Looks like I'm moving out . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Looks like I'm moving out . . .
58
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 2:15am
Dh had a revelation today in therapy. He can't function knowing that I'm still having a relationship with gf and thinks it best that I move out of the house. He says that he'll rent me an apartment until we can figure out the rest of the stuff, but that he is not able to function at work, etc. with all the heartache that he is enduring.

He told me last night that he was going to have to take another position at work due to his inability to work at the proper level, would probably lose his company car (brand new bmw,) and take a significant pay cut, (-about 40K.) His therapist told him that like it or not, it is his responsibility to financially care for his family and that he couldn't flush his career down the drain (thank God for her . . . )

I'm sorry if I sound insensitive, but I just don't get it. I have supported his career and raised our children for eight years. I haven't built my career because we made a decision together to make the choice for me to be home with our three daughters. I can't go out tomorrow and get a job making what he makes because I sacrificed my career building for what we felt was best for our children.

Also . . . He had ten years to show me how much he loved and valued me and never did. I never felt like I was first in his life and never felt valued. He made me feel like I was just some very lucky girl to have him supporting me.

I am so sick of him and all of our friends feeling sorry for him and his terrible sorrow. Who was there for me all of those years when he treated me like crap? I found something in gf that I didn't know existed. I feel loved, connected, and valued for who I am and what I offer to the world.

Not even mentioning the fact that I now look back at my life and my relationship with women and say, oh . . . I get it now, I understand why I felt the way that I did; I must be a lesbian.

I don't know if I shared before, but I had never felt an attraction to another woman before, never even considered it. The night that I kissed gf for the first time, (now that's a good story . . . ) I felt like I was completely changed for the rest of my life.

I'm rambling. It's late. Just thought I would update.

Best to everyone, (my new understanding friends . . .)

Scarlet

Scarlett
my blog

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 09-12-2004 - 8:47pm

What on earth is wrong with your leg?


Hugs!


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 12:34am
I understand and I apologize. I am in a bad place right now and grouchy about it. As my STBX suggested, I should "learn to keep my mouth shut". Sorry about that. Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 4:26am

I realize my post did read in a very bashing manner, and it wasn't my intent.


I felt incredibly guilty over the breakup of our marriage, but we agreed to part as amicably as possible. If he was bashing me at this point, I didn't hear about it and I continued to treat him generously and kindly. We settled, in speaking just one-on-one, on the amount we thought our business was worth, and agreed on what form my half would take. I was to have my house paid off and a large lump sum payment deposited to my account.


We went to a mediator, agreeing that lawyers would be not only expensive but unneccessary... we knew what we wanted to do and agreed about it.


The day came when we were with the mediator, finalizing numbers. Out of the blue, he HALVES the value of the business we own. I am only to have my home paid off, nothing more.. by his accounting. I could have pushed back.. in fact the mediator suggested I get the lawyer at this point. But I didn't. I let it happen just the way my husband wished.


I did it for a couple of reasons. He would have had to take a large loan for the original amount.. and would have been paying on it for a long time. I didn't want to financially tie him up so tightly, or to remind him of my leaving for years and years as he wrote out each payment.


I also knew he was starting to get feedback from his new girlfriend, that the careful treatment we'd been affording eachother was effectively over for me. He had every reason to be upset,

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 3:33pm
Hi,



What is your career? Have a good day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 9:12am
NO-OOOO.. I'm going to get re-eeeally mad if you keep your mouth shut! ;)

Sandra, please don't apologize; I truly respect your thoughts, and honestly, I don't think you're wrong. You are absolutely right that people come here for support, and I don't always come across like I'm doing so. I like to think I'm coming off supportive, but I know the tone in some of my posts doesn't always come across that way. Just know that I may question someone's choices or ideas... but I would NEVER judge that person.

And please... keep on telling me when you think I'm full of crap, I often am. (Zip those mouths of yours, Pam and Raye, LOL.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 9:24am
I'm sure you've written something worthy of continuous debate, but sheesshh, I can't get over the fact that you called me "sweet pea." How totally and sweetly endearing... so not me, LOL.

But hey, calling someone "sweet pea" is a disarming and unfair tactic when we're in the middle of a uhhhhh... expressing our opinions, and I cry foul!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 9:27am
(((smooches)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 9:28am
Why Raye... why the pumpkin leg?!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 9:52am
Many times the way things are written is not the way they are heard. You can read a sarcastic tone, or a giggle, or a sigh. Things we type can be very misinterpreted. As for me giving advice anymore - I have so screwed up my life, I have no business giving my opinion or advice. Want to hear the funniest part? I have a psychology degree! What a joke. Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 9:54am
Oops, I meant to say you CAN'T read a sarcastic tone...., sorry I am a bit preoccupied today! Sandra

Sandr