? for you ladies

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2002
? for you ladies
10
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 6:44pm
I need some feedback on an issue, that has been dancing in my head.

For those in relationships or past, at what point did you decide to become a couple.

My thoughts are that one does not become a couple until they have gotten to know each other, establish a friendship, then at some point if there are sparks,or whatever between each other, then there is a discussion I feel, on what the next stage is whether dating or a deeper level of friendship, whatever. I don't think a person can profess their undying love for another person, until they have been friends, and seen each other, dated, etc. For me, I need to know the person quite well before I say that we are a couple and that again, my thoughts is if one jumps in to soon, and proclaims one as a couple, that the set up is there for failing in the relationship/friendship because you didn't really get to know the person.

What is everyone thoughts, I also realize each person has a different spin on the subject so I am looking for all input. Thanks so much and look forward to checking in. Have a great evening:) gracemae59
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 7:50pm
Gracemae,

For me, each relationship began differently. The current on was a love at first sight thing. (first time for me to experience that) We both just new we were going to be together right away.

Others took time and friendship and the love and sparks grew later.

I think it all depends on the situation you meet.

For example, meeting someone online to me, if everyone is being honest, it seems like you get to know each other quicker because you are more apt to write more personal things than you might talk about in a face to face meeting. Especially if someone is shy.I have heard many people say that they fell in love on line and it did not matter when they met what the other person looked like etc. I have also heard quite the opposite. LOL.

I just think each relationship is different and grows differently from the others because each new person is thier on individual.

I do not think you need to make rules and regulations to go by when it comes to relationships. Just let them happen naturally.

Hugs,

Laurie
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 8:33pm
Dunno... my experience is rather limited, and was 28 years ago! It just sort of evolved into such.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 8:36pm
>>For example, meeting someone online to me, if everyone is being honest, it seems like you get to know each other quicker because you are more apt to write more personal things than you might talk about in a face to face meeting. Especially if someone is shy.I have heard many people say that they fell in love on line and it did not matter when they met what the other person looked like etc. I have also heard quite the opposite. LOL.<<

I had to chuckle reading this, because I've said the same thing many times, and it feels almost word for word! And the qualifier is so important. In my experience, if two people are in fact totally honest, there are no surprises... and it is the untold stuff that invariably causes problems.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 10:40pm
Well I don't believe in saying *Love* until you get to really know someone..
*Love* is a word not to be given quickly....I mean Love as far as Love ya between friends or out here as a friendly kinda human caring about another human is

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 11:03pm
I love you cat. That was a good/smart post.

But I really do love people in different ways.

The night Sheila and I met it was love at first sight.

We both said, I don't want to lose you again. We had never even met so that was weird. It was as if we had been in love before then found each other again.

Maybe there is such a thing as past lives.

Maybe I should take this over to the Paranormal Board.

We never dated or did anything for 6 months after we met because I was trying to repair a bad relationship. I told her I had to know that I tried everything in that relationship even though I knew I was no longer in love with my ex. I had told my Ex that I was no longer in love with her even 6 months before because of the abuse. But she wanted me to try to get it back. I never did.

So I left her, and hoped that Sheila was still single since I stopped all contact with her for what was supposed to be a month. I made it about 2 weeks.

I did not know if she would ever speak to me again.

I am totaly in love with my therapist but not in a sexual way. I can't even describe it.

I could never go there sexually though, I know that. It is a different love than what I have for my gf.

I guess I always have easily just loved people unless they hurt me so bad I feel nothing for them.

Oh well I am rambling again.

Love ya,

Laurie
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 11:12pm
Awwwww ((((Laurie Your a sweetheart))))))) Love ya back~in a getting to know ya.. but feel ya through your words and Humor kinda way **Smiles**Shelia is a luckey person and I imagine Visa versa your luckey too....
I (also) love in different ways~ Well Heck! we all do ...but I have loves in my Life aside from My ~S~.... and although I love these people it's with a heart of knowing them for who they are and even if I were not with ~S~ and although there is great

 C  >^. A .

Avatar for themadhugger
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 8:25am

Hi Grace,


I think for the most part I have to agree with you on this one Gracemae, I dont think I could consider myself a "couple" with someone I hadnt at least met face to face.

*hugs ~ Caly

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 11:01am

I certainly agree with Caly that the progress of our relationship was slow, starting with a very strong friendship. That is what our relationship is founded on in addition to the deep love we have for one another. However, I think you can know from the beginning which direction a relationship will take if both people are honest and keep the communication channels flowing.

Ting 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 12:27pm

I have a really good friend whom I love absolutely. We've known eachother for *counting on fingers* , OMG.. 25yrs!! There's nothing sexual in this love, we just know eachother inside and out and have come to cherish the honesty, concern and humor of eachother..


I can love a person on this 'friends' level before even having laid eyes on them. Lou and I did this. We posted and emailed and IM'd daily for five months before I let her know I'd fallen for her in a romantic way. She'd had those feelings sooner than I had .. but was trying to respect my aversion to LDR's, and outside of trying to charm the pants off me, wasn't pushing her interest!


After that, we were a couple in my eyes. That designation, to me, is about how you'd feel if they paid attention elsewhere. She was mine then, and I was hers. No, it wasn't the professing of undying love... that never felt like a reasonable thing to do considering we'd not even met in person. It was a sort of 'dating' though.


Lou and I both agreed that chemistry (in the flesh) DOES have bearing and that it would be wrong to skip so far ahead without accounting for this important aspect.


If I remember right, we called ourselves Very Best Loving Friends for four more months, till we laid eyes (and lips) on eachother.


I think you're right, gracemae, not to jump too far ahead. You have to have space to judge just what the relationship IS at each level of intimacy. I don't believe it's wise to skip ahead because it can set up unrealistic expectations

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 12:55pm

Nony!

Kim
Check out my