Looks like I'm moving out . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Looks like I'm moving out . . .
58
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 2:15am
Dh had a revelation today in therapy. He can't function knowing that I'm still having a relationship with gf and thinks it best that I move out of the house. He says that he'll rent me an apartment until we can figure out the rest of the stuff, but that he is not able to function at work, etc. with all the heartache that he is enduring.

He told me last night that he was going to have to take another position at work due to his inability to work at the proper level, would probably lose his company car (brand new bmw,) and take a significant pay cut, (-about 40K.) His therapist told him that like it or not, it is his responsibility to financially care for his family and that he couldn't flush his career down the drain (thank God for her . . . )

I'm sorry if I sound insensitive, but I just don't get it. I have supported his career and raised our children for eight years. I haven't built my career because we made a decision together to make the choice for me to be home with our three daughters. I can't go out tomorrow and get a job making what he makes because I sacrificed my career building for what we felt was best for our children.

Also . . . He had ten years to show me how much he loved and valued me and never did. I never felt like I was first in his life and never felt valued. He made me feel like I was just some very lucky girl to have him supporting me.

I am so sick of him and all of our friends feeling sorry for him and his terrible sorrow. Who was there for me all of those years when he treated me like crap? I found something in gf that I didn't know existed. I feel loved, connected, and valued for who I am and what I offer to the world.

Not even mentioning the fact that I now look back at my life and my relationship with women and say, oh . . . I get it now, I understand why I felt the way that I did; I must be a lesbian.

I don't know if I shared before, but I had never felt an attraction to another woman before, never even considered it. The night that I kissed gf for the first time, (now that's a good story . . . ) I felt like I was completely changed for the rest of my life.

I'm rambling. It's late. Just thought I would update.

Best to everyone, (my new understanding friends . . .)

Scarlet

Scarlett
my blog

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 9:57am

Awwwwwwwwwww!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 9:59am

Don't be so hard on yourself Sandra.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 4:31pm
>>And please... keep on telling me when you think I'm full of crap, I often am. (Zip those mouths of yours, Pam and Raye, LOL.)<<



I've a pic for you, at least I do when the camera cooperates and I have batteries...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 4:34pm
Not sure why... it puffed up again last night, and is still not back to normal. At first I suspected a bug bite, but dunno now...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 9:06pm

I have 3 little words for you Raye....


SEE...............A....................DOCTOR!


Hugs!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 9:56pm
I would, but no health insurance yet... have to wait this out until I'm employed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 10:45pm

Aggghhhhhh!! I dislike that much! That people have to wait to be seen for things going or gone wrong..
Is there no Clinic there? Or perhaps free Care through the Hospital?
(((((((Hugs)))))"CAT"


 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 11:20pm

I'm with Cat honey.

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