Update from Sandra (long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Update from Sandra (long)
12
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 1:26am
Well, I thought I would get everyone up to speed on my life. My stbx should be my ex very soon. He brought the revised edition of the divorce papers and stood over me while I re-read them and signed them. He wouldn't even let me hold them over the weekend. He is in such a hurry I wonder if he found someone new, good for him if that's the case. I want him to be happy. So I signed 300 times and now his lawyer will file them. I didn't get a lawyer, I got everything I asked for, whew.

He never found out about Jen and I, I am suprised since my daughter and 2 sisters knew all along. Nice of them not to say anything, I didn't want to hurt his feelings or make him angry. I am not sure how he will respond once he finds out I am living an alternative lifestyle. Since my sister is gay and he loves her, maybe he will just shrug it off. Maybe. Guess I'll see when the time comes.I hope he will still be my friend, we have a daughter to raise.

Jen and I had a rough night. After signing my papers I felt weird. After 10 years of marriage and 12 years together it was sad. I feel bad for my daughter especially, she had a picture perfect life. Now she has divorced parents and a gay mom. She is a good girl, I hope we aren't doing too much irrepairable damage. Anyway, I questioned my ability to keep a relationship and told poor Jen we should hold off a few years. Stay in touch, but as friends. I didn't want to hurt anyone else, especially never her. I guess I feel like I am unable to keep a relationship. She convinced me that I should try again, that this time would be different because we are both women. I say people are people and I obviously don't get along with people. She wouldn't take no for an answer so here I go with another relationship. Yesterday was our 5 month anniversary and I tried to break up with her - I am such a bi#ch sometimes. I don't know why she wants to be with me. I am 35, divorced twice, and grouchy. She is young and beautiful, and happy all the time. What in the world is she thinking???? My daughter was out for the night, staying with her friend overnight, so of course Jen slept here with me. We disagreed about this until very late and then she asked to make love one last time, she called it "break up sex". Well, it ended up to be make up sex...good one Jen. I tried not to, but she's a pushy little thing. (I am not sure I am allowed to be saying this, hope I don't get in trouble) OK, you get the point.

So, short version...divorce almost done + new relationship already begun = potential disaster! Someone talk some sense into me!

Also, my daughter SAYS she is ok with my decision to live an alternative lifestyle. Yet when she sees me posting/reading here she rolls her eyes. Should I take her to counseling over this divorce/lifestyle change? I really can't afford it but I will figure something out if I have to. Is her behavior just as its expected to be? I know she doesn't get why I was always straight and now I'm not. I don't even understand it so I can't explain it to her. I just know that guys hit on me, friends are already trying to set me up with men, and I am NOT interested. Even if Jen left me tomorrow, I would not date a man again.

Well, this is a long post. I better shut up now. Thanks for listening, again!

smooches, Sandra

Sandr

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 12:03pm
Hi,




Good luck with your new life and your new relationship. Take your relationship one day at a time. Your daughter might need counseling. Best wishes on your new life and good luck there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 3:33pm
Counseling for a youngun is a tricky decision to make. They might well need it, but could also very much resent being forced to go. Better to convince her to go by showing her the positives in doing so.

I too have a youngun who suffered the end of a what was a very stable and good relationship, at least from one angle, and certainly in relation to her... until the last year, then it was dreadful for all of us. No small amount of guilt over this, either... sigh. Kids are resilient, and they tend to see the good in things, such is how our youngun viewed the separation.

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