My sis just realized she is gay......

Avatar for soulnurturer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
My sis just realized she is gay......
12
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 10:59pm
Hi all,

My older sis has just recently come to accept the fact that she is gay. Actually, she called me about an hour ago to tell me. I have no problem with this at all.I just want her to be happy and I feel awful that she is really just starting her life at age 34.I want to understand what she is going thru so that she has a family member to talk to that can really understand so she doesn't have to always turn to gay friends.

Here's some background....She's 34 and has been married to her husband for 12 years. She told her husband that she wants a divorce and he is dealing with it pretty well from the way she was talking. She has already found an apartment so she's moving out on her own which will also be a first. She lives in another state and I am leaving this weekend to see her and stay for a week. If anyone has had a similar experience I would really appreciate any insight you could give.

Thanks,

April

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 11:14pm

Hi April and Welcome..... Your Sis is very fortunate to have you..
Kudo's to you for standing by her.. She will need you as well as friends if any.. in the alternative lifestyle.. as well as any not in this lifestyle... but with open minds /hearts.. Also help with the transition of divorce..
Perhaps you can lead her to this board and she can join in and get to know us and perhaps get some info and advice if she wants from us.. A great bunch here.. Very Loving Supportive and Fun..
Your welcome also to join in.!.
***Smiles***"CAT"


 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 12:16am
Hi April. One word - FFLAG. You should have a local chapter in your area. This is a group of ppl who have friends and/or family members that are gay. My own sister could probably give you better insight to your post, but I just wanted to let you know about this wonderful organization where you can show your support, and your sis will love you for it!

<IMG SRC="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v243/neryp/lesbboard.jpg" WIDTH=165 HEIGHT=143 BORDER=0 ALT="" USEMAP="#lesbboard_Map">
<MAP NAME="lesbboard_

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 1:27am

Hi April and Welcome to Lesbian Life.





Your sis is going through some big changes in her life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 4:15am
April, I am in your sisters exact situation. I am 35, still living with my husband but moving out very soon to be on my own for the first time. He is handling the idea of divorce very well just as your brother-in-law is. I am very much in love with a woman,she is my first lesbian relationship. My advice is this, listen. She probably needs someone who will share in her new-found joy, I don't have anyone to talk to about how excited and in love I am with my girlfriend. Everyone loves to talk about their new relationships, your sister is probably no different. Come to think of it you didn't mention that she met someone yet, but just the freedom that comes from self acceptance brings so much happiness I am sure she will have much to say. I live out of state away from all my family too, and I would love for my little sister to come and see me for a week. I would talk her ear off. You are a wonderful person, to accept and love her unconditionally, and seek out this board for advice. She is very very lucky, and you are awesome! Sandra

Sandr

Avatar for themadhugger
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 7:26am

Welcome!


Gosh I wish I had a sister like you!

*hugs ~ Caly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 12:26pm
April, I just want to applaud you for remaining a sister. It’s great you’re looking for information on how to approach this new discovery by your sister. Are you ready to hear whatever your sister might want to share with you? Have a great visit with your sister.
Avatar for soulnurturer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 3:21pm
I don't know if she has met anyone yet. This is all very new for her as well. I do plan on asking her,though, when I am visiting and if there is someone, I better get to meet her! I'm just worried about my Sis b/c she is just beginning to embark on a huge transitional period that has a lot of "firsts" in it. This is her first divorce, she's new to living as a lesbian, and it will be the first time she has lived on her own. She has no family where she is except for her soon to be ex-husband and his brother. My sisiter has a habit of dealing with things on her own and when she has everything figured out, that's when she lets friends and family have a clue about it. She doesn't give us a chance to help her thru her struggles. Which I do plan on talking to her about that as well. That's not healthy for anyone to do. I have been trying to find info on a local chapter of FFLAG or PFLAG but I can't find anything. It seems we used to have a PFLAG but it dissolved. The website is no longer active and I can't find a phone number or address on it. I just don't want her to feel isolated or like her family won't understand her new lifestyle.

Thanks for your input everyone,

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2003
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 11:53am
Pam it is always a joy to read your posts, you are a wonderful cl and you have a knack for just the right words :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2003
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 12:14pm
Hi April, what a wonderful sister you are for your support and love during what is a difficult transition for your sister. I was married and had a daughter when I realized that my reamining married would cause more problems for everyone involved than leaving the marriage and being who I was, a lesbian. It takes guts to leave and comes with lots of self doubt in the beginning since everything you have ever known is telling you not to leave this relationship. It sounds like your sister likes to figure things out for herself without asking for help, thats ok, it works for some folks very well. In the end we all have consequences for our own decisions whether we seek help along the way or not. I hope you will point her toward this board, it is full of loving sensitive and caring women, many who have similar experiences to your sister. Lesbian lifestyle is like a community of its own that fits nicely into the bigger community of life but it is a sub-culture. She will find it, experience it and snuggle into it in a way that fits her. The one thing I can say to you is that once she finds it and snuggles then she will be ok. It's like finding the real you and once that's found then the joy of living is at your fingertips. We also have the agony of defeat and the misery that everyone else has but finally the joy will be there as well. Blessings on you for your love and support for her, you are a wonderful person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 2:07pm
April,

Kudos to you for being there for your sister! It is a tough situation for everyone. YOu will both need each other to understand what is happening and be able to get through it.

As of 6 months ago I myself left a marriage of 16 years. I fell in love with my best friend and we are currently trying to build a future together. I am much like your sister. I made all my choices and changes before I let my family know what was going on. I was all alone because they live 900 miles away. It has always been the best way for me to handle things. Don't be too hard on your sister for not asking for help. She is probably very scared and confused and quite unsure how her family would react.

Just be there for her. The best thing you can do is listen, try to understand and even if you can't at least realize that she needs to be happy and that's all that matters.

I hope to see her here sometime. We can all use a friend to talk to.

Pages