My New Life

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
My New Life
25
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 9:59am
Ever since I was told that I do not have CHF, I have been living on such a high. Now I know that this high might not always remain so high, but I am going to enjoy it while it lasts

The first time I thought I was going to die was during my assault, and I sort of let life pass me by out of fear etc.,

This time I feel like, I want to make up for lost time. I want to do things even if I have fears.

I want to try things that I always wanted to do but was to afraid, I want to try new things, and so what if I fail, because it is hard to fail if you haven't tried.

I guess I am looking at things so much differently now.

I am not sweating the small stuff anymore.

I feel like a ton of weight has been lifted off of me and I feel like I could do anything I set my mind to.

I feel like giving everything a try and not sweating if somethings do not work out.

I look at so many things differently.

Instead of thinking I am not a good person because bad things have happened to me, I am thinking bad things have happened to me but I have gotten through them and I am a true survivor.

I think they have made me stronger. I feel like I do belong here.

It is hard to describe in words all of the emotions and highs I have been feeling.

Yes, today my back hurts but so what, it is not bad enough to keep me down or feeling sorry for my self and at least I am here to get through another backache.

I can workout and strengthen my muscles. So that my back will not hurt as much.

I can have the surgies I need to have and I do not fear having them once I am better conditioned.

Yes, I still smoke some, but I am working on quiting and will continue to work on it.

Yes, I will go back on stage, this time with more confidence than before. The worst that can happen is I don't get the big laughs but I know I have enough material that works to start comedy again.

So our relationship has been lacking in the sex department, but we are still very much in love and enjoy each others company.

I do have 2 crushes but it does not mean I am a bad person or that I love g/f any less.

I know that I will not act on them and that they can turn out to be wonderful friendships.

For the first time in my life I have been enjoying getting up early in the morning even if I am tired.

I feel like I have been reborn in an odd sort of way.

If I come to this board and feel down on myself I hope that people will remind me what it could have been like. I hope that I won't need to be reminded but I am still human.

I don't look at my needing to eat differently for my diabetes as unfortunate now. Instead I am excited about learning aboot healt and nutrition and becoming healty so that I can hopefully live a good long life. I also feel like if I don't live long I will at least live happy.

I won't judge others because I know I will never be perfect myself and never have been.

I believe I do have a purpose in life now even if it is to help only one person.

I have more confidence because I would rather live through trials and failures than not live at all.

So many things I want to say and feel inside. I just wanted to let some of it out. I feel like I am about to burst inside.

I find myself laughing and smiling just because I know I am not dying. Okay yes I can walk outside and be hit by a school bus or die in some freak accident, but you know what?

For some reason I don't fear death any longer. I hope it won't happen for a while but I just do not fear it like I used to.

I wish everyone could feel this light and high feeling that I have inside. It is an awesome feeling and I wish that I could go around and just put it into other people.

I will stop rambling.

Hugs to everyone,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: lauriedav
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 9:39pm
Thank you Robin,

I wish I could just inject some of this in to you.

hugs,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: lauriedav
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 9:54pm
Laurie (((((hugs))))) I can't begin to express how much admiration and respect I hold for you. In my mother's words, "God has a plan for you" (or the Goddess or the powers that be, depending on your beliefs). In a nutshell, you are a survivor, and there's a reason for that. So, here's to not sweating the small stuff any more! *cheers*

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: lauriedav
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 11:55pm
Sadie, thank you for such kind words.

HUGS,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
In reply to: lauriedav
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 1:13am
~~~Wonderful!~~~~~~~
Positively Wonderful!~~~
((((((Happy for you)))))..Lee~

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: lauriedav
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 1:21am
Thank you Lee.

Hugs,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html

Pages