when & how to tell daughter

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
when & how to tell daughter
17
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 11:20pm
long story short....married twice, divorced twice, first time lesbian relationship at 35 and loving life. problem...i have a 14 year old daughter that will need to know about my gf and me pretty soon (i think it should be soon, but maybe someone here will tell me something different) my gf is planning on moving in with us. i also have a 2 year old son, but with him its different because he will grow up with her. anyway, i have never been so happy and fulfilled in my life. not only am i emotionally stable now, i am having the best sex life, EVER. talk about losing out all those years!

anyway, i need some advise on how and when and what to tell my daughter. she's not stupid and my gf spends most nights at my house. i told my daughter thats it just like when one of her friends sleeps over, but she knows my gf is gay.

my whole other family already knows (mother, brother, cousins) but my daughter is the most important one to me. i came out to them within the first 3 months of my relationship and they welcomed my gf with open arms, no judgements.

thanks for any help girls!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 11:41pm
Hi

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 12:29am

Hi Xtine and Welcome to Lesbian Life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 2:32am
Pam, I think you are confusing her with me, we are living parallel lives! I bet her girl isn't 17 years younger than her though....that just doesn't happen everyday. sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 2:41am
Xtine, I am 35, and going through my 2nd divorce. I am in my first lesbian relationship and my daughter is 15. The biggest difference between your situation and mine is that I haven't told anyone BUT my daughter (and one sister). Your daughter has probably already figured out what is going on, you should talk to her soon because she is probably waiting and ready. I am sure she has been thinking about this quite a bit. I wish I had your courage, to tell all my family and friends, I hesitate because my girlfriend is 17 years younger than me. I know they would accept my life choice, but not my partner choice. Anyway, think about this, no one loves you more than your children, if the rest accepted you, she certainly will. Oh, I'm with you on the sex thing - what were we thinking before??? I can't believe how wonderful sex is now, I wish I had followed my heart a long time ago! Can't wait to hear how it goes for you, keep us posted! Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2004
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 6:40am
Add me to the list, just take some time and tell her. I'm sure that at her age she's figured it all out by now and if she hasn't given you any negative feedback at this point, she's probably not going to do it after you tell her. She's probably as nervous as you are about talking about it.
Avatar for themadhugger
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 8:25am

HI and Welcome!


Well I have a 13 year old son and in a similar boat.

*hugs ~ Caly

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 8:48am

Hi xtine and welcome to the board. I agree with what everyone else has said, its time to tell your daughter and chances are you won't have to tell her much. She has probably already put the pieces together but just doesn't know how to come to you with them. Good luck, I hope it all goes well. Come back when you can and keep us posted on how it goes.


Hugs!


~C

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 9:23am
I myself am in a similar situation. Married for 16 years and currently separated. I am in my very first lesbian relationship also. I have three girls 15, 12e, and 5. I also have never been so happy and cannot believe the joy i have experienced my with partner. We have been friends for over 9 years but within the last six months we woke up to the true feelings we have for each other.

You need to tell your daughter, NOW! She is not as naieve as you may think. They notice changes you may not even be aware of. When I told my oldest she pretty much had already figured it out. My 13 year old was a little bit more surprised. She knew I had been spending quite a bit of time with my "friend" and also had told me on several occasions how happy I seemed. It made it easier to tell her because the changes in me were so great and it was all a direct result of my new relationship so I was able to show her the positive side if it all. My 5 year old thinks of her as another mother.

They have handled it all remarkable well. My partner moved in mid June. We have settled into a routine. It won't be all peaches and cream when she moves in but if you learn to respect each other space and feelings it should go pretty smoothly.

Feel free to e-mail if you want to. I would love to compare notes with some people in the same situation.

Good Luck..........

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 10:58am

Hi Christine,<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />


Kim
Check out my

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 11:12am

LOL!

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