Terrible Experience

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Terrible Experience
28
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 7:16am
Well, I took my daughter to counseling last night, what a nightmare. Before I get into detail I want to say that she will continue to go despite my bad experience, after all - this isn't for me, it's for her.

This lady basically told me I have to choose Jen or my daughter because my daughter is so upset that it is making her physically ill. Apparently when I talk to Jen on the phone my daughter says she is in her room crying and gets daily headaches from stress over mine and Jen's relationship.

The counselor also told me I need to break up with Jen for Jen's sake, that our relationship is not in her best interest because of our 17 year age difference. She said I am holding ehr back from a "normal" life.

I think that this woman jumped the gun a little on advice giving, after all, there simply wasn't enought time to give all points of view before making judgements. This woman told me I "seriously needed" counseling because I love Jen. She also assumed Jen must be socially retarded and incapable of thinking or having valid feelings because of her young age. At one point she told me I betrayed my daughter and I was really mad because I absolutely disagree - so I told her just because she thinks that doesn't make it true. She assumed that because Jen and my daughter are close in age that I met Jen through my daughter, and stole her friend. She would not listen, or make time to hear what really happened. By this point, in my mind, I had thrown my hands in the air and let conversation continue without me - as my input was unwanted anyway. Apparent;y everything I say is a lie, or irrelevant.

We were supposed to address many issues, especially my recent divorce, but all this counselor wanted to talk about is my "dysfunctional" relationship and how it is effecting my daughter. We don't even live in the same state anymore (Jen and I) I think it's rediculous that if I even speak to her on the phone I am hurting my child. My daughters wonderful capablity to manipulate and control won again - I can't wait to hear what a loser I am again next week!

Well, fire away girls - I can take it. I need the truth here- I won't hold it against you. Sandra

Sandr

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:08am
I'm going to take your advice Courtney. I think I may back off counselors alltogether right now. I say that because the risk of getting the same result would be too destructive right now.....I'm going to try and handle this one myself. I need to tap into my own resources and fix my life!

Big hugs, Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:11am

Sometimes fixing ourselves is the best way to go. I know for me, I began to feel much better, just by making some important decisions, and making them in the direction of what was best for me instead of what I was *supposed* to do. I think about you all a lot. Sending lots of love and good thoughts that way. Well as many good thoughts as I can muster right now - I seem to be running a bit short these days. LOL!


Hugs!


~C

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:14am

What about screening some other counselors first by yourself? Schedule an appointment with several others (get recommendations if you know someone else who is seeing/has seen

Ting 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:23am
That would be ideal, but I have 2 words to explain why that can't happen -

Insurace Company.

If I could afford to pay out of my pocket to screen people I would. There are many free resources I can utilize, I have to try that first.

thanks Ting! Hey, shouldn't you be working?LOL

Hugs, Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:28am

I thought about that after I posted, Sandra. Definitely try the other resources available to you first. I really hope something will work out.


And, yes, hehe I should get back to work. Nothing has really started on my project yet, so I'm enjoying this time while I have it!

Ting

Ting 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:56am

Ting's advice is still the best I have heard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:18am

I understand your wanting to do this on your own, especially in light of this experience.

Kim
Check out my

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:46am
Kim, I am going to print this post and read it over and over and over again until I get it in my thick skull. You are a honest woman, and even if your honesty stings a little, you are a good friend because of your honesty. Even as you face so many things - you make time for a practical stranger, and I thank you for that. I am blessed to have "met" you, as well as everyone else here. Sandra

Sandr

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