I am depressed today....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
I am depressed today....
9
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 3:15pm
I didnt work yesterday (so i have had a week off!!) We hada cook-out at my sisters in Clearwater because my Mom is MOVING to Indiana this Friday.I know its a good thing for her--my poor sister has been so overwhelmed w/ doing so much for her here..i have a younger sis in INDY & there is an assisted living there that she is going to try-out.If she likes it she is staying!!!I feel so guilty..I wish that I could AFFORD to quit my job,buy a bigger home and be there totally for my mom..but it is not going to work.I have kids that still need me,and Mom can be a full-time job sometimes.But I still feel like I am failing her..but I cant fail my family..I dont know who should come first.I am really depressed today,We did have nice day yesterday..and I am going to drive to Clearwater on Thursday to take her to lunch b-4 she moves on Friday.Mom really wants to leave florida--she HATES the heat..the only reason she moved here in the first place is because of the grand-kids living here--but now the kids are getting older..and so is she.So Here I sit feeling sad and GUILTY for something that is out of my control.I just wish things were different.... Mel

"Mel on Wheels"    

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2002
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 3:37pm
So Here I sit feeling sad and GUILTY for something that is out of my control.I just wish things were different....

**Hey Bud, This Aussie knows exactly how you feel when it comes to parents :). You should be feeling sad, it is a sad situation. It IS really hard sometimes watching parents grow older and you are right there is nothing you can do about it. Also remember that they have had their time and unless they have to should never expect to move in with their children. No matter how much you love your Mum, your husband and sons come first. Just imagine if she did live with you!!! I seem to remember her visiting for just a few days a while ago!

Just hang on to the fact that your Mum is doing what she wants to do and be proud of her for making the decision to move into assisted living and where the climate suits her better. I don't know the geography but hopefully you will be able to see her regularly. I am heading rapidly there with my parents although they are still in pretty good shape considering. Hilary

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 3:39pm

Aw Mel - - You KNOW you've done the best and all you can.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 4:16pm

{{Mel}}
Aww hon, it's aways so hard when our parents keep aging to the point of needing help and we feel helpless.

Don't feel guilty hon, your mom wouldn't want that...she's going to a climate and place she really wants.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 5:31pm
Awww {{{Mel}}}
Don't feel guilty hon .. YOu have done what you could when you could.
You do have your own life with your children now.
Your Mom understands.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 5:44pm
Thanks Hil..I wish it was closer.She will be pretty far away,but the good thing is that she will be in the same state that my DH's family lives in..only 1 1/2 hours away from HIS mother--WEIRD--HUH! mel

"Mel on Wheels"    

Avatar for capwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 5:45pm
You've already gotten lots of good support so I'll just add mine. Aging is sad...I've just spent time with a group in their 80s & 90s. {One was a spry young thing of 76!} They talk about their challenges and laugh at themselves and they DO NOT want to be a burden to anyone. And Golly was right, your mom will most likely feel guilty to be leaving you. She is making her choices and should be supported and encouraged. Hugs dear, Cappy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 5:54pm
TY.Hugs,Golly& Tracy..I just have been so USED to having her around that I took it for granted that I could see her ay MY own leisure..I wish now that I had done more for her-thats all.I really love her alot--even when she smokes and complains..and I only want her to be happy.I just wish I could give her that.If I won the lottery --I have ALWAYS said this--I would FIRST buy my mom a little cottage right next to my house w/ a full time nurse for her and I would just relax and watch her enjoy life. xoxoMEL

"Mel on Wheels"    

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 8:15pm
Mo, you have gotten a lot of good advice here. But your *other* Big Sis here will

put her 2 cents in also.

Your Mom is doing EXACTLY what she wants to do. At least she is going to be near

Nancy & Andy & their daughter, rather than in Mississipppi, as was a possible plan.

Be thankful she still has the mental capacity to make her own decisions....at 75,

that is wonderful.

Through tons and tons of em's & im's w/your *real* big sis, where she cried and sighed

and vented to me about the trials & tribulations w/your Mom, Tina, I ABSOLUTELY believe SHE needs this break. She has a daughter who NEEDS HER this final year of high school.

And you need a break from the guilt of not making that drive to Clearwater more often.

So..........BE HAPPY, not depressed & guilty. You HAVE given your mother so much joy

over the years as she watched Andrew & Logan grow from babies to young boys.

Let's just keep our fingers crossed she can find some bridge partners she likes ,

food she likes , and good medical attention at this assisted-living facility.

Always know you have been a GOOD daughter....well, once you got out of that bratty,

sassy, rebellious stage...ha ha!

xoxo stel

* Stel *

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 10-07-2003 - 9:09am
Thanks Groover--"out of the bratty,sassy rebellious stage"..LOLOLOL!! I think a part of me will always be there..xoxo Mo

"Mel on Wheels"