Terrible Experience

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Terrible Experience
28
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 7:16am
Well, I took my daughter to counseling last night, what a nightmare. Before I get into detail I want to say that she will continue to go despite my bad experience, after all - this isn't for me, it's for her.

This lady basically told me I have to choose Jen or my daughter because my daughter is so upset that it is making her physically ill. Apparently when I talk to Jen on the phone my daughter says she is in her room crying and gets daily headaches from stress over mine and Jen's relationship.

The counselor also told me I need to break up with Jen for Jen's sake, that our relationship is not in her best interest because of our 17 year age difference. She said I am holding ehr back from a "normal" life.

I think that this woman jumped the gun a little on advice giving, after all, there simply wasn't enought time to give all points of view before making judgements. This woman told me I "seriously needed" counseling because I love Jen. She also assumed Jen must be socially retarded and incapable of thinking or having valid feelings because of her young age. At one point she told me I betrayed my daughter and I was really mad because I absolutely disagree - so I told her just because she thinks that doesn't make it true. She assumed that because Jen and my daughter are close in age that I met Jen through my daughter, and stole her friend. She would not listen, or make time to hear what really happened. By this point, in my mind, I had thrown my hands in the air and let conversation continue without me - as my input was unwanted anyway. Apparent;y everything I say is a lie, or irrelevant.

We were supposed to address many issues, especially my recent divorce, but all this counselor wanted to talk about is my "dysfunctional" relationship and how it is effecting my daughter. We don't even live in the same state anymore (Jen and I) I think it's rediculous that if I even speak to her on the phone I am hurting my child. My daughters wonderful capablity to manipulate and control won again - I can't wait to hear what a loser I am again next week!

Well, fire away girls - I can take it. I need the truth here- I won't hold it against you. Sandra

Sandr

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 7:42am


Good morning Sandra,

I can only give you one suggestion, Find a different counselor. I've never encountered a counselor that was so judgemental or wouldn't allow me to speak my mind. I don't allow any professional therapist "tell" me what to do or to think. That's just me. I'm not saying that you should find a counselor that will agree with everything, but one that has a open mind, life experience and compassion.

That's just my experience and suggestion.

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 7:52am
Sandra, I agree with Gigi--find another counselor. Her behavior was totally inappropriate IMO. You and your DD need to find someone who is objective and who does not take sides. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right fit with a therapist. Good luck and let us know what happens. (((Hugs)))
Ting

Ting 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2002
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 7:57am

Hey Sandra,


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 8:37am

I'm not surprised at your experience Sandra.

Kim
Check out my

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 8:42am

Whether or not she made any valid points is beside the point Sandra.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 8:45am
Well said Pam!

Kim
Check out my

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2004
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 1:25pm
Please add my voice to the choir! That was totally inappropriate. A therapist is supposed to help you discover what's going on for you and what's best for you, not sit in judgement.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 1:41pm
Hi Sandra.

This is my first time reading your post so I don't know the background on what you're going through. I'm just give my opinion what this one post.

Find another counselor and report this "counselor" to her boss and professional organization in her state. She have no rights to pass judgement upon you and you shouldn't take it from her or anyone. So if they fired away at you fire back with a waterhose.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 2:31pm



Hey eastie! How are you? geezz I've missed you, it's good to "see" ya!

Friendly hugs!

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 7:55pm
Wow Sandra... I have read yours and all the posts in reply to yours and I have not much experience with therapists but I just feel she was by what you posted ...out of line..... If I were seeing her I

 C  >^. A .

Pages