My house is on the market

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
My house is on the market
16
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 4:24pm
Well, my house went on the market this weekend, the realtor held an open house yesterday and I don't think it will take long to sell. I have so many mixed feelings about the whole thing, my kids are really upset and I feel so guilty for wrecking everyone's world. It's very hard and quite a bit depressing, but I don't really see what other choice I have. The bottom line is that I am in love with my gf and don't want to be married to my husband anymore. I can't go on with my life living a lie and pretending to be someone that I'm not, it would be lying to myself, my husband, my children, and to everyone else; I don't have any other choices, I have to follow through with this scary as it is.

My mother "outed" me to my very conservative uncle and aunt who live in PA. I wasn't planning on telling them anything except that dh and I are getting divorce and the reasons are personal. He told my mom that he wanted to fly out here and talk some sense into both of us; he says there is NO reason to EVER get a divorce if there are three children involved. Why does everyone think that I can just turn off my feelings and forget what I've experienced, is that even possible? Why would I want this? Do people do that? I don't know why everyone is so judgmental and unreasonable, I'm so over feeling like I have to try to explain over and over and over again that I'm in LOVE with someone else and I don't think that it's fair to expect my husband to just accept that and I can't and won't just stop loving her. Also my uncle, aunt, and mother are questioning how I could possibly, just overnight, become a lesbian. They don't believe me either.

I keep trying to tell myself that this is just a process and I will get through it.

Scarlett

Scarlett
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 6:03pm

(((((((((((((( Scarlett )))))))))))))


(((((((((((((( Scarlett )))))))))))))


(((((((((((((( Scarlett )))))))))))))


Robin

 **Please remember to sign your organ donor card...it can save someone's life**   

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 6:04pm

((((((((((((( Sandra )))))))))))))


((((((((((((( Sandra )))))))))))))


((((((((((((( Sandra )))))))))))))


Robin

 **Please remember to sign your organ donor card...it can save someone's life**   

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 6:07pm

((((((((((((( Nony )))))))))))))


You are so wise & helpful :o)


Robin

 **Please remember to sign your organ donor card...it can save someone's life**   

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 6:08pm

((((((((((((( Kim )))))))))))))


((((((((((((( Kim )))))))))))))


((((((((((((( Kim )))))))))))))

Robin

 **Please remember to sign your organ donor card...it can save someone's life**   

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 10:44pm

((((((((((Kimmie))))))))))


I had an interesting talk today

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 12:02pm
Nony and Kim,

Thank you so much for your kindness and your advice. I guess the thing that is difficult for everyone, and even me sometimes is that I didn't have a horrible relationship with my husband, it just wasn't everything that I wanted. People saw a reasonably happy couple with a nice family and living the american dream. This so came out of nowhere for me in so many ways, but once it hit me, I knew I couldn't deny my feelings.

I'm scared to death about so many things:

I'm selling my beautiful house that I love. I'm sitting here right now on my back patio listening to the birds tweeting on a beautiful NW fall day thinking that in a short time I'll be living in an apartment with all of this behind me.

My children are losing their home and neighborhood and their life as they've always known it.

I haven't had a job in eight years and have no idea what I want to do to support myself and my children after the spousal support runs out.

I am desperately in love with a woman and I don't know how that will turn out because it's still so new and with so many complications. (It's been only three months today since that first fateful kiss.)

I just keep trying to tell myself that I have to keep moving forward, find myself and my strength and that ultimately I don't have a choice; I have to live to be true to myself and staying with my husband and this life is not being true to myself or to anyone else.

I thank you all so much for providing me with the love and support that I need right now. It's so great that the true human nature of love and compassion can come out here on the internet between total strangers and have such a profound affect on others. I'm really grateful.

Scarlett

Scarlett
my blog

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