I am alone,
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I am alone,
| Tue, 08-31-2004 - 11:37pm |
A few hours ago,my children left to live with my ex and his gf. I move into a new townhouse in the morning( late afternoon) and I start school in 20 short days. The pain I felt as an abused child and young adult is not even in the same ball-park as to how I am feeling tonight. Their rooms are empty, their fav books and tid-bits to make a room "home' is no longer under my roof.I must make my new home without them. No, I take that back, it will never be home, but just a mere building.

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Hey Laurie,
Hey Sandra,
I do know what you mean though when saying it felt strange not to be spoken of as us.
Sheila and I have both felt that aloneness and the other has felt the pain of wodering how one could feel alone when the other is there. I think it is just a bad symptom of depression. That is why it is so hard to pull out of it sometimes. Because even though you are not alone, and you know you are not alone, the depression say's, "yes you are, your alone and nobody will possibly understand what you are going through or how you are feeling." And then the person starts to believe the depression. It brain washes us in to unrational thoughts due to chemical changes going on in our brains while we are working so hard to try to figure out what is going on.
And you have a right to need validation as a couple. It does affect the other person because of the fear that you will be left alone by the one who "feels" alone. Because you reason in your mind that this person would not feel alone if she was believing we were together.
Sheila and I have been and our going through this. I know how it feels from both sides.
I believe that therapy has been a big help for us. We never stop being in love or taking care of each other.
(And I hope I do not offend Sandy here, but sometimes the threat of the break up is one way to test that the other person is really going to stay) The feeling that "I am so pathetic, I should let you go and do my suffering" And the deep down good feeling when the other person say's, "No, I do not want to leave you especially when you feel so down." And after awhile the person who has been pushing you away begins to feel like, "if you stayed with me and loved me even at my very worst, I know that I will never be alone now."
Ok, it is kind of twisted but it is what some people experience. This is one of those real tests of a partnership because it causes both people to feel insecure.
Does that make sense? I feel like I have been wayyyyy to windy here.
Depression just does strange things to people and will affect those who are closest to them.
Hugs, Laurie
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
You'll get used to it. We have such commons together in to what you are going through.I even have ocean wave email address in my language. Your ex leaving you? Heck with him! You deserve to live a better life than he does. I have a better life for me to leave my ex.Ever since I learned alot from treatment. I am taking good care of myself and my kids. I have the same reasons too. I get so lonely and bored staying at home alone when my 7 yr old daughter goes to sleep either at my oldest daughters place or my brothers. I am just confused in life sometimes and wish that this special person I met in treatment would contact me one day as she promised. I have positive thinking that it's coming very soon! Anyways I give you my heart that your life will turn around for the best.Best of wishes!
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