My New Life

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
My New Life
25
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 9:59am
Ever since I was told that I do not have CHF, I have been living on such a high. Now I know that this high might not always remain so high, but I am going to enjoy it while it lasts

The first time I thought I was going to die was during my assault, and I sort of let life pass me by out of fear etc.,

This time I feel like, I want to make up for lost time. I want to do things even if I have fears.

I want to try things that I always wanted to do but was to afraid, I want to try new things, and so what if I fail, because it is hard to fail if you haven't tried.

I guess I am looking at things so much differently now.

I am not sweating the small stuff anymore.

I feel like a ton of weight has been lifted off of me and I feel like I could do anything I set my mind to.

I feel like giving everything a try and not sweating if somethings do not work out.

I look at so many things differently.

Instead of thinking I am not a good person because bad things have happened to me, I am thinking bad things have happened to me but I have gotten through them and I am a true survivor.

I think they have made me stronger. I feel like I do belong here.

It is hard to describe in words all of the emotions and highs I have been feeling.

Yes, today my back hurts but so what, it is not bad enough to keep me down or feeling sorry for my self and at least I am here to get through another backache.

I can workout and strengthen my muscles. So that my back will not hurt as much.

I can have the surgies I need to have and I do not fear having them once I am better conditioned.

Yes, I still smoke some, but I am working on quiting and will continue to work on it.

Yes, I will go back on stage, this time with more confidence than before. The worst that can happen is I don't get the big laughs but I know I have enough material that works to start comedy again.

So our relationship has been lacking in the sex department, but we are still very much in love and enjoy each others company.

I do have 2 crushes but it does not mean I am a bad person or that I love g/f any less.

I know that I will not act on them and that they can turn out to be wonderful friendships.

For the first time in my life I have been enjoying getting up early in the morning even if I am tired.

I feel like I have been reborn in an odd sort of way.

If I come to this board and feel down on myself I hope that people will remind me what it could have been like. I hope that I won't need to be reminded but I am still human.

I don't look at my needing to eat differently for my diabetes as unfortunate now. Instead I am excited about learning aboot healt and nutrition and becoming healty so that I can hopefully live a good long life. I also feel like if I don't live long I will at least live happy.

I won't judge others because I know I will never be perfect myself and never have been.

I believe I do have a purpose in life now even if it is to help only one person.

I have more confidence because I would rather live through trials and failures than not live at all.

So many things I want to say and feel inside. I just wanted to let some of it out. I feel like I am about to burst inside.

I find myself laughing and smiling just because I know I am not dying. Okay yes I can walk outside and be hit by a school bus or die in some freak accident, but you know what?

For some reason I don't fear death any longer. I hope it won't happen for a while but I just do not fear it like I used to.

I wish everyone could feel this light and high feeling that I have inside. It is an awesome feeling and I wish that I could go around and just put it into other people.

I will stop rambling.

Hugs to everyone,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html

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Avatar for tookie12
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: lauriedav
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 10:04am
Its great to see that glass of yours overflowing :o)))

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my blog....where i scoop the poop

htt

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
In reply to: lauriedav
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 10:09am

I felt exactly this way the day my divorce was final (11/15/2002).

Kim
Check out my

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: lauriedav
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 10:09am

The Goddess works in mysterious ways my friend :o)


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: lauriedav
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 10:15am


Well, Laurie, my friend, I'm glad that you and I can IM each other and have a few laughs.

I can agree with your new life and some of the things that you have said. I almost gave up on living when my previous attempt at having a relationship went kabluie. I do enjoy being in my own company and I have found out that I'm not a bad person to be with, not perfect, but human.

I have loads of friends both IRL, and here in this wonderful community. I simply enjoy our conversations and the late Sunday night chats that you me and Cat have. It helps me to talk with other ladies and not to mention I get a lot out of my system. Even though I can share about the other sites with everyone here, I know that I can share them with you without the fear of being either judged or thought of a weird. That reminded me that after my literal near-death experience, that I've been blessed with a brand new life, The things in my life are different, and I have to work with things as they come. So, I'm here for ya, and I'm always in your corner.


Hugs to you!

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: lauriedav
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 10:24am
Than you tookie.

I always enjoy reading your posts here and I am happy that you took the time out to read mine.

Hugs,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: lauriedav
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 10:27am
Thank you Kim,

You are always like a breath of fresh air to me.

Give my best to Courtney and Amanda.

Hugs,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: lauriedav
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 10:32am
She sure does Pam,

and I have to tell you that you and Courtney have really done a great job with this board.

I think it is one of the best ones I have ever been to.

It feels like home and family here and I feel so comfortable writing and sharing here.

It helps so much to read all of the posts and learn so many new insights and ways of looking at things.

You and Courtney are such good Cl's to keep things going like they do.

Thank you,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
Avatar for tookie12
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: lauriedav
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 10:34am
~sigh~ now their heads are gonna swell Laurie!!!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

my blog....where i scoop the poop

htt

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: lauriedav
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 10:36am
Gigi,

I cannot tell you how much I enjoy our IM'S and late night Sunday chats with cat/Lee.

I have gotten some very peaceful sleep after IMing with you because I go to bed with laughter in my heart.

I would never judge you or feel like you are weird.

You know, I think those things a very hot that we have talked about.

Hug,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: lauriedav
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 10:39am
< ~sigh~ now their heads are gonna swell Laurie!!! >

We will just have to build a bigger chat room then or widen it at the top.

Hugs,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html

Pages