Terrible Experience

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Terrible Experience
28
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 7:16am
Well, I took my daughter to counseling last night, what a nightmare. Before I get into detail I want to say that she will continue to go despite my bad experience, after all - this isn't for me, it's for her.

This lady basically told me I have to choose Jen or my daughter because my daughter is so upset that it is making her physically ill. Apparently when I talk to Jen on the phone my daughter says she is in her room crying and gets daily headaches from stress over mine and Jen's relationship.

The counselor also told me I need to break up with Jen for Jen's sake, that our relationship is not in her best interest because of our 17 year age difference. She said I am holding ehr back from a "normal" life.

I think that this woman jumped the gun a little on advice giving, after all, there simply wasn't enought time to give all points of view before making judgements. This woman told me I "seriously needed" counseling because I love Jen. She also assumed Jen must be socially retarded and incapable of thinking or having valid feelings because of her young age. At one point she told me I betrayed my daughter and I was really mad because I absolutely disagree - so I told her just because she thinks that doesn't make it true. She assumed that because Jen and my daughter are close in age that I met Jen through my daughter, and stole her friend. She would not listen, or make time to hear what really happened. By this point, in my mind, I had thrown my hands in the air and let conversation continue without me - as my input was unwanted anyway. Apparent;y everything I say is a lie, or irrelevant.

We were supposed to address many issues, especially my recent divorce, but all this counselor wanted to talk about is my "dysfunctional" relationship and how it is effecting my daughter. We don't even live in the same state anymore (Jen and I) I think it's rediculous that if I even speak to her on the phone I am hurting my child. My daughters wonderful capablity to manipulate and control won again - I can't wait to hear what a loser I am again next week!

Well, fire away girls - I can take it. I need the truth here- I won't hold it against you. Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 8:14pm
Sandra,

I'm the poster child for bad therapist experiences. After coming out to my mom and getting such a bad reaction, I attempted suicide. This was back in 1995. So, I was advised to begin seeking therapy for my suicide attempt. Well, after that suicide attempt I began having panic attacks.

Since my income wasn't so big, I had to see therapists that offered lower rates- some called sliding fee scales- based on income. I guess you get what you pay for. I didn't get much. The first lady I saw messed up my free therapy sessions through my company insurance. She wasn't getting the kickback she wanted, so during the second session she informed me that my therapy sessions would no longer be free. Though, I had 4 more free sessions through my company insurance. Since I had began seeing her, I could not see another therapist to access those remaining 4 sessions.

Then, I saw another therapist based out of her home. She told me that I wasn't gay and that homosexuality was a myth. I ended having a crush on her. LOL

The next lady I saw was working on her degree. She was doing an internship. She admitted to me that she was attracted to me. She wanted to get initimate. Well, we almost did. But, she pulled back because her boss was catching on to what was happening. She feared not completing her degree and getting her license.

Then, I saw this guy. He told me that nothing was wrong with me. The suicide attempt was a one time thing. I didn't suffer from panic attacks. Rather, I suffered from low blood sugar, which led to the episodes I was experiencing.

So, after that, I bought a good self help book. It has been much better than any therapist I've seen. I'm not going to give advice, but you might want to look into a good self help book on teenage parenting. Good self help books never hurt. You mentioned that you like to read.

Barnes & Nobles! LOL

rj :)

rj

Franco Harris of the Pittsburgh Steelers in 197

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 9:30pm

LOL rj!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 8:30am
I am so greatful for my therapist. She mostly asks the questions and I figure out the answers. She just knows how to ask the questions. Of course that is not all she does but I just seem to be blessed with a wonderful therapist.

I always feel good when I leave her office and feel motivated to do better and work on things we have discussed.

Hugs,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 8:57am

There are many wonderful therapists out there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 9:15am

Our psychologist put us on a fast track and now Amanda and I will be in weekly visits through January.

Kim
Check out my

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 9:18am

This fella seems made to order for your little family Kimmie.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 10:27am
I am happy that you, Laurie and Kim have all had good experiences - that gives me hope. I have not discussed my opinion of my daughters counselor with her yet, I am still planning to do that sometime soon, as soon as my thoughts are collected and not anger motivated. Of course my daughter wrote something in her journal (yes...I snooped) that upset me and delayed the conversation. She said "I went to counseling today and I like my new counselor. She was the first person to tell my mom to her face that she was wrong." Hmmm? I don't really know what to think about that, she was referring to my relationship with Jen, based on the context of the rest of the paragraph. Either way, I am so deep in emotional crap right now, on top of my job search - I don't know how much longer before I completely go bananas. I have 2 new "issues", of course, that I will post here in a minute. Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 11:27am


{{{{{{{{{{Kim}}}}}}}}}

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 10:25pm

You can't win that one Sandra.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:02am

((((((((((((((((Sandra))))))))))))))))


Please get a new therapist. It is most definitely in your best interest, and you are entitled to that. But I would also argue that it is in Leanne's best interest too. You and Leanne have some big things to work on, and she is not going to be able to get things completely worked out if she comes to believe that all of her and yours and hers problems are because you are dating Jen. There are some good counselors out there, like the one that Kim has found. There are also some bad ones out there, like the one that I found.


This counselor crossed the line and she is not going to be able to help you or Leanne because of her obvious prejudices.


Good luck. You are all in my thoughts.


Hugs!


~C