Wondering what's wong with me - again

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2004
Wondering what's wong with me - again
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 9:23pm

I have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Just over 7.5 years ago after two failed IVFs I wondered if we would ever have children. Then out of the blue we got the chance to adopt Elizabeth. Then we thought she might end up being an only child. then we found out DH's insurance was covering IVF so we tried again ad got Sarah. After she was born we still had 3 embryos, but they didn't survive the thaw so we tried again. IVF#4 was canceled because I responded poorly, but we did an IUI and ended up with Ben. We thought we were done, even though I was hoping for (but in no way expecting) a freebie. Then we got a freebie.

When Rachel was born I actually had my tubes tied (talk about irony). I'm sure we made the right decision. 4 kids is a lot, especially when one has special needs, and my plate is FULL. There are a million reasons why we should stop at 4 and I'm thrilled (and a little overwhelmed) with our current family. Still, I find myself feeling sad that we're really done. Is this normal? I'm hoping that it will eventually pass. It did when Ben was about a year and a half (just before I got PG), so I have hope that it will again. I just wish I could enjoy my last baby without the sadness. Don't get me wrong... I'm really enjoying her. She's our easiest baby yet and the transition has been pretty easy. I'm just sad that I'll have to wait for grandchildren before I'll have another newborn around regularly and there's no guarantee of that (although Sarah says she's going to have 100 kids).

If I could afford a bigger house and a nanny to help me I might not have done the tubal. ;)


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Avatar for witzz
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 11:21am

Hi Amy,

I'm pretty sure this is normal. Anyone who loves their children's babyhood/childhood feels sad when they grow beyond it, no matter how many kids that person has or how many times they got to be with their kids during those precious times.

I just have the one kid and I'm nostalgic instantly the minute she reaches a new milestone. Every step in her development is bittersweet. Wonderful, because I love the girl she's becoming. Sad, because I miss the baby she used to be.

I suspect even Michelle Duggar will be sad when she births her last!

Best wishes,

Mom to Lucy, 4.5