Losing it all

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Losing it all
39
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 9:04am
Well I think I have finally hit rock bottom. Jen moved out the other day because my daughter and her could not get along. I take that back, my daughter would not get along. Then yesterday my daughter springs it on me that she is going to live with her father. After 15 years of devotion and unconditional love, this is the love I get in return. Words cannot express the pain in my heart. I had my daughter when I was 19, raised her alone until she was 4, met my husband and he adopted her when she was 5. She is going to stay with him. He is never even home, she will not be ok. I don't know where I am going to go or what I am going to do. I don't even remember who I was before I had her, she is my whole identity. I gave up Jen, my only happiness, and lost everything and everyone else too. I don't know what I expect you all to say I just needed to tell someone. I better go figure out where to go from here. I figure I have 2 choices, I can live or die. I created my destiny, so I guess I had this coming. Sandra

Sandr

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
In reply to: sandralea33
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 9:08am

I'm siding with the daughter on this one.

Kim
Check out my

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: sandralea33
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 9:42am

LOL Kimmie!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
In reply to: sandralea33
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 9:54am
Thank you for presenting the other side, Kim. I think that's important. I also think there is

Ting 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: sandralea33
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 9:56am
I don't know Kim,

I think teens are caught in between that kid and adult stage. Their bodies are going through many chemical changes. They want more control than what they actually can have. When they feel like they do not have control, they many times handle it irrationally. I don't think they are thinking this is hurting my mom, I think they are thinking, what can I do to make people see how they are messing up my life.

To me this equals selfishness. It is just how a teen or many teens are. They cannot help it because of the chemical changes going on in their bodies. Emotions, hormones etc. are magnified.

I just don't think the mother's should take all the blame or take it as if their DD's have left them for good. I know these mother's hearts are breaking and that breaks my heart. I wish they could feel a bit better about themselves. I don't think it has to do with how their parents brought them up or that they are doing a bad job. I just think that teens cannot always help the way they "react" sometimes because their emotions can get out of whack. Yes, give the kid a break, but don't punish yourself to the point of never having a life. That breaks my heart. If my mother died after living a long and lonely life, because we made her feel that she had to be alone and miserable since she and my Dad could not stay married, I would never forgive myself.

I also think teens do not believe that their parents can understand them and it is a passing phase that teens go through.

And I would bet that Dad's house will become the party house. Here in my neighborhood the single parent homes are the party houses. (Not because the parents are bad, but because the teens have a place to go where no one is home to lay down the law. They just want to be social.

Yes, I agree her life is being turned upside down and she is having a hard time. And that is why I believe all of the above.

Then again I do not have kids so I could be way off, just going on my oppinions, experiences, and observations.

Laurie
Laurie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2002
In reply to: sandralea33
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 10:50am

I know I'm probably "too close" to this situation to be objective due to my Sandy's situation with her kids and so I'll apologize if it seemed my post was "ganging up" on the kid! Anyone who really knows me KNOWS how much I love kids and yet at the same time I'm not as much as a "softie" as I used to be years ago!


Avatar for themadhugger
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
In reply to: sandralea33
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 3:22pm

I have already posted how I am handling things with my teenager so I wont reiterate that.


I think I just want to post here something that I have read and reread for 25 years now and it touches me deeply every time.

*hugs ~ Caly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: sandralea33
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 10:33pm

Beautiful words Caly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: sandralea33
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 1:45am
Caly, That is beautiful. I will print it off and keep it with me. Thank you! Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
In reply to: sandralea33
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 7:43am

((((((( Caly )))))))


That was beautiful ! Thanks for sharing, you always find the right words to say.


Many huggles,

Robin

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