An Update

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2002
An Update
12
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 11:39am

First I want to thank all of you ladies who've supported us through this latest difficult time. I wish I could say that from here on end, there will BE no more rough times, that break up will never be in our vocabulary again. And if it were up to me, I would--because in my eyes, life is too short and when you've found someone to love that loves you, ALL obstacles should be something that can be overcome. But then, despite life teaching me some hard lessons along the way, I've always had that part of me that can be idealistic at times. In a perfect world life sure would be easier and love would take no effort!!


As you know, this time I initiated the breakup because I was hurting beyond hurt and felt I'd exhausted all my options. I mean, there is only so much you can do anyway living 800 miles away from the person you love but Sandy was limiting me even further in her own pain and so I gave her what I felt she wanted and didn't have the courage to ask for. I also thought I was giving myself a break from the pain of loving someone who had nothing to give right now. What I didn't realize is that I'd have regrets almost immediately. I thought of the few people in my life who've stuck by me through the years as I dealt with the sexual abuse and how I'd have felt if they left me suddenly in the midst of my "acting out" to deal with the pain. And so I ended up writing to Sandy and reassuring her of my love and the fact that I did NOT want to do this but felt up against a wall. She didn't answer right away and so the following day I wrote an email saying basically "I love you, I always will but I'll leave you alone if that's what you want..." She called me later that afternoon and said she does love me and always will. We began to talk and talked for about an hour that first night. I hung up feeling better about things, like we had love and the rest would work itself out as she began feeling better about her own life.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
In reply to: onceachild
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 12:35pm

So glad that you're both feeling better, Lori - and that you have found some other means through by whcih to keep moving forward together. I really hope that you DO get the chance to grow old together. ust give each other some space, eh? And keep those lines of communication open ;)


(((hugs)))) Loubie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2002
In reply to: onceachild
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 1:40pm

Thanks Lou, we sure have had some hard times throughout our relationship but mostly, I have to say the "starting point" wasn't even ABOUT us as a couple--just that it impacted us very strongly at times due to our own individual styles and backgrounds!


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: onceachild
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 2:00pm
Lori, I am glad you are talking things out. It sounds like you are both headed in the right direction. I am happy for you both, keep us posted whenever you need to talk. Hugs, Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
In reply to: onceachild
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 2:07pm
(((((((Hugs Lori and Sandy)))))))) Hey if you two agree on it and it makes you both happy then whatever ya call it is okay with me***Smiles***.. I am hopeing for the best for the two of ya wether it be together as a couple...Apart as friends.. Or apart and disolving it..
Just take it slow, communicate and try to keep feeling beyond you but still take care of you.. Not easy as I said before but do-able..
(((((Hugs Hon))))))"CAT"

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
In reply to: onceachild
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 3:55pm

(((((( Lori & Sandy ))))))


Robin

 **Please remember to sign your organ donor card...it can save someone's life**   

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
In reply to: onceachild
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 7:55pm
{{{{{{{{Lori}}}}}}}} this hits close to home

i understand the push and pull as i do the same with

my Honey, I love her and she is so good and understanding

wants to help but then again I some days don't know what I want.

I just hope you don't give up who you are . To love her through

tough times is commendable but not at the risk of losing who you are.

I know this seems bold but I mean it from a right heart and attitude,

I think if Sandy reads or were to read this she would see that I am

caring for you and have nothing against her. Just as she would probably

feel if this were the case for my Honey (aka Snickers559)

Being in a relationship when one person struggles so intensely with their

identity is a hard thing to endure and many probably can't endure. It is

evident how deep and genuine your love for her is. I only wish the best for

you both and pray that Sandy continues to heal but learns not to push you

away. I see her hurt but my heart aches for you as a friend just as much.

Maybe you will never meet me but having been here and being a part of

your lives in this sense, I feel as if I do know you, there have been times

I actually sat here and cried for you and Sandy. You know a survivor thing,

plus I knew you from the other place so you are pretty special my friend.

Blessings and Peace and Healing to you BOTH.

((((((((((( Sandy & Lori ))))))))))))

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2002
In reply to: onceachild
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:45pm

Hey Tink.... thanks so much for your kind words and support of both of us!


I have to say that coming from the background that I do it used to be my largely unspoken "rule" to not let people in. I felt that needing someone was "bad" and that it was ESPECIALLY dangerous if the person knew I needed them or cared about them in any significant way. And so this push/pull thing with Sandy is really rough at times. I can honestly say this is the worst time of our whole relationship and ironically, it didn't start out being about us! It's just it almost always ends up that way when she is very depressed or hurting over something major. I know there were a few times last summer/fall when SHE broke up briefly but she always came back and when she did, it was ALL THE WAY back. This time, the effort seems half hearted and so it increases my concern for the relationship and whether it can survive. Or, should I say, if it WILL survive. Because I KNOW it can!!! It's just a matter of whether she has ANY desire or ability

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: onceachild
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:54pm
Lori,

I sure hope things start tilting more your way. You have been so patient in all of this.

I think Sandy needs a little kitty to keep her company and give her something to look after. Does that sound dumb?

Well, you take care of yourself.

Hugs to you and sandy,

Laurie
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
In reply to: onceachild
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 3:52am
((((((Lori)))))))))

yw my friend...

just keep praying for her ok, and for you, and for wisdom and to know what to do in

all of this, i think thats a wonderful song to hold on to !!!

I hope that Sandy has the desire to make this work,

time will tell, and I hope she can fight this fight

the darkest hour is sure the hardeset time to hang in there and to keep going

till you see the dawn, dont we know ... ( smiles for you both )

keep in touch when you can ok

luv Tynk

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2002
In reply to: onceachild
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 12:12pm

Hi Laurie,


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