Am I -- Am I not? Such Pondering

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Am I -- Am I not? Such Pondering
21
Sat, 07-03-2004 - 10:38pm
This makes the second Saturday night that I've watched a rented DVD from Blockbuster. Another block of episodes--Queer As Folk. I reluctantly rented the first three episodes last weekened. Watched...Was shocked...Intriqued a bit...Hooked somewhat...Rented the next 4 episodes this afternoon.

What I find most disturbing is that while I'm watching this drama, I begin questioning..."Am I really gay?" Why does that happen? Tonight, it happened again. I began questioning. Then, a segment shows the lesbian couple. (I'm going to attempt to stay within TOS) While watching the two women kiss, I began feeling a pulse in the lower region. (Is that okay TOS watcher...whoever you are? I hope so..Bug means no harm)

You know, I'm hoping this isn't a health problem. Because that was a HUGE pulse I was feeling. Normally, you have to like touch someone's wrist, you know, and press to feel a pulse. Besides, I'm really trying to get my degree, you know. And, until I can get this degree, I cannot afford a doctor. REPEAT-- cannot afford a doctor. It's funny. I live in the nation, which is now the only super power, yet I cannot afford a doctor. Okay, stop it--I'm getting political.

H'mm.

You know what else happened today? Okay, I'm in PetSmart (retail pet store) getting my parakeet some food, and this teenager walks over to me. She says, "Can you help me?" I'm totally suspicious. I don't trust strangers. So, I grab my pocketbook and place it in safe place on my body. She says to me, "My stub has come out of my earring, and I don't trust anyone else here. I feel like I can trust you. Can you put it back on for me?" I look up at her ear (she's pretty tall) and see rainbow colored earrings spanning down her ear. She hands me this piece of jewerly and asks me to put it back on. It was a round stub piece that fit between a hoop. She bent down (I'm short)and I got it back in for her.

There's gaydar at PetSmart. Who would have ever thought it!

Okay, this 33 year old has to soak her sore knee. The 5 mile run was not too kind today.

Cheers!

Bug

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Sat, 07-03-2004 - 10:48pm
Ain't it fun? Such questions only we ourselves can only answer... best advice is don't sweat it and follow your heart.

*hugs*

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Sat, 07-03-2004 - 11:04pm
Dear obi wan kenobi jedi, Gigi here,

Well, Bug I don't know what to say. Even though rayellen gave you a good suggestion, I would say that if you had a HUGE pulse "down there" while you were watching Queer as Folk, and you were getting a reaction by watching two women kissing, then I would humbly say that you're a lesbian. I just took a look at the pictures that you posted to Cat, and I would simply get all hot 'n' bothered if I was around you. Not to mention, If you were around me, I would have to push you away, not because I didn't like you, but your accent alone would set me ablaze.

I simply love southern accents. Call it a fetish. But that's what sets my heart to pitter patter. It's a shame that you're not able to come to the meet and greet in Chicago in October.

~sigh~ Oh, well. "talk" to ya soon.

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

Avatar for mschiffven
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
Sun, 07-04-2004 - 5:01am
ahh but Gigi....

did you stop to think that MEN get turned on by watching women kiss! ;-)


visit my web site

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Sun, 07-04-2004 - 8:28am
I hadn't touch the "questioning" mode in a while. I think it is from the isolation I experience. What pops into my mind is the lottery. For example, I think it is safe to type that no one here has won the lottery. You can daydream about winning the lottery all you want, but you never really know how you'll react and deal with such news until it happens. Something that really bothered me recently was a therapist on a TV show I was watching telling someone that just because you had sexual thoughts about a member of the same sex didn't mean that you were gay. I thought to myself...What if she's right?

Oh well.

Take care,

Bug

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Sun, 07-04-2004 - 8:32am
LOL You are talking about my exhusband! He purchased some lesbian porn videos to improve our sex life. I ended up not interested in him, and all I wanted to do was watch those videos. He was soooo MAD!

I don't watch porn anymore. I will say that the two lesbians on Queer As Folk actually are great actresses. They both REALLY seem like they are gay. And, when they have a SHORT love scene, it seems REAL.

:) Bug

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Sun, 07-04-2004 - 8:38am
It would be nice to be at the Meet & Greet in October. Though, me being the small town southerner would probably get lost in Chicago. The largest city I've ever been in is Charlotte. Though I was in Ft. Lauderdale earlier this year, I was actually at a resort the entire time, so we can't count that! :)

Take care,

Bug

Avatar for themadhugger
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Sun, 07-04-2004 - 9:09am

Hi Bug,


I think I understand what you are saying.. Actually I had many of the same feelings when I was your age ( Oh god does that make me sound OLD or what? LOL)


But in truth its what made me get married even though I realized very soon after what a mistake it was.. I have always known I was incredibly attracted to women but was so unsure myself early on if that meant I was gay... I wanted it to mean that because I was sooo comfortable with the thought,, but I didnt know for sure.

*hugs ~ Caly

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Sun, 07-04-2004 - 8:22pm
Hey Caly:

You know, I'm scared as well about intimacy (the first time). I hope that my first time is with very caring woman. I certainly couldn't take the pressure of being with a woman who expected me to "know it all." Sometimes the intense fear almost makes me want to shun the thought of ever being with a woman to begin with. Women want so much. I sometimes feel that to please one I have to be some barbarian warrior with a Mercedes Benz and a bank account with a neverending flow of money. LOL After having that thought, being alone doesn't seem so bad. Heck, give me a couple of friends. I'll be fine! LOL

Bug

Avatar for themadhugger
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Sun, 07-04-2004 - 9:56pm

>Women want so much<


*hugs ~ Caly

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Sun, 07-04-2004 - 10:36pm
Dear Ven, Gigi here,


Yes, I know that MEN get turned on by watching two women kiss, but who cares what they think?

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

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