She loves me

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
She loves me
11
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 11:02am
I've been dating K for a couple of months, now. I've been aware that she has some strong feelings about the relationship, but up until recently we really have avoided discussing the issue.

But, a week ago she told me that she loves me. She told me that the more time she spends with me, the more she misses me when I'm gone. The things that have irritated my previous girlfriends (like my humor and vagueness) are what she actually loves about me. She does and says everything right. She now goes out of her way to tell me and reassure me of what she is thinking/feeling... and has told me several times that she loves me--it wasn't just a one-time thing.

The problem: like a dumb *ss, I have said nothing in return. I am not a person that freely says "I love you". I have enormous difficulties expressing those feelings that make me feel vulnerable. Even though she knows this... I can't help but think she is disappointed everytime she tells me that she loves me and I don't say it back.

My exact feelings for her are growing stronger each day. I am very comfortable with her. I love spending time with her. (She and my daughter absolutely LOVE each other!) And, our sex life is phenomenal. {blushes} I miss her when we aren't together and drive myself crazy in anticipation when we are about to meet up. Still, I don't think that I am at the point where I can say that I love her .. or am in love with her.

I don't know. I guess I am seeking some advice... even some reassurance from you all. What do you all think?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
In reply to: jennyd6
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 11:30am

I say ...Go with your heart !


Hugs,


"Kitty Cat Rules"
Avatar for themadhugger
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
In reply to: jennyd6
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 11:46am

If you cant say it yet,, can you start with other ways?

*hugs ~ Caly

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
In reply to: jennyd6
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 1:28pm

Jenny, I was not the first to say the L word in my relationship.

Kim
Check out my

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2003
In reply to: jennyd6
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 3:44pm
Jenny one thing I have leared in the past few years is that some women do not understand what love is to even say it. My partner never says it to me though I frequently tell her. She simply says I know you do. It hurts when the one you love does not respond back with those precious words. Saying I love you is like maintaining the bridge that the two of you have built. It takes lots of maintenance but I love you is as strong as any mortor. When we are apart from our partner we especially need those simple words and other gestures. Life brings us so many doubts, challenges and trials and it can take more than knowing we are loved to get us through, the gestures and the words help tremendously. When you are ready to say those words to her you will be doing more than giving a statement of fact, you will be giving her daily reassurance that you care and that you are with her. Maybe you are one of those women who really has not understood what love is and is having a hard time identifying what it is you feel. When you do identify it, don't hold back :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
In reply to: jennyd6
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 5:01pm

Where's the standing ovation icon?

Kim
Check out my

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jennyd6
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 10:04pm
So far without looking at any more posts, I think tropause is right on the money. If u luv her show or tell her this. It may open another plateau. good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
In reply to: jennyd6
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 1:18am

Ah Jenny, what a tough spot you're in. You can't say the *L* word until you are ready, but at the same time, it can be so hard to be in K's place, loving someone so much who you know cares for you, but just can't say those words. I think the best thing, as a few of the others mentioned, is to sit and talk with her and just explain that you care for her very deeply and that you can see yourself falling in love with her, but you're just not there yet. She will understand because she loves you, and love is worth waiting for. When she says she loves you, try saying something along the lines of you know she does and that means so much to you and makes you feel very lucky (or blessed, or happy, or something...) That way she will truly feel that her love is appreciated and reciprocated and makes it a lot easier to wait for those words. And when the day comes that you do really and truly and completely love her, and you can say the words to her, say them often and with feeling, that definitely makes it worth the wait :)


Hugs!


~C

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: jennyd6
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 8:03pm
I say take all the time you need. I don't believe in telling you love her just b/c you think that's what she wants to hear. She wants you to say it because you mean it...

I'm right there with you on the "L" word. I haven't said it to anyone outside my immediate family in the past 2 years or so.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jennyd6
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 9:52pm
Being in luv and saying the words are always tough. As long as she is aware of how u feel about being in luv and saying the words. To me, this is an easy one. I have not read the other posts yet but continue what you are doing. She must be understanding u. She must see your reactions, your words. I'm sure she is reading between the lines. Relax Sweetie, everything will work out for the best unless one of u are hiding something. LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
In reply to: jennyd6
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 10:19pm
Hi Jenny.....I can understand how you are feeling and she also..
I know all the feelings you described and to be sure for me they don't always mean it's love, the great sex..The anticipation... the missing of that person.....
I also do not... did not... give the words "I love you" casualy or quickly.....I think (Love).. (being in love )and (just loving someone) grows over time of learning all about a person....
Some people also I understand have

 C  >^. A .

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