She doesn't like to talk...

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Registered: 09-22-2009
She doesn't like to talk...
21
Fri, 08-13-2010 - 5:18pm

Hi Everyone-


Just hoping to get some feedback from other moms on this. Madeline is 19-mos old now. I noticed at 18 mos she didn't really want to speak that often. I read the guidelines for speech and she fell within them (although at the bottom end) and talked with my ped about it--he wasn't concerned at all because her receptive language is amazing and she is ahead on everything else, and she can say words.


But, of course, I worried a bit. I have been really paying attention to her language as a result during the past month

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Registered: 07-23-2006
Fri, 08-13-2010 - 10:59pm

I think Caren's post had some great information, but I'll just give you a bit of info about my daughter. She is now almost 2 and 1/2. I remember telling our ped last Sept at her 18 mo appt that she would routinely say about 25 words (up, down, more, dog, etc). Then the vocabulary explosion happened! In just another 2 months or so it was probably up to 100 words, so a dramatic increase. I'm not sure what to say about her not wanting to talk, I know that signing is preferred by many kids at this age.

Beth
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Registered: 09-22-2009
Sat, 08-14-2010 - 7:52am

Hi Caren-


Thanks so much for your thoughtful reply. It is tough to have a child with these questions--I also am a child and adolescent therapist, so I find myself being hypersensitive to these questions. I don't specialize in children as young as Madeline, but even so, I still sometimes question what she is/isn't doing and its tough to know whether its just me or her.


The social skills is a weird thing. She is shy--she always has been. She likes to hold back and watch everyone. But, she does WANT to be around people and she does make eye contact.

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Registered: 09-22-2009
Sat, 08-14-2010 - 7:54am

Hi Beth-


Thanks for the reply. That makes me feel better. That is actually what the pediatrician said would happen. He says the language explosion happens between 18-21 months, generally, and since she had speech and was continuing to develop it, he wasn't concerned.
I am really hoping that one morning we wake up and she is talking to me more. I don't really feel deep down that anything is wrong, everything else is great, I just don't want to miss it if she is having difficulty has a delay with her speech for some reason.


Thanks again!

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Registered: 04-06-2007
Sat, 08-14-2010 - 11:24am

Hi, Stefanie. I am no expert at all. Caren knows much more about delays than I do. But I do have a slightly different perspective. Caren is big on listening to the mom "hmmm" and I have to agree. You mentioned that you worried a bit, but I also gather from the remainder of your posts that in your heart you feel she's ok. I am not sure if that is accurate and I don't mean to put words in your mouth. And I agree with Caren that a mom shouldn't be blown off by her doctor. However, where we differ is that I also feel like there is such a push now to have early, early, early intervention because it makes a bigger difference (a good thing) in outcome that a lot of times a kid isn't allowed to be themselves if they aren't at the top of the bell curve. My 16-month-old is very shy. And fairly non-verbal. She has a handful of words and a handful of signs, but other kids her age talk more. Her receptive language is just fine. My son was talking much more at this age, and Abby, like Madeline, would rather sign than talk. I attribute this to a difference in learning styles. My son is mostly an auditory learner and since beginning to talk at 15 months, he has always excelled at verbal communication. Abby, on the other hand, (I believe) is a kinesthetic learner. I think that "doing" the word rather than saying the word is more natural for her. Honestly, I'm not worried. I know in my heart that she is ok and just developing on her own schedule. To me, 20 words, 3 2-word phrases and being shy in public all sounds completely normal for a 19-month-old. I am not at all trying to say that you shouldn't follow your gut if your gut says it's not ok. But if you are asking how this sounds to others, to me it sounds fine. I guess my point is that for whatever my opinion is worth (not much), my opinion is that it is ok for a kid to be who they are even if who they are isn't *exactly* the "norm."

(Caren, I hope I'm not coming off as arguing with you. I'm not trying to and I would never insinuate that you did the wrong thing with J... though I know that you also don't need MY approval. :) I just have a different experience that I wanted to throw out there- that along the way there were little things with both kids that caught my attention, that I could have pursued and that I DID keep (am keeping) an eye on, but in the end I have always felt deep down that they are ok. Our points are really the same, I think. Listen to your gut.)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2009
Sat, 08-14-2010 - 12:30pm

Hi Anne-


Thanks for chiming in. You are right about how I am feeling. In my heart, I don't feel like there is anything wrong with Madeline, but sometimes the language thing does give me pause and wonder if she is struggling with something. As I mentioned to Caren, my job makes me hypersensitive to these issues, so often I doubt what I am feeling. Generally, I am OK with her language until I am presented with a child (or children) around her age that talk much more than she does. Then I worry.


Our daughters sound very similar. Madeline is very much like her father in that she loves to learn by "doing". She is always busy trying something, but when presented with a new task, loves to sit back, watch and take it in before trying. I think I see her trying to do this with talking, but as we are not around a lot of children who talk, it is difficult for me to gauge what is typical for her age and what is not (everyone in the groups I take her to are younger).


We did have her at the pediatrician this morning to have her checked out due to a low fever and being up the past few nights. We saw a different ped than normal and I brought it up at the end of the appointment. He was very kind and watched her for a while and then chuckled (nicely). He told me that Madeline appears to be developing like a boy does--he said her motor skills are way ahead of what she should be and developmentally, kids usually focus on on area of development first (boys usually motor, and girls, language). He thinks she is just focusing on this and said that the # of words and not talking in front of

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Registered: 07-02-2005
Sat, 08-14-2010 - 3:52pm

Stefanie - just want to share with you what I experienced with Jake.

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Registered: 06-18-2004
Sat, 08-14-2010 - 6:59pm

Stefanie -


Nothing that you've said here makes me think there is an issue. I think your DD is just developing a little slower with language, but it's coming along. I really think that the language explosion happens after 2 years


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2009
Sat, 08-14-2010 - 7:45pm

Cathy-


Thanks so much for sharing your experience with Jake. That is really helpful to hear and it gives me some hope that she will be moving forward. I really think it has a lot to do with the anticipation thing--since I have been pushing her more she has been talking more. I do often feel badly doing it, but we are seeing more speech. I tried to gradually fade the signs out by emphasizing the word with the sign. Now I am not even doing the sign. I am hopeful over the next month she will really start to blossom. Even today, she said "hot" for the first time. I am hoping that this is a sign of what is to come. Like any parent, it hurts me to think my baby may be struggling.


Thanks again for sharing--it really helped to hear. As I mentioned, I am not around a lot of moms with children near Madeline's age, so I don't have many to ask.

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Registered: 09-22-2009
Sat, 08-14-2010 - 7:51pm

Hi Melanie-


Thanks so much for your reply. It is helpful to hear your experiences and get your feedback.


I have been actively working on getting Madeline out more with kids her age, at least 3 mornings a week. I haven't been able to find any "mommy's day out" in the local area here, but I did find a local gym that has both children's programs for both of us, and supervised child care if I want to work out.

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Registered: 04-06-2007
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 9:57pm
Hey Stephanie! Long time no "see" - I know I haven't posted here in a million years - pretty much when you took over as CL for me (you are doing a fantastic job btw). But I do lurk from time to time to see how everyone is doing! Maddie is getting so big and gorgeous!! I also wanted to add from one social worker to another that sometimes a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. When I was going through my PPD with Sara I was racked with guilt about her not attaching to me and causing her to become a sociopath! I know - extreme right? But the same thing can apply here - we are always going to be hyper vigilant and that is a wonderful thing for the most part but it can also lead us to see things that will cause us worry when they may not need to. I agree that a gut feeling is NEVER something to be ignored but doing what you did and getting other opinions first is a good way to go. Always good to do a reality check. Maddie sounds like a smart wonderful little girl who hasn't had to work too hard on the speech and now that she is - she is producing. sara was always a talker but wouldn't climb or do as many physical things and I realized it was because I hoover and freak out if she goes "too high" now that she has more alone time with the ex he doesn't do this and she is doing MUCH better - so I am trying really hard to back off too. I am sure she is developing at her own pace and the fact that you are aware of it makes it even more sure that she will be right where she needs to be. KUP!!
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