Giggling schoolgirls?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Giggling schoolgirls?
50
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 3:52pm
My day... (we need an eyeroll icon!)

I am in a training class for a position with the state. When hired, I told the interviewer (my supervisor was one of the interviewers, a woman who was retired was assisting her) that I was a transsexual. Our class is training in an adjacent building to where we will work, and we are now... 12 days into training. Today my supervisor asked to see me, and she outlined how there are rumours circulating about me. She was an absolute sweetheart, and was very upset with this happening, that I was one of the ones she insisted on hiring, and she does not wish me to leave. She told me they were calling a meeting to tell everyone it was none of their business, and I would assume remind them of what being professional means and what state regulations are. She also told me that if anyone gives me a hard time to let her know, because it is discrimination.

Wow. I don't wish to be the cause of problems, just wish to do my work, be a good person and colleague, and the only way to win them over is to do and be just that.

How they know is uncertain... the only way people can tell usually is by my voice, if power is required behind it it will give me away. There are 5 women and 2 men in my class, and of all of us... one guy is from the department where this started, and they were having him take this class... there was something about his attitude that seemed off, though I could not put my finger on it... how he interacted with our trainer, his insistence on breaks, etc... like an institutionalised employee. Where I come from, there was no such thing as breaks, though when working for myself worked late and took breaks when I felt the need.

I talked with the women in my training class, explained what was happening, they were all wonderful... spoke with the trainer and she wanted to choke someone. So while this is only speculation, speculation I'll only share with friends, family, or in this way... this is a shining example of how some guys are so damn immature about human sexuality, it's like they've never gotten past 16. And to think there is a stereotype of giggling schoolgirls... I submit that there are giggling grown men out there as well.






Edited 10/26/2004 3:56 pm ET ET by rayeellen

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2004
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 1:45pm
Thanks everyone for the kind words. To be honest, I thought most of you knew already.

About sexual orientation, I think that gets very confused because most people are at least a little bisexual and that leaves a lot of room for life experience to influence your choices. But if you aren't attracted to someone, then you just aren't. I don't think you can change that.

And Rayeellen, back to your original topic. Yeah, exactly! Sometimes when sexuality comes up guys do turn incredibly silly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 2:54pm
My first memories of it are from age six. Gender and orientation to me are inborn, and are distinct. I was born with a male body, but with a female operating system, thus creating the conflict within, while my orientation is to women, though there is that little chaste thing (quiet, tookie!) When my daughters were age 6... it really gave me perspective on what was going on with me way back then... is amazing one so young and innocent can be wrestling with such heavy issues.

Some will ask "why bother?" Because the hardware is all wrong, and it has to be right. Tie a string on a cat's tail, they will not care for it at all, it will drive them nuts, because it doesn't belong... they will do anything to get it off... that describes my life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 3:09pm
*hugs* they do... and it can be fun. I had a vasectomy after my youngest was born, and even mentioning that can clear a room of guys, never mind srs talk!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 7:37am

Grown men behave worse than little children sometimes. Sheesh. It sounds like your supervisor is handling it great - that is wonderful! Luckily it sounds as though you have great coworkers too. Glad things are working out fairly well.


Big hugs!


~C

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 7:38am

Great pic Nelle - I hadn't seen that one. Thanks for sharing!


Hugs!


~C

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 7:40am

I am so glad that you feel comfortable being yourself and that you feel welcome here. I think that we have the best community going.


Hugs!


~C

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 3:40am
thank you for sharing kathygnome. i really didn't know that, before...

i too do think we're all bisexual to a certain extent, it's whether we admit it or not... or whether we act on it or not, but this is only my pov. i think not everybody thinks the same way. i can't wrap my head around going for just one gender, although i would prefer it that way. makes things alot less complicated...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 3:50am
yes, it shouldn't matter where we end up as long as we're happy in the end...

in high school, i've been attracted to girls long before i've been attracted to boys, but the first time i fell in love was with a boy, and i was 16--i didn't know it was love then, tho... i thought it was hormones, lol, but i know that now because a long, long time afterwards, i have missed only him even though so many other good catches came my way, and eventually, i developed a type based on him, and then when i fell in love, it were with types based on him. but i remember my attractions to women too, though i never acted on them. i just left them alone, i didn't suffer, i was happy, lol. then more than ten years later, just last year, i met a girl who was this type and fell for her. i think i was very surprised it happened, and in a way, not. it was accumulative, my types, my list built upon the previous partner and so on... and i just didn't care that she was a girl. and then again, she *feels* like a girl (in the way she talks, acts), but she *looks* like a boy(and sometimes behaves a bit like a boy to reinforce that though not intentionally, i think, she's just like me that way--so my mind could be playing tricks on me, lol...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 3:57am
there's something really creepy about freud, lol, i wont even go near his literature...

lol, personally he's like a homophobic. do you know, according to some studies, homophobics have repressed homosexual desires, they know it and are terrified of it, and that if a person isn't homophobic, he/she will simply not manifest any homophobia?

well, i think freud is sexually repressed and dying to talk about it no end, and the only way he can do it respectably is conceal it under the thin veil of his studies. he must have needed to get laid ALOT, and maybe he was'nt able to do that... who knows, maybe in his time... or maybe he had a really screwed-up childhood because his mind gets in the way of him actually doing it, he must have felt such a need to justify this...

HAHAHA!!!!!! lol, then again, i'm being really mean...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 4:14am
i will accept this raye, the part about gender, because you have felt this, and you have struggled with this, and i have not because i have never felt the need to. so, i take it for granted that's how things are, but in actuality that's not how things are for other people who are not born into what they are. Lucky you, to be so self-aware to be able to see as to why there is such a conflict within you... i hope you're dealing well in this transition state, though i have a feeling you've been in this state forever and cannot wait for the time when you can complete this process. your analogy of a cat's tail and a string that shouldn't be there is really clear, i hope you will complete this process for your own peace of mind.

maybe orientation is inborn too, i don't know... i still think we're all bisexual to a certain extent, but i also know it's only my POV, and my life experiences and those of other bi's, most lesbians don't think so, i dare not ask the straight women, i know most will deny this as vehemently as i used to, on the outside... internalized homophobia, see...

when i first *talked to you, you came across as distinctly female... just to let you know, you know how it is even when you don't hear the voice of someone you're talking to online, you can sometimes tell if the writer is male or female, and not necessarily just because this is a lesbian board, there wouldn't be a guy who wouldn't come onboard to check things out, liked it and stayed...