOT recommend anyone ever try this. It could easily backfire. . . but, it worked for me.
We have had a dead pack of old Merits in the kitchen drawer since last Nov 8. There are maybe 5 or 6 in there, I don't even know. Anyhow, I've NEVER touched them other than once I took one out and just held it. Well, I took them out to the sun-room and lit one. I almost died choking....it was so horrible and it made me feel like I was going to be sick to my stomach. I took 3 puffs total and crushed it out. This was NOT any fun at ALL. A big cloud of smoke was hanging ominously in the sunshine...it stunk....it was just downright disgusting.
I am so happy. This is what "I" needed to do. I had been romancing that smoke for 11 months. I think this worked for me because it was like I never smoked and had the same feeling that one has when they first start smoking - - feeling woozy and really not liking it....and I realized I had to Try to smoke before...this is NOT something that just comes naturally. Smoking, or getting to LIKE smoking, is a job.
SO, Not to worry. . . I am NOT a smoker any more. Again, I think this ONLY worked because it has been almost 11 months Since I smoked. Had I tried this say a month into a quit - - no way. . . and I do NOT advocate doing this as it was very risky. . . but I think it has really worked for me. I can FINALLY throw away that old pack.
ODAT~~tracy
Edited 10/4/2003 10:52:33 AM ET by stracy1

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Wow Tracy ..
At first I thought you were jnot serious .. As I read on, I saw you were ..
I think that is good you found out that smoking is something you *choose* not to do ..
Like you say, this worked for *you* ..
Good for you on finding out now ..
As I know you are one very strong lady with lots of class
Thanks for letting us know hon .. glad you are back on track ..
Sometimes we do need to *test* those waters and find out it isn't what we wanted anyway!
How exciting that you are headed towards your one year smokefree anniversary .. very soon :)
Oh Gosh Tracy,
I had to think a little on this and while I was thinking, windows decided to update me.
Like Hugs, I sort of thought you were joking and opened your post
Guys I just want to thank you for understanding.
It had just gotten to the point where I needed to know that I Really did Not want to smoke anymore.
>>Have to let her know I'm no angel
Stel's gonna die that she missed my fall off the wagon!(lol)
"Mel on Wheels"
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Well, I didn't miss it by much, my Dear:)
Tracy, we have talked together soooooo much about this.....I personally think you did
exactly the right thing. NOW YOU KNOW ~~ and the *romancing* is over for you. Like
you said, it wasn't the panacea you thought it would be.
Now you know you don't NEED cigs, nor do you WANT cigs...and it only took 3 puffs
to make your realize this. That is TOTALLY AWESOME!!!!
Its exactly why I can slip, but not fall. A couple of puffs, and YUCK! I, too,
remember that I don't want to go back...despite the 'hell' I put myself thru with
the patches & nic gum.
You are and always will be an angel to me:) You have boosted my self-confidence so
many times by reminding me that I am STRONG, when I feel like a WIMP. And I will
never be able to thank you enough:)
Now that you have 'tested' the waters, and rode out that ~crave wave~, its nothin'
but SMOOTH sailing for you now until November 8. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
xoxo stel
* Stel *
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