Pam and Others
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| Sun, 08-01-2004 - 8:24pm |
I did some thinking as I was working out today. My mind always seems clearer while working out. Anyway, Pam I hope that earlier today I didn't seem hostile with my post. I wasn't trying to upset anyone.
I thought a lot about my feelings. I'll be a bit candid if that is okay with everyone, because if I can't be candid here, well, there's not many other places I can be. I'll never forget once when a post of mine was edited. I don't remember the subject matter, but I do remember this about it. Pam posted wanting my email address. I didn't know why she wanted my email address. Of course, I had feelings for her, and thought she was interested in me. I was on cloud nine. I sent her an email. When she emailed me back, it was in regard to editing my post. So, maybe the reason why it hurt me so badly was because I had feelings for the person delivering the message.
I don't know. I think I'm really bad at reading signals. Or, perhaps I get confused as to whether or not I'm getting a signal. I can remember when I had feelings for Lucy (and a part of me still does), I thought for sure that she knew I liked her. I mean, I thought I acted completely like an idiot whenever she was around. But, when I revealed that I liked her, she was totally shocked. So, I guess she just thought I was slow. Yeah, she probably thought..."that poor woman can't walk or talk."
And, while I'm on an embarrassing roll here, I shouldn't leave out the PFLAG mom, Kathy. Poor Kathy. She gave me her business card and told me to call her. I thought she was interested. Well, you know what? She wasn't! Enough said about that.
Oh, and while I'm on this embarrassing roll, I'll also mention that I screwed it up with the lady that was suppose to give me dating advice here locally where I live. Well, see--she was really butch. I mean mega butch. So, I wanted to make it perfectly clear that I was only interested in dating advice. I asked her to meet me at Barnes & Noble. She apparently didn't like that too well. She emailed me back upset that I had assumed she would want to date. Well, I didn’t assume anything; I just simply wanted to make things clear. I thought Barnes & Noble was a cool place to meet for advice. I mean, classical music plays. The scents of freshly brewed coffee filter throughout each aisle. I thought she could give me some pointers about the area. Places to meet women. And, we could venture into the gay/lesbian section and browse. Oh, well—just goes to show you how much I know.
So, there you go-lots of embarrassing stuff on me tonight. Perhaps, I’m just not cut out for this lesbian thing. I obviously find feminine women attractive, but maybe I need more than that. Who knows? So, go ahead and bash me. You say all the nasty things you want.
I’ll leave this on a positive note. Or, what may appear as a positive note. I attended church today. Well, most of the women remembered my name. That’s not too bad considering that the last time I visited was in January. Of course, they are all in a relationship. I don’t know exactly why they remembered my name. Maybe I look strange and the name stuck with them. Or, maybe they associated something with my name. Who knows? And don’t say it’s because I’m cute. Dogs are cute.
Well, one thing about it, I’m definitely different. Okay, that is really all I have to say.
Good night. I’m finishing up my popcorn.
rj

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Rj my friend!
Just know and remember that you will get no bashing from me. I have nothing nasty to say about you in any way sweetie and it means so much to me that you share so much of yourself with us.
I wish you only the best always and know that my email is there if you ever need to talk away from the board.
(((((((((((((((Rj)))))))))))))))))))
*hugs ~ Caly
*hugs ~ Caly
Well RJ, at least now your reaction makes sense.
CL-Nursepam2000 aka
(((((( rj ))))))
There will be no bashing from me either, I'm a hugger not a basher. I try
How brave of you to face the reason behind your reaction! It says volumes about you that you take your feelings out and look at them, judge them, and then decide to do something about them.
I don't know why you think people should bash you - you haven't done anything wrong. Thank God this is a big, beautiful world with millions of complex women in it - of which you are most definitely one!
As for reading signals wrong - I'll share one too:
One night when I was a brand new lesbian - I was in a gay bar, watching the women and wishing against all hope that someone would ask me to dance. A good looking butch I'd met casually at a workshop stopped to chat with me, but I was standing next to the speakers and the music was so loud all I could do was see her smile, and ask me a question.
I assumed she'd asked me to dance, nodded my head in agreement, and followed her out to the dance floor. Which she crossed until she reached another woman, whom she bent over and asked to dance. I know, I was standing so close behind her I heard every word. I was so flustered, I didn't have time to get out of her way, and when she turned around to lead her partner to the dance floor - there I was right in her face, blushing furiously. Just like I'm doing now - remembering it... LOL
In the seven years I've been online, I have had three posts edited/removed, each on different boards. Each time taught me something new about the way I interact with people. It's never easy for me to admit I've done something wrong. I always admire those who do so, and then take steps to make ammends. They are acting like grownups, and have my deepest respect.
I am not out to judge any one and you will/are still my friend..Your post was sharing of your thoughts and feelings at that time, no problem..
Thanks for sharing your embarassing moments with us now....
We have all had some..and will contiue to I am sure..
Hey maybe the people at the church remembered you because of your personality?.. Ya Think?.
Doesn't seem far fetched.......And Okay!... I won't say cause your cute..But..HeeHee..You are!
C >^. A .
:) rj
rj
Franco Harris of the Pittsburgh Steelers in 197
Thanks,
rj
rj
Franco Harris of the Pittsburgh Steelers in 197
Thanks for your kind words!
:) rj
rj
Franco Harris of the Pittsburgh Steelers in 197
You will always be my friend. No matter where you are or where I am- You've got a friend!
I'll email you sometime this coming week. I have finals this week, so it may be as late as Wednesday or Thursday. But, do realize I enjoy emailing you. I don't take you for granted!
rj
rj
Franco Harris of the Pittsburgh Steelers in 197
rj
rj
Franco Harris of the Pittsburgh Steelers in 197
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