The weekend....

Avatar for tookie12
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
The weekend....
19
Fri, 10-08-2004 - 10:33am
My 17 year old son...fresh out of rehab.... is having his 17 y/o girlfriend...also fresh out of rehab ....stay at our house for the weekend

So..not only do we have to stress about the possibilty of falling off the wagon, I have to stress about the possibility of becoming a grandmother...at the same time as a mother....

I am PAYING for his condoms...and told him just in case that little thing of his gets out of hand...so to speak........

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my blog....where i scoop the poop

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: tookie12
Fri, 10-08-2004 - 10:45am

((((((((((Soozi))))))))))


Wow!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
In reply to: tookie12
Fri, 10-08-2004 - 1:06pm
*hugs*

Thinking good thoughts that all goes well for all of you this weekend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: tookie12
Fri, 10-08-2004 - 2:37pm
Good Luck! I think you should just stay with them constantly, lol! Maybe go buy some "No Doze" and camp out in the bedroom doorway....seriously, good luck. Hugs, Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
In reply to: tookie12
Fri, 10-08-2004 - 3:04pm

Our children

Kim
Check out my

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
In reply to: tookie12
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 12:54am
Wow Took.. I dunno... call me not up with the times.. or perhaps because my Son's aren't with me but I think even with all he has been through with his body (seeming as having adults problems) he is still only 17 is he ?.. I mean only my opinion here and as I said I am maybe not the one to be speaking but I think if it were my Son and he were 17 which actually my son is!.. and he were staying at my house/home he would respect that I do not want a girl sleepin/staying here (especially someone/g/f?) that is only 17 also and fresh out of the scene of problems.. I know they can go have sex any where and so be it if thats what they will do, I'de suggest the condoms but lay it out ...not in the Home I live in until he's of adult age and mind..
I mean some 17 year olds are very mature but even then are not adults.. I feel for you.. I hope it does not end up with an unwanted pregnacy.. I am not judging anyone here or telling anyone how to do their life, just stateing feelings.. You have been through so much already..
((((((((((Hugs)))))))))"CAT"

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: tookie12
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 12:55am

Very good and important considerations Miss Cat.


Hugs!


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: tookie12
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 2:25am
Hey tookie,

You know what they say, "Hugs not drugs".

I think you did the right thing. Giving them the condoms and the talk.

They are 17, and have already made some adult decisions. Having been in drug rehab etc. I actually think they are beyond the innocent teen stage. There is no way that you can strap them down and make them do as you say until they are adults.

They would just find someplace else to go and maybe get in to worse trouble.

I know that they tell recovering adicts and alcoholics not to get involved in a sexual relationship until they reach 1 year of sobriety. Maybe that is realistic if you are not already involved.

Maybe it will be a positive thing and they can help each other work their programs and stay sober.

Just hope they are going to meetings at least 3 times a week or even more at first. They will really need support from others in recovery also. I was sent to alcohol rehab in the Navy (go figure) I was only 19 yrs old. Anyway, I have stayed sober. Had a few slips, but have never gotten drunk since then. I immersed myself in the program. It is the best thing to do for the first years at least. I eventually became a career and substance abuse counselor and did that also my first civilian job.

I say just be supportive and don't act like you are shocked about anything and the will probably feel better talking to you about things. They also have to know and have been told that it will take awhile to gain peoples trust back. Tell them you are very proud of them for all their hard work in rehab and working through this. Trust me they have been conditioned in rehab and will feel like total slugs if they let you down and even if they let themselves down. There may be times in the first year that they will slip, but they can get right back to the program.

You should also get into a program so that you can feel easier about them. They have groups for the families of substance abusers that could help you to understand some of what they and you may be going through.

Let them know that they can talk to you and that you are proud of them for doing the program. It does help them keep going. And never appear shocked at what they might say, just say something like, I want to understand better so that I can be here for you. It will be nice and helpful if they can tell you or feel like they can talk about when they might be having thoughts about using again. It is an addiction and it is hard to kick.

You can also make a contract with them so they will not use drugs in your house or that they will tell you if they have, or that they will take a drug test if you are suspicious that they have been using. This will not be foriegn to them if they have been in rehab.

I would be glad to help if I can in anyway or help point you in the right direction.

I wish you all the best. And just take it one day at a time.

Hugs,

Laurie
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
Avatar for tookie12
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: tookie12
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 8:55am
Wow Laurie....you have hit many nails on the head here...THANK YOU!!!!

He is in intensive Outpatient for 6 weeks and is supposed to be going to meeteings....we've had a hard time finding them! He doesnt like AA...says they're just a bunch of old drunks....and the 3 N/A meetings he's attempted no one was there. I have given him 2 weeks to find a sponsor and if he cant find NA he will HAVE to find AA that works...there are tons of those.

I worked al-anon with my ex and Lise and I attended a Family Anon last week but it wasnt a good fit....we will continue to hunt for ourselves.

I really apppreciate your post...it helps me alot...more than you can know

It is wonderful having my son back....tho I missed alot in the last 2 years...he was here physically....but that was it. We are working on the contract through outpatient AND he is drug tested weekly....I have to keep it in my head that there most like WILL be slips...and try to deal with those with strength

Thanks Again!!

Soozi

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my blog....where i scoop the poop

htt

Avatar for tookie12
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: tookie12
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 9:02am
Hey Cat...ya know I talked to alot of people about this issue, young, old, straight, gay, single, married....and it was about split in peoples opinions......half as you said, half as *I* made the decision to deal. It wasnt a matter of him having sex...that WAS going to happen...and I did not *Welcome* it. I gave her a bedroom on the secong floor and he is in the basement.....BUT I was not going to babysit them. They have given each other strength in their recovery....he is a very different young man .....and I honsetly think for HIM to have someone to hold and care for is very important...and if it includes sex...that is one battle *I* have chosen not to fight.

"I am not judging anyone here or telling anyone how to do their life" YOU CAT are the LAST person I would ever thnk judged people

Meow!


Edited 10/9/2004 9:24 am ET ET by tookie12

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my blog....where i scoop the poop

htt

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: tookie12
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 11:06am

Here are some alternative resources that may help.


SmartRecovery.com:


http://www.smartrecovery.org/


Substance Abuse Problems message board:


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhdrugaddict


SoberRecovery.com Site Map:


http://www.soberrecovery.com/sitemap.html


12 Step Alternatives from SoberRecover:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/links/12stepalternatives.html


Hugs!


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